I thought I changed everything when I grabbed his hand. It would be not only terribly cliche but also a lie to say everything changed that night. My goal is and always has been to help people in life. That's why I've found myself in medical school at age nineteen. Somewhere along the line I had found myself a small cozy apartment close by. Not only because it was close to the school but it offered some nice places to walk as well as the stores I needed to get by.
Midnight walks weren't something I did particularly often but they were nice on Saturday nights as opposed to attending a party and getting drunk out of my mind; illegally but I needed the air to my head. My footsteps were achingly loud as I walked down the street due to the quietness of the night. There was a slight chill to the air so I pulled my jacket a bit closer to me so it hugged my body snugly. As I began to reach into the more rural side of town, I had debated going back home.
I'm glad I didn't.
So I took my chances and wandered into the night. I found a nice little quiet route through some trees and over a bridge. It would be a pleasant way to end my walk and go back round another way to my apartment. To no surprise, there wasn't many people around. Occasionally I saw one or two rowdy teenagers or perhaps people on walks such as himself. The bridge was quite a popular spot in the daytime, it was sturdy and presented a great view over the town. Although, when I saw someone on that bridge I didn't understand the appeal of standing there at night time. There seemed to be no one else around but the shadow.
My walk was interrupted when the dark figure climbed atop of the railing of the bridge. My attention was caught and made a desperate hurry over there, how dangerous was that?! What if they fell? Unless…
"Hey don't jump!" I yelled as I ran over to the top of the bridge where I had seen the standing figure. Now they were more clear, I could make out a crumpled white shirt and grey slacks hanging desperately to his hips by his belt. I was sure he was blond but since he had his back to me it was hopeless trying to see what colour his eyes were. At first, he didn't respond. I quickly caught my breath. "Please, you don't need to jump,"
"What would you know?" his voice was hoarse and almost broken, there was a noticeable crack in his tone sounding almost like he'd been crying. He was right I supposed, what did I know? Nothing about him maybe but that didn't mean I didn't want to help him.
"I know that you need help," I told him firmly, furrowing my eyebrows. It wouldn't be good to reach in to touch him just yet. I pushed my glasses up from falling down the bridge of my nose.
"I'm past being helped, do yourself a favour and go home," he said as blunt as he must have been able to manage.
"You don't need to do this, please, get down from there, " I try to keep explaining desperately.
"Didn't you hear me kid? Go home, stop wasting your time," Kid? Usually, I would have reacted a little harshly towards that. I was hardly a child, I mean hey! You're talking to the guy whos going to be a world-class doctor one day. Some day in the future, I'll have saved hundreds of lives but right now, saving this one was more important.
"At least give me a chance…" I began.
"A chance? Tell me kid, why should I give you a chance? What makes you so different from everybody else?" he retorted.
"I'm not any different. I'm as ordinary as any other guy that walks around these parts at midnight. Except I want to do something to help you,"
"Like I said you're wasting your time,"
"Am I though? You're still alive right now aren't you? Whilst you're having this conversation with me it's keeping you alive even if we're arguing, that's something isn't it?"
He's quiet and that told me that what I had just said had affected him. Talking again perhaps would ruin the moment, not that this moment could get much worse unless he took the plunge now. I let him embrace the silence between us. Hesitantly, I took a step toward him and was pleased to find he didn't particularly react to it even though he must of heard me. I took it as a good thing that he didn't tell me to go away or step back.
"I suppose," he uttered quietly but loud enough for me to hear. Seeing his shoulders relax from their tense state, I decided to continue.
"No matter how deep you've dug yourself in that hole, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel until someone buries you when you're dead. You just gotta wait for that person with the ladder and if you'll let me I'll be that person with your ladder because whether you like or not dude I'm a part of your life now. Whether it be losing sleep over not being able to help you or seeing you become the best you can be, I'm a part of your life. Stepping down is a hard decision to make but I can tell you that stepping one in the other direction eliminates the option of it ever getting better. I mean...you can't go any further down when you've hit rock bottom right? The only way is up. To even think about this...I can't imagine, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't have been in your life earlier but right now, right this very moment, all I ask of you is to step down," It's a mouthful but somehow I manage it without a stutter.
To my surprise, he begins to lower himself until he is seated on the edge of the bridge. This would be an easier slip but also just a turn and he'd be away from danger. I watched him and waited to see if he would reply. When he said nothing, I assumed he wanted me to keep talking.
"Think about all the things you'll never see or hear again. The pretty colour of the sky when the sun rises and sets, the birds chirping in the trees in early dawn. How the stars shine at night," I look up to the sky. "All the things you won't get to experience or feel. Standing at an altar waiting for your bride, touching the hand of your newborn. Getting a good nights sleep. The list goes on and on,"
Somehow I could tell I was getting to him.
"And...if you don't have anyone to experience that with now, I will," I finished. "So please, get down from there,"
"Is that...what you really believe?" he asked. I was confused by the question. What did he mean exactly? As far as I was concerned, I was just stating facts. "Isn't it a bit mean to lie to someone like me?"
"I swear on my life, my family's life, my soul can burn in hell so help me, I am not lying to you, I want to help you," I quickly protest to his response.
"But why?" he fired back at me. Twisting around slowly on the railing to face me. I could see his face now. He was a young man, can't be any older than his mid-twenties. Messy blond locks framed his face and his eyes were a striking emerald green. However, not anything particularly more than average. He didn't seem like he'd have a problem getting a girlfriend. Sure, his eyebrows were a little bushy but they didn't look bad on him.
"I've always wanted to help people. I'm in medical school, I want to be a resident, I want to save lives. What kind of doctor am I going to be if I can't even save a man about to jump off a bridge?" I said softly, the words came out easily. It wasn't exactly the first time someone had asked me why I've wanted to help people.
I took the first step and took hold of his hand. He didn't protest or fight what happened. Successfully, I helped him down from the bridge railing and took off my jacket to wrap around him. It was substantially too big for him but it didn't matter. I threw my arms around him to embrace him as a form of appreciation. He accepted it and said nothing as he buried his face into my chest. I leant my head on top of his and never once in my life had I felt more happy to be holding someone.
"Thank you," he whispered quietly. I only nodded as we kept on hugging just for a little while longer.
"I have some pizza at home, I can fix you up a drink or something, just...spend the night?" I break the silence. He looked up at me and for a moment I swear I can see his lips curl enough to be smiling.
"I'd...like that," he agreed. So I lead him back to my apartment, pretending not to mind the cold night air to my skin as the man kept my jacket around his shoulders. We made little bits of small talk all the way. There was so many questions I wanted to ask but I supposed it was too early and I hoped I'd have the chance to ask him them one day. Somewhere along the line, I realised I didn't even know his name but it didn't matter. We were two strangers in the night, just getting by.
I learnt a lot of things that night. First of all, I had no idea how to make tea. That quickly became a problem. At first it was frustrating but in the end we had settled on having hot chocolate because that was better than any tea I could make anyway. Second, watching chick flicks with another male is extremely embarrassing especially when you cry every time. He was quick to panic but I assured him that it was only the movie to which he laughed. Third, his laugh was funny. Not that there was anything wrong with it, it was just...peculiar. I lost it when he snorted. The pizza was cold but it was still good. I was glad he didn't mind cold pizza.
By the end of the night I learnt that he was 23 and he had a scottish fold cat called Scones when he was 10 who got hit by a car. Poor cat. I learnt that he didn't have a favourite colour but he did own a lot of green. As the night became quieter, I found out that he got depression when he was 15 after his mother died. I hugged him again for a little while. He didn't want to talk about the events after that leading up to his suicide attempt that I prevented.
I'm not sure when we fell asleep on the couch but it must have been close to 3 maybe 4 in the morning. It was a perfect end to a perfect night. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, maybe to stay up and talk to him for a bit longer but it felt like I had all the more time in the world to do that and make memories with him. I let my eyes become heavy. I let myself fall asleep. Yet still, I did not know his name.
But it didn't matter.
When I woke in the morning, I was cold. My vision was blurry when my eyes fluttered open and I recognised it as a lack of glasses. I couldn't recall ever taking them off the night before so perhaps the man had done it for me. Speaking of which…
Where was he?
I became aware that I was alone on this couch. I quickly scanned the room for my glasses and found them on the coffee table in front of me. Reaching for them, I slipped them on my face and adjusted my vision. Maybe he had gone to the bathroom, he looked like he needed a shower after all. Or he was going to fix something up in the kitchen. I lifted myself up and checked the bathroom first but he wasn't there. So I walked in the kitchen but he wasn't there. I looked up at the clock, it was 11. It wouldn't have left already right?
I was about to call him but I realised I didn't have a name to call so I turned to leave. Before I could take that last step out of the doorway I noticed a piece of lined paper stuck to my fridge by one of the magnets. Retracing my steps, I moved back to read the note. The handwriting was neat and quite fancy, it must have been the blond man's.
Thank you for everything last night.
I wonder what would have happened if I met you earlier.
But we are just two strangers who met one night.
I'm sorry.
What on Earth did he mean? Panic struck me at a hundred miles an hour. I ran as quick as I could to grab my shoes. Slipping them on my feet and tying the laces messily. I thought I changed everything when I grabbed his hand. I was cut short by knocking on my door from the kitchen. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe this was him now. Eagerly, I raced back through the kitchen and opened the door.
Police officers?
"Alfred Jones?" the older one asked. I nodded.
"Yeah that's me, how can I help you officers?" I responded with a question. I was kind of in a hurry so my sentences felt rushed. I had to get to the bridge as soon as possible.
"We'd like to ask you a couple questions about Arthur Kirkland," the other police officer told me. The name doesn't ring a bell. I'm sure I don't know an Arthur Kirkland. I smile politely.
"I'm sorry I don't know an Arthur Kirkland," I explained, ready to shut the door on them.
"He commit suicide this morning and was found dead in the river under the bridge downtown, he was last seen leaving this premises early this morning," the police officer continued.
The words hit me like a freight train. Somewhere along the line, I realised I never learnt his name but it mattered. There was so many questions I wanted to ask him but now I realise it's too late and there was no use hoping I'd have the chance to ask him them one day.
We were just two strangers in the night, now unable to get by.
