Author's note: I was reading through a person's profile and saw a most intriguing quiz. The kind where you make a list of 10 characters and then proceed to answer questions about them…there was one that made me laugh so hard I squirted Mountain Dew out of my nose (quite painful that is.) I then was attacked by a plot bunny (yet again) and just had to right this little monstrosity. By no means am I ever, ever, ever representing these ships in real life…I'm usually strictly canon when I write, but this was too great to pass up. Enjoy!
Rated M for horrifying images, and terrifying ships.
Beautiful Little Monstrosity
"You wanted to see me, darling?" asked Lily sweetly. She gazed with love upon the face of her boyfriend. So many people were shocked when she left James for him, but no one could understand the emotion she felt for this man. He was wise and caring. He did what was right, and didn't care what other people thought of him. Not to mention his insane love of sweets.
"Yes, Lily," responded Albus Dumbledore.
"What did you need sweetheart?" she asked. He looked at her sadly.
"Lily dear, this is very hard for me to say, but…I think it's time you moved on. I am an old man, this relationship just can't work out. Plus you have Harry to take care of and…I care about you very much, but I just don't love you that way anymore. It's not fair to you," he replied. He looked down at his hands clasped in his lap and waited for the explosion.
"You…you're…breaking up…with me?" she asked confused.
"Yes," he replied. She shook her head and the glint in her eyes was a dangerous one.
"I…I left my husband for you…I thought you loved me! You promised that if I left James you'd be there for me always!" she was yelling.
The portraits on the wall shook their heads at the current headmaster. They knew his secret and they knew even now he was lying to the girl. They had severely disapproved of this relationship, but even more the one Albus was hiding even now. But they were honor bound to keep the headmasters secrets so they kept quiet and stuck with the shaking of their oil-based heads.
"My dear, Lily. That was almost six months ago. I am very sorry, but sometimes feelings change, as you no doubt understand as your own feelings for your ex-husband changed. Please. I've paid for a nights stay at the Three-Broomsticks for you and Harry. After that, you will be on your own. I am sorry it has to be this way, but there isn't any other option," he said firmly. He popped a lemon drop in his mouth and it puckered at the sweetly sour taste. Had Lily not turned and ran from the room crying, she'd have noticed the slightly pink hue to the yellow candy.
"Good job, my ickle Doobie-kins," said a feminine voice from the corner. A brown-haired female removed her Invisibility Cloak and moved forward into the light. Albus's eyes lit up as he saw who had been spying.
"Ah, my dear 'Mione. Did you enjoy the show?" he asked. She giggled and smiled at him seductively.
"That I did, Doobie, why don't we discuss this in the other room?" she asked as she raised her hand up to her mouth and placed a single finger on her bottom lip. He licked his lips and stood up.
"Very well, do you wish to play our little game again?" he said as he took her into his arms before kissing her passionately.
"Why, Headmaster," she said out of breath. "I do believe I've been a bad girl. I guess that means I deserve a detention."
"Yes, you've been so bad, you have to serve it with the Headmaster himself," he said seductively.
She raised an eyebrow and, to the relief of the portraits, the two escaped into the Headmaster's bedchambers. They all remembered the few nights before when the two couldn't contain themselves and proceeded to act out their sick fantasies right there on the Headmaster's desk.
A/n: *shudder* Wow, that whole scene made me feel unclean, and shake with horror (or laughter I can't figure out which yet.) I'll be letting you all know what the answer to the quiz was that inspired this "story". Don't worry, it'll end almost close to canon… 5 total chapters. Don't give up on me yet people, I am realistic! Flames are allowed, since I know most of them would be humorus and I like laughing!
