When Deidara woke up, he immediately realized several things were wrong.
One, everything looks fucking tall.
Two, he was in some alley. Where? He didn't know.
Three, other Akatsuki members were there with him, waking up or awake.
Four, he shouldn't be waking up, and neither should the rest of the Akatsuki because they were all fucking dead.
Kisame woke up with a slight groan. Deidara saw realization, then alarm and confusion cross the shark/man thing's face.
"Aren't you all dead?" the shark/man asked.
"Yes." Konan, who was already awake, nodded. As if this were normal.
Hidan woke with a scream and punched Itachi, who was slowly waking up next to him, in the face. Itachi punched Hidan back, and Hidan attempted to start a fistfight, although Kakuzu intervened before things escalated.
Hidan seemed to realize that he wasn't where he was supposed to be. "What the fuck?"
Deidara noticed Sasori in the corner, drawing patterns in the dirt. His face was blank, staring at nothing. "I was killed by a pink-haired girl," he whispered. "And my grandma..."
Deidara winced. This was the closest to emotional Sasori could get.
"Everyone's awake," stated Pein, who had been waiting patiently for everyone to wake up. "Good. We must make a plan—"
"Right, planning," interrupted Hidan, "That's fucking good 'n all, but what the hell is the snake fucker doing here?" the Immortal asked, gesturing to Orochimaru.
The scientist shrugged. Then hissed. Deidara shuddered slightly. Creepy bastard.
Tobi, or Obito, Deidara didn't fucking know, spoke up. "Uh, before we get to the planning part, I just want everyone to know that I'm very sorry for lying to all of you for about...well, basically as long as I've known you, and, for the record, I didn't mean to lead you to your deaths. I was trying to make you hallucinate so that your dreams come true by putting you in a genjutsu. Forever." Tobito winced. "That sounds bad now that I hear myself."
"Don't worry, you son of a bitch," reassured Hidan. "I forgive you. People murder and fool me all the time. Just look at Kakuzu."
Everyone did in time to witness him face-palming.
Deidara felt the urge to copy him.
Sasori raised his hand with a flat look on his face. "I think I was dead for this," he says dully. "What the hell."
"...Er, anyway..." Konan trailed off. "First we need to find a base of operations. Discreetly."
Kisame frowned. "No action for me."
"Why the fuck not?" Hidan, the dumbass, wondered.
Kisame looked at the immortal oddly. "I'm a walking shark. My skin is blue. I have a sword with fucking feelings."
Hidan blinked.
"Itachi, Sasori and..." Pein hesitated. "Tobi. Madara. Obito..? What is your name?"
"Just call me Obito. Or Tobi. Or Tobito. It doesn't matter." Tobito shrugged.
"Wait..." Kisame trailed off. "We're taking the guy who betrayed, deceived, and led us to our deaths, with us? That sounds stupid, Hidan level stupid." He paused. "Sorry, Hidan."
Hidan shrugged. "Death kinda made me soft, so I won't sacrifice ya."
Itachi walked up to Tobito with a completely neutral look on his face. "If you betray us...I will stab you."
Deidara blinked. "That's a rather bland threat, un." That came out more aggressively than he'd intended, but then again, he did hate the guy.
Itachi glanced at him. "I suppose so..." he trailed off, pausing in thought. He nodded to himself. "Okay, allow me to rephrase that. If you betray us, I will tie you to a pole, cut out your vital organs and carve them into cute little animal pieces and shove them down your throat before dismembering your arm and beating you to death with it. I will then proceed to shove it down your throat, then hang you by the ceiling to bleed out, thereafter, I will take a boat paddle and beat you with it until I am confident you are dead. Once I am sure you are deceased, I will create a soup out of your remains and feed it to everyone you've ever loved."
Silence.
"Oh, and Zetsu," Itachi began, turning to Zetsu...Who was now a potted plant with a face on it? Itachi kicked him. "Go fuck yourself."
"Hot damn, I am questioning my sexuality," Hidan stated, impressed.
"I did not need or want to know that." Kakuzu glared at the zealot. Hidan ignored him.
"The rest of us will find a base. Sasori and Deidara will rendezvous with you here in an hour," Pein continued as if the conversation never happened.
"Why the fuck should we listen to you?" growled Hidan.
Deidara frowned. "Because we're in unfamiliar territory, and the only familiar thing we have is each other, un. Because we've worked together before, we have the advantage of knowing each other, which makes it easier to trust and work with one another, un. That would be our only advantage here, un," the bomber explained.
Hidan pouted but didn't argue. The zealot already knew that—one couldn't just become S-class without some intellectual ability—although he didn't want to admit it. They might need each other.
And damn, wasn't that a punch in the balls?
"Alright," interjected Konan. "Scatter!"
Sasori was killed.
By a pink haired girl.
He was also reformed.
He doesn't remember why he did that. Maybe he shouldn't kill his emotions. Yeah. Good idea.
The redhead had noticed some strange things—other than the unfamiliar world. He was no longer a puppet. He'd also given some Suna-brat his puppets, and he doesn't have his stuff, so the puppet-master was puppet-less.
How the hell did that happen?
Sasori and Itachi had split; Sasori was capable on his own, and so was Itachi—although, the Uchiha had taken Tobito with him since he was familiar with the Sharingan. Sasori didn't argue.
So far, Sasori had found out that the natives spoke in an odd dialect similar to the one used in the Elemental Countries, not quite the same, but close enough to understand and adopt it. The land they were in was called Japan, and redheads were not normal; they thought he'd changed his natural hair color. Which was ridiculous. However, they seemed to think him troublesome due to his bright hair, so he caught on to the fact that he should henge to become less noticeable.
Tokyo was the city the Akatsuki was in. There was no ninja. Nobody carried around weapons, or weapon pouches, which meant that the population was large, if not entirely, civilian. By look around a shop with odd books, he found that they had weapons they called "guns", which shot pellets they call "bullets".
Their clothing was rather strange, as well. They didn't wear mesh or cloaks; they wore odd shirts made of unfamiliar fabrics with designs on them.
Further investigation in shops revealed they didn't use Ryo as currency. By hanging around the cashier, he found that the currency was "yen".
Once Sasori found a map, he realized they were nowhere near the Elemental Countries. In fact, they didn't even exist. There was no ninjutsu, genjutsu, nothing. No ninja, no chakra. It was completely mundane, civilian.
Nearly nobody was a threat.
When approximately forty-five minutes passed, he rendezvoused with Itachi and the Traitorous Brat and found they had nearly the same information. The further assessment found that this place was much more technologically advanced, and yet much more harmless than the Elemental Nations.
They could live a normal life.
That was something to swallow.
