When you told me, for the first time - out loud, not with your body like I realized later you had been doing all summer long - I heard myself listening as you told me two things at once. Then I didn't know how I hadn't heard both voices before. Maybe I hadn't needed to, because it didn't matter, and I always understand you, anyways. Or maybe I didn't hear both your voices before, because the things you said to me had always run over each other, like when we're messing around and we play two tracks at the same time until we find two that harmonize.
Like when we were seven, and your smile was saying you're my best friend while your words said let's play hide and seek. Or when we were fourteen, and your hands were saying please kiss me and your lips were against mine saying it's ok it's ok it's ok this is ok. Or when we were fifteen and your body was saying I want you and your eyes were saying please don't hate me for wanting you. All those things seemed the same thing, then, and I didn't hear. I didn't hear the two tracks playing.
But now you were saying shrimp and all I heard was girlfriend. Then I heard them both, and it was because I saw your tell - your face twitched right before you got that blank-look you wear when someone's being dumb and you want to make me laugh with something no one else will understand. Your eyes and your lips were telling me you were joking even if your face stayed blank. That's why I saw it. That's why I heard.
You were saying shrimp and I was hearing echoes. It's always been like that and I don't know how I missed it. You're always telling me two things at the same time; but it wasn't till my hand was caught up in yours, and I heard both voices all at once, that I realized why.
You tell me two things because you know I always miss the first one.
I knew you heard me finally and I'd known the question had been coming forever. But when you said it I had to hold still for a minute because your voice got all sharp at the end, and I almost missed it when you said dating or what?, because it sounded just like please say you love me back, and I stopped, because I had to make my words come out right, for you, so whatever I said would stop you feeling embarrassed that you had to ask.
That's so much for words to have to do, Santana.
But after I told you it was your turn to pay I knew it had worked, and then I reminded you about our baths because I wanted you to forget the or what. Your eyes got that shiny look they do right when you feel something too much and I know you won't cry but you want to, and I couldn't help but let the question slip out, because I hate when you want to cry but you won't. But then you smiled with everything - all of you smiling - and your face turned happysad and I knew tonight you'd hold me like you do when you feel that happysad way, and you would kiss my knuckles one by one, and I would look at you and finally finally it would be yes yes yes.
