Hey guys! Look who's back and writing again ;) enjoy

I've never really been good at the whole dating thing, relying on the internet as a release from it. I mean who would be pathetic enough to have a relationship online for 2 years? Me, that's who, but that was a story to tell at another time. I just wished I could find someone who understood me, someone who let me be myself, but would be there for me, and hold me with soft loving arms. This story is a part of my life, but be prepared for things to be not so happy at times.

It was an ordinary day in my life when she and I first started talking, though it wasn't the talking you'd expect. I had an app on my phone called 'Her' it was a dating site for women looking for women and I thought it was a good way to find people close to me to get to know and maybe develop something with.

I'd flipped through it absentmindedly when I first downloaded it, finding a few people to like, and maybe start a budding romance with. I posted pictures and created quotes onto my profile for people to see because I thought maybe it would intrigue people to ask questions or find out more about me, but what I didn't comprehend was that it wasn't me that liked someone first, she liked me.

Her name was Paige, and from her profile I gathered basic information, she was 18, shy, and love photography, I found myself flicking through the few pictures she had posted of herself, with her long brown hair up in a bun, or out flowing in most. She was stunning, from her dark eyes, to her gentle lips, it made me wonder why she had liked me. She had a text box on her profile saying "I'm kind of shy, so please say hello," so I did just that.

I didn't expect a reply, but I got one, then another and another, as a conversation began to erupt between us, I felt myself smiling at the screen of my phone and readying myself for a game of twenty questions. I can't really remember the questions all I can remember is that her answers intrigued me and I found myself wanting to know more, it didn't take long for hours to turn into days, and we started to chat more regularly.

I remember her telling me she got a job and I was over the moon for her, and cheering her own. I remember when we added each other on snapchat and sent stupid pictures of ourselves to each other, only to screenshot them, to smile at on another day, I even remember the first time we video chatted, I remember her embarrassed face, beautiful smile, and even her adorable giggle.

It was late in the evening when I called her, it took a little while for her to answer but all of a sudden her beautiful face appeared on my laptop and she said softly, "Hey Em," the use of my nickname made me smile and looking back at her I returned the hello, beaming nearly.

I remember shifting on my bed slightly, embarrassed on what to say next, though I shouldn't have worried, the awkwardness left and we dove deep into conversation, asking about the others day, speaking compliments and goofily taking pictures of the other with doggy ears and saving them to our phones.

I found it adorable, when I could make her blush or chuckle nervously, with just a simple compliment. It was great feeling a connection to someone, and it was another thing to feel as though someone liked me.

We started to call each other Bae, which then in turn gradually turned to babe or baby girl, it made my heart flutter when she'd say something cute, or when I'd do the same and her face light up.

About 3 weeks after we started talking, I went on a trip and so did she, we were set to arrive at the same town with about 5 minutes between, but somehow ended up arriving at the same time. We'd been chatting the entire time, excited to maybe catch a glimpse of the other, and I felt my heart start to pick up knowing that I was so close to her for the first time ever, but seeing each other that day didn't happen. She been with her parents, and her grandpa, whom she wasn't out to, and so I just let it slide, just happy to say, I'd seen her parents car and that she'd seen mine.

Our snaps to each other continued, as well as the screen shots and video calls, it wasn't long before we started to talk about finally meeting up. Two weeks after the time we were in the same town, we decided she'd drive up and we'd spend the night together her her grandma's caravan. I was bouncing up and down with nerves, and so excited to finally meet her. I remember we'd been talking and I'd asked if she'd kiss me the first time she was with me, and she told me, if I were lucky she would.

She sent me a picture of herself in the car as she was about to leave, saying about to go on adventure to see her, a big goofy smile on her face. In the 2 hours it took her to drive to see me, my nerves started to get worse. When she sent me a picture to say she'd arrived at the caravan, my mind was going into overdrive. I was worried that once she met me she wouldn't like me, or that I would do something and fuck the entire thing we had going.

An hour after she'd arrived at the caravan I'd been checking the drive way rapidly, waiting to see her pull up finally and to see her. When two hours went past I was petrified that she'd stood me up, but was relieved when I saw a car pull into the drive way and stop out the front of my house.

I waltzed out of the house in a daze, on a slight high from realising I was going to be with her. She stepped out of the car and hugged me, and the look on her face was I could never forget, she smile was casual, but her eyes shone as if she'd seen an angel, and perhaps I was an angel to her.

My mum wanted to meet her, because she was worried I might never come back home, so after about 5 minutes of convincing her and tugging on her arm, she finally agreed to say hi, though blushing and shy, she smiled at my mum and told her she'd take care of me and bring me back in the following afternoon.

We left shortly after that, a slight shyness between us, I kept glancing at her, and smiling softly if she'd notice. It was surreal knowing she was there, that she was real and that I could touch her. Without thinking I let my hand drift over the middle console and placed it on her thigh, letting my thumb rub it through her jeggings. She turned to me and smiled, one of the most beautiful smiles I'd seen from her before she focused back on driving again, my hand still on her leg. Music filled the car as we sat in silence for the trip back to the caravan, a slight awkward air to it all.

It didn't seem to take long for us to reach the caravan and stumbled over mushy ground before walking inside. To tell you it was glamorous and amazing would be lying so I'll tell you it straight, it was a musty smelling caravan, but it felt homely, with a standard caravan to the left which lead to the kitchen and bed, and a sitting area, shower and toilet in the extension area we were standing in. Though while it was shitty it was nice to get away from the world and just be with her.

Lazily we sat on the couch, relaxing for awhile, trying to get rid of the awkwardness that sat all around us. It was a bizarre feeling, we'd never been so nervous to speak before, and the silence while unsettling seemed to out us in our place, well at least that was until she took me out for dinner.

The energy that was filled inside the four walls of the main dining area seemed to sink into us and as we ordered and sat together at a table for two we seemed to dive deep into conversation, unlike when we at the caravan.

This was the side of her I knew from all those Skype calls, or from all the Snapchat videos we'd sent each other of us goofing about. There was an energy to her that held me to her, and kept me involved and I loved it.

We'd been sitting there for about twenty minutes, enjoying our non alcoholic drinks, and just the way it felt to finally be together, when out food arrived, plain but still delicious. Watching her dig her knife and fork into her chicken parmigiana I was tempted to ask for a taste but let it slide and dug into my pesto pasta instead, thankfully though I didn't, since half way through my meal I was full, extremely and utterly full, and so was she. Laughing to each other as we stood, earning a few glances from staff who worked them, some of which who asked if our food was all right, to which we just nodded to and said it was brilliant.

The drive make to the caravan was full of a different type of energy, an energy that felt so bazaar, but seemed to fit. We were full of high spirits and laughter when we entered and flopped back down onto the couch though this time to my surprise she'd pulled me against her, and I was laying half on her, half off her, using her chest as a pillow. She pressed a gentle kiss onto my forehead before smiling her beautiful smile and turned to the tv, where we remained like that, for an entire movie, well that was until it got to a sad part and I got teary and cried a little, then she just held me tighter and just kept kissing my cheek or forehead.

The rest of the evening seemed to travel fast and before I knew it I was falling asleep. Nudging me softly she grabbed my hand and I followed, sleepily trying to work my way up the two steps that lead into the kitchen.

Blushing softly I looked at her and said I'd better get into my pyjamas, which made her blush too, knowing that I had to undress. Making her way back down to the sitting area she mumbled to me, "I'll get dressed down here too then."

Changing quickly into my pyjama shorts and a tank top; worn in mid winter mind you, I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. It was tiny, a king single bed, but tiny compared to the queen sized that I was used to, I had know idea how we'd both fit but somehow we managed, the only thing was I wasn't tired anymore.

Looking at her beside me seemed so surreal, that I lost my sanity for about ten minutes, bursting into a fit of giggles, it was two in the morning after all and I don't know if it were from being overtired or just because I didn't want this to be a shitty dream I woke from, I laughed, and the look Paige gave me was something that set me off over and over again, I'd calm myself and then she'd try to ask me to shush or to tell her why I was laughing. Nothing seemed to work though, that is until she lifted my chin and brought her lips down to mine, and in just that one kiss, our first kiss, I felt so much going on at once.

Kissing her back was easy, it was stopping that was so hard, but that didn't matter because when she pulled away the look in her eyes was magnificent and made my heart pump a thousand times fast. Smirking having been silenced from my laughter, I joked up to her, "well, seems I'm pretty lucky," before throwing her a goofy wink and leaning in to kiss her again.

We fell asleep shortly after that, though I don't think we got too much sleep. It was a lovely feeling, holding her, or her holding me, and even sometimes having my head of her chest.

We woke up again at seven something the next morning, tired but glad that we were together. We stayed in that tiny caravan bed until ten before clambered out, wishing that our time together wouldn't end.

Packing up my bag I reluctantly picked it up, draping the strap over my shoulder, feeling it's weight hang down beside me. Glancing at Paige I smiled and walked down to her parents car, dropping my bag on to the backseat before waiting in the car for her to lock the sliding door of the caravan.

Once she'd opened the door and sit in the drivers seat I leant over a kissed her, for what the umpteenth time since we'd woken up. Her lips just felt so soft yet so rough and forceful. Smiling as I pulled away I saw her eyes flicker with something that I could only register as happiness and longing, though not longing in a sexual way, just in a way that meant she wished it were like this everyday and it seemed the weather was thinking the same thing, because for the first time that morning it started to rain, and not just little pitter patters but full on buckets of rain.

It seemed to set a sullen feeling between us as she drove me back to my house, and it seemed like our emotions were running wild. She pulled up into my driveway and I glanced at her, not ready to get out, glancing down at my fingers I felt hers press lightly under my chin trying to turn my face to look at hers, letting her do so I closed my eyes and let her lips mould to mine, kissing her with a smile slowly overloading my face.

Leaning back just slightly I trailed my fingers through her hair, and kissed her again, ready this time to say bye, before I closed the car door I looked at her softly and said, "don't forget to call me so I know you get home safe."

Smiling she looked at me and cheerfully said, "Definitely." Before I closed the door and stood in the driveway waving her goodbye, feeling rather sad she had to leave so soon.

After that things kind of went the same, with Skype calls, snaps and Facebook messages. I was so nervous about what she and I were. I wasn't one to date often, and I didn't know if we were merely dating or if we had somehow silently taken it to the level of girlfriends. But obviously it was only dating; for now.

Three weeks had passed since she'd visited me, I'd attended school, and hung out with family; honestly my life was rather lame. It surprised me one day when one day out of the blue she asked what I was doing this weekend and smiling on the Skype call said because I'm coming up to see you.

Her saying that was amazing. I don't think I realised at the time how much I'd missed her or how much I'd wanted to spend time with her again, and here she was asking me, or well telling me she wanted to see me again.

We planned for her to come up on the Friday, and when the day arrived I'd sat in class fidgeting like crazy. One of my teachers even rudely stated that I should pull my head into classroom work and stop ignoring her and her teaching, especially over something so pathetic.

The end of the day hit and I literally run to the bus stop; seeing as that was the only transportation I could take from home or school since mum was at work and it was so far away. I was so excited to get home and pack my duffel bag for the weekend. This time I wouldn't have her for one night but two.

She arrived quicker this time than she had the day we first met. She hadn't even bothered to drop off her bag at the caravan before picking me up. Walking down the drive as I had done so many weeks prior to that day I smiled at her, dropped my bag in the backseat and climbed into the front seat beside her. Blushing I was shocked when she learnt over, lifted my chin and kissed me.

She'd pulled back smiling and said, "Hey beautiful, I missed you." Before starting the engine again and driving off and towards the caravan.

Twiddling my thumbs I cast a sideways glance at her, trying to cover my blush with my dark hair as I watched her drive, before detaching my fingers from each other and sliding my hand onto her thigh.

We got to the caravan and stepped down out of the car onto mushy land, that had our feet sinking with every step we took. She unlocked the front door and the familiar smell of the caravan filled my nostrils.

Walking inside and up the horrid short stairs to the main caravan I dropped my duffel bag and looked around, laughing when I found that the bed hadn't been made from our lazy day the last time we were here.

I felt her walk up behind me and encircle me in her warm, strong arms. "What's so funny?" she'd ask, placing a soft kiss on my neck, before removing her arms so I could turn and look at her. My reply had been a soft nothing, and felt my eyes sparkle up at her, lost in the beauty that was her. With my heart hammering my chest I lent up and kissed her smiling softly, feeling my cheeks flush and a smiling forming her lips.

We grabbed an easy dinner that night, just a simple meal from McDonalds and had a calm evening at the caravan full or playful jokes and lots of kissing. The night was much like the first we'd spent together, restless, scared that if either one of us fell asleep we'd miss a single moment together and I'm glad neither of us fell asleep quickly that night, because had we not, I wouldn't have heard her ask me to be her girlfriend, and those words from her lips made my heart swell.

We woke up the next morning earlier, and reluctant to move. The cold winters morning making it easier to stay in bed and lay in each other's arms, and also made it hard to get out of the warmth of that bed so many hours later.

Our day panned out slowly, especially when I realised I'd forgotten a jumper and ended up 'borrowing' one of her. We decided to go on a mission to find a beautiful spot to relax and take some pictures. It was definitely beautiful, not just the views or the area, but her, she was beautiful and I couldn't seem to stop taking pictures of her.

Our day seemed to pass by fast and soon it was five at night and we were wondering what to have for dinner. Our decision, pizza! She let me pick the pizza, a yummy Double Cheeseburger topped pizza, which we took back to the caravan and ate before making a decision to stay at my house rather than the caravan, more for the warmth of an electric blanket than because we were sick of the caravan. The only problem was, no one was home, and I didn't have a spare key.

We went on a mission that night to grab the front door key from my mums boyfriend since him and his two boys were out at a basketball game and were close to were we were going. Stopping outside the stadium we waiting until he saw us and passed the key to me through the window and hurried back inside to watch the game.

The drive to my house wasn't all to far from the stadium so we headed made out way back and after unlocking the door walked out to my room and relaxed in bed for a lazy evening of Netflix, though I can't remember what we watched, because we ended up making out until our throats hurt and our hands began to wander, which meant we had to stop before we broke a barrier neither of us were ready to break.

The next morning seemed to go bye far too quickly, because before I knew it she was leaving again, packing her carry bag and getting ready for the long drive ahead, but not before we walked down to the beach not too far from my house and sat, giving gentle kisses, walking along rocks and feel the sky send a soft patter of rain down towards us, as if once again knowing that the mood had changed.

Walking back up the long drive to the house brought me closer to sadness, and closer to realisation that in a few minutes she wouldn't be with me anymore, she'd be on her way back to her life all those kilometres away.

We entered my room and I flopped down onto my bed, willing myself not to cry, especially since this was not the last time I'd see her. Noticing how down I was she walked over to me and placed a kiss of my forehead then my lips and cast me a gentle smile. "Hey, don't be so sad babe, I'll see you again real soon," she'd said and that just seemed to make me want to cling onto her more, which I did. I wrapped my legs and arms around her pulling her closer to me, breathing in her scent one more time before she left. I clung to her and then all of a sudden it seemed like she'd vanished, slip away from my grasp and was gone, only leaving a tingle on my lips from her kiss. Though I know she didn't leave like that, I had just felt so numb when she was going that I can't remember what happened.

I remember staying in my room the rest of that day, snuggling with the jumper I had borrowed the day before and let her scent calm me down. I fell asleep holding that jumper and remember waking to my phone ringing and seeing her name flash up on the screen.

Two days had passed since that visit and I could feel a part of me longing to be beside her again, so I decided I would be the one to visit her now. I didn't tell her until the day before I had booked the tickets, and she was smiling from ear to ear on the Skype call we were having before into turned into a frown and then a soft laugh.

"I guess you'll be able to see my shitty car then babe," she laughed out loudly. She was right about that, I'd never seen her car but had heard her talk about it before, saying how much of a shit box it was and how she couldn't wait for a new one.

I was so excited to see her, my bus fare had been cheap as I was still a student and got a discount, and as I waiting for the bus to come I couldn't stop smiling, since I realised I'd be with her that evening, in her arms, feeling safe, and feeling warm, the only problem was I had to wait three hours in the library to before I could kiss her, since she been called into work that day.

The bus trip had been long but I'd enjoyed it, finding time to read a book that I had packed for myself. Once I got off at the transit centre though it was a completely different story, I didn't know where I was meant to go, so I did the one thing anyone in an unfamiliar place would do. I relied on google maps.

The library turned out to not be too far from the transit centre and I found it easy to walk there. I sat in the cafe for a while, until the chair grew too uncomfortable for me anymore and I headed to find somewhere cozy to sit, which ended up being in a secluded area of the kids zone. Pulling my iPad from my bag I laid down on my stomach and started watching YouTube, picking random videos to watch while I waited.

My iPad started to get annoying, and was dying rather quickly from the use, so I ended up grabbing my book again and relaxing into the world beyond the pages. I'd bend reading for about thirty minutes before I got distracted by a group of school children entering the library, they must have been special needs because each had there own teaching aid with them to help find a specific book or cd to borrow for the week.

The group mainly consisted of boys but of the few girls that were there one noticed me all alone and wandered over with her aid to start a conversation with me, and hearing her talk about her love for reading and seeing the sparkle in her eyes seemed to make my day that whole lot better. I couldn't recall her name, though she had seemed to remember mine as every sentence that fell from her lips held it and made my smile brighten that whole lot more. Checking her watch her aid had realised that they didn't have much time left to find books and hurried her away before giving me a gentle smile and saying a soft thank you.

I returned back to my book once they had gone and lost track of the time, as one page turned into ten, then into fifty, I had been so distracted by my book that I didn't even notice her enter the library. Paige. My Paige. She'd walked quickly over to my corner and took a picture of me on her phone, which happened to have the flash set and made me jump. She'd started laughing when she realised she'd startled me and said a quiet sorry before walking over to me a placing a kiss on my lips. Putting my book away quickly, I stood and took her hand, ready to see her house, and meet her family.

Walking to her car I dropped my bag on to the back seat before sliding in the front and waiting for her to do the same. We sat with the engine off for a few minutes smiling at each other before she placed her fingers under my chin and brought her lips to mine in a gentle but also crushing kiss. Eventually she pulled away and we were on our way to her house.

Her house was about ten minutes from the city and I felt myself growing anxious with every passing second. I'd never met someone's parents before, when I'd dated I'd always met the parents before things escalated to that level, now it just seemed to worry me. What if her mum didn't like me? I don't know if Paige could sense my worry or not but she placed a hand on my thigh and began rubbing her thumb in a circular motion, calming somehow.

We made it to her house, where she parked on the grassy patch out the front before we both got out of the car and started heading around into the backyard and going in through the sliding backdoor to the living room.

The house wasn't overly appealing, a bit rough for wear and messy, but I didn't care because I was here with her. Footsteps came from down the hallway before a short framed women entered and smiled sullenly at me before muffling a "Hey Paige, who's this?" The air between them seems a little tense and I could tell that her relationship with her mum was rather strained unlike the one I had with my own. "This is Emily, my girlfriend. We're going to my room now." Paige's response was kind of harsh, and seemed to make her mothers face change, her look I think her mum expected more, something that her daughter didn't seem to want to do.

Walking with her to her room she closed the door and turned to me smiling before walking over and kissing me hard. My hand found its way to her hair and as I kissed her back I bit her lip slightly and she shivered, before pulling away and kissing my forehead. Taking in a deep breath she grinned, "did you bring anything nice with you to wear?" She'd asked me. Nodding I tilting my head waiting for her to tell me way. "Good, because I'm taking you out for dinner."

The time between her telling me we were going out to the time we actually left was spent laying on her bed, kissing and cuddling, and just relaxing in the fact that we were with each other again, even if it were only for two nights.

She took me out to a fancy diner that night, and the food was divine. I can remember us chatting away for an hour after we finished eating, and just loving that we were experiencing this together.

After finishing finishing our meal we decided to go on a drive. She wanted to show me a few places that she loved and that she thought I would love, sadly one of them was closed for safety purposes while a new building was being constructed near it. So instead we went to a lookout, gazing down at the lights that filled the city, the way the twinkled and made everything seem like one big string of fairy lights. We stayed there for an hour just watching the world change around us, before finally deciding to make our way back to her house.

We got back to her house giggling and holding hands. The house was quiet when we went in so we tried to keep it that way. Entering her bedroom she grabbed some pyjamas and headed to the bathroom, and left me in the bedroom to do the same, which seemed to take a little while because I got distracted by a few things in her room. From the photos of her and her friends, to her fairy lights and her posters. But I guess when you're young good things come to an end.

We'd had a great four months together... and then I got sick... my throat swollen, body aching and tears that just didn't seem to stop falling from the pain. When I got sick everything just seemed to change. Paige seemed to change.

She didn't talk to me as often, wouldn't come up to see me as much, and when I did see her, it was for her birthday, I was still sick but I had to see her for that, she was my girlfriend after all. That weekend I spend with her seemed as though it were alright, as though she was looking out for me and taking care of me, but then we went from her house to my house, and it just seemed to get really bad.

She was meant to stay for the whole weekend with me, but she stayed one night and then left me, sick and crying on the front step on my house. I'm not sure what had happened between us, the night before we had been cuddling on the couch and laughing then but 11am that next day she was gone, left me behind and didn't say a work for 2 weeks.

I didn't get an explanation from her. That first week I cried, and got really sick again, and when I was starting to feel better I got a phone call, from her, crying and telling me she couldn't do it anymore, that she and I had to break up. Apparently she was going to drive up to tell me face to face but she couldn't bring herself to, but honestly I think she only said that for me.

It wasn't until a month later that I got an explanation fully, that apparently I hadn't been fully into the relationship even though I had gone down to see her, while sick, taken the bus to see her more times than she'd ever driven up to me. I don't understand why Paige decided that this was it, but I guess that's what happens in life, or well in my life, people just leave.

I hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave a review and tell me your thoughts! SPDL x