Title: First and Last

Summary: My attempt at completing a "First and last time" challenge. Red/Gloria centric, because that's what my world revolves around as of late.

Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do, however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©

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-01-

I never thought that I would fall in love with you. I never thought we would be together.

But all it took was one look at you, and suddenly I felt as if everything I had ever known was wrong. Maybe it was losing Nicky-the fact that you didn't have her anymore. You just looked so incredibly sad. I remember the day like it was yesterday.

I had entered the office, hardly paying you any mind as you occupied the metal chair against the wall. The only thing on my mind was finding my gum before you did. It was spearmint.

Ya know, the good kind.

Small talk has never been something I exceeded at. Probably why my first words to you were, "You look like shit."

Always a romantic, huh?

I remember being so intent on my gum and rifling through the drawers, that I still hadn't really given you a thorough look over. Maybe if I had, I would have noticed that your blue eyes were an ocean of sadness. Instead, I had only baited you.

"No witty comeback?" I had asked, flipping through the stack of papers Caputo had given me for inventory. My gum wasn't in the drawer, but as you and reflected later, I didn't want to admit that Aleida had stolen it.

What a bitch.

"That's not like you," I said distractedly. "Cat got your tongue?" I tossed the papers onto the desk, every intention of making you do them yourself when you snapped out of whatever funk you seemed to be consumed by. "Probably payback for freezing its cousin to death." I pulled open the drawer on the opposite side. "I hope you and Nicky aren't having another silent competition, you always lose. That big mouth of yours it's no wonder you ended up in here."

As painful whimper touched my ears, I finally turned around to face you. "What's the matter with you?" I asked. "You're tapping out already? I guess Nicky will be pleased to hear that."

Your head fell back against the wall and you rolled it slowly to the side, determined I wouldn't see you cry. "Nicky's gone," you whispered.

I had to strain to hear you. "What do you mean she's gone?" I asked.

"She's gone."

"Where the hell did she go, shopping?" I scoffed. "She couldn't have gone far. Maybe she's with Lorna. I heard they put a lock on of those utility closets."

"She's in max," you told me coldly.

My heart dropped for you. I physically felt it fall into the pit of my stomach. Gum forgotten, I sunk down into the black, leather office chair. "God…" I can't even imagine what it feels like to be you, to lose a child...again. You and I know that pain better than anyone… being taken from our kids. Once was enough, I know you agree. To have it happen a second time… still, even now, just thinking about it rocks me to my core.

A hard and broken sob ripped from you. Your posture slumped and you were bent at the waist, crying into your hands as your elbows dug painfully into your kneecaps. It was the first time I had truly looked you-saw you. You were a disaster. A mess.

Not some beautiful trauma, but a literal wreck. I slid from the chair and onto my knees. Mother to mother, I engulfed you in a tight hug. You resisted, of course… just like you resist everything.

"It's okay," I whispered, knowing it was the last thing you wanted to hear.

"No, it's not!" you sobbed.

I nodded against your head and hugged you tighter. "No," I agreed. "It's not." At that exact moment, you surrendered. I think it may have been the first time you were seeing me too.