Arthur Weasley Plays Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup
by Arrows' Biggest Fan
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup is a computer game made by Electronic Arts. Arthur Weasley, the Burrow, Quidditch and the rest of the Harry Potter universe were created by Joanne Rowling and the rights are held by Warner Brothers, who insist on making mildly good films and pretty bad merchandise. I am making no profit whatsoever. Please do not send me to Azkaban.
I am writing this fanfiction because it was the best way I could think of reviewing EA Games' Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup from the point of view of someone who thinks totally and utterly that the Harry Potter 'canon', and none of the rubbish Warner Bros. have dreamt up, is correct in the HP universe – personified by Arthur Weasley. As I'm British, please e-mail me (arrow@free3mail.cjb.net) if you don't understand any words or phrases. Also, you may like to visit my website at www.arrowsharry.cjb.net and anyone who likes computer games (and reading this, no doubt you do) can download some I have made with Mark Overmars' Game Maker at New Infinity's website (www.newinfinity.cjb.net). There are games for the wizarding sports of Quidditch (not quite as advanced as EA's) and Swivenhodge.
Chapter 1: The Funny-Looking Muggle Quidditch Game
Arthur Weasley was really quite proud of his Muggle computer-thingy, which sat in the garage at the Burrow, powered by the best magical alternative to its electric supply he could find – Ron's old broomstick, which was connected to it with a thin piece of wire. You could do a lot of fun things on the computer, like write Ministry reports and play card games. You could even draw pictures and talk to people on the other side of the world through the Internetty.
The Internetty was how Arthur found out about the funny Muggle Quidditch game. There was talk about it on one of the 'Harry Potter' fan sites. They were a bit like building sites, Arthur thought. Most of them seemed to be in total turmoil. That was probably how they got their name. Maybe the mess was due to the spider. Arthur had never met it, but there did seem to be a lot of talk about the horrible bugs and viruses that lurked in its Web. Arthur hoped that they weren't too catching. The Web was supposed to be very big, worldwide in fact – what if he caught a nasty foreign disease?
Arthur liked the Harry Potter sites. He felt like he knew more than any of the Muggles in them, which didn't happen anywhere else. Whenever he tried to post a comment they told him to 'stop pretending you're a wizard. If you want to do that join one of the RPGs.' Arthur didn't know what a RPG was. He hoped it wasn't bad. It must have been strange for Harry, being so famous whilst nobody knew it.
Anyway, Arthur found out about the Muggle Quidditch game on the Internetty. He even sure some 'screenshots'. He hoped it hadn't hurt the screen when they shot it. The pictures looked a bit strange, not at all like real Quidditch players.
After work on Friday, 21st November, Arthur visited a Muggle shop. He had made sure he had all the right money – £500. He hoped it would be enough. The shop was called WH Smith. Arthur was amazed at what he saw. Muggle newspapers, Muggle pens, Muggle 'paper', Muggle magazines – even a large Muggle book about Harry Potter. It was big and yellow, and had a picture of a bird that just could have been a phoenix on the front.
Every shelf was neatly labelled with the category of goods, and Arthur soon found the computer games. He glanced down, and soon saw what he wanted. PC CD-ROM read the front of the box. Harry Potter™ Quidditch™ World Cup. 3+™ www.pegi.info. WB Interactive Entertainment™. EA Games™. Arthur wondered what 'TM' meant. Maybe it meant that the Muggles had stolen it. Arthur would have hated to have 'TM' after his name.
Also on the front of the box was a picture of a young looking Harry reaching out to catch the Golden Snitch on a broomstick. Lucius Malfoy's son was behind him, an evil look on his face. Both were wearing huge amounts of some sort of armour. They looked like Americanfootyball players on broomsticks. The two boys were flying over a rough imitation of a Quidditch pitch.
Arthur picked the game of the shelf and looked at the label. £2999 it said. Arthur picked it off the shelf anyway. Maybe he could trick the Muggle at the counter.
Arthur had to queue to buy the game. When he finally got to the counter he placed the game on it and smiled at the Muggle. A badge told him her name was Tracey. She took the game and beeped at it with a strange device. Then she took off its thick plastic covering marked 'Security' and said, "Twenty nine ninety nine, please."
Arthur handed over all ten of the notes. Tracey looked at him oddly and handed back nine of them together with one marked '20' and a small copper coin. She then printed off a small piece of paper covered in blue writing. Arthur read it interestedly, folded it neatly and put it in his pocket. Tracey seemed to have done everything, so he took the game, said "Thank you," and walked away.
He read the summary on the back of the game on the train journey home. A lot of men in ties and black jackets looked at him strangely. Arthur ignored them and read. Apparently he needed to mount his broomstick for the favourite sport of witches and wizards. He could lead any of the Hogwarts™ houses to victory in the Hogwarts Quidditch™ Cup. Then he had to select an international team and use his new skills to take aim at the Quidditch World Cup. Then it repeated it all in different words, giving each house's name with 'TM' after it and then telling him to pursue the greatest Quidditch prize of all. Then it told him to play the best Quidditch teams in the world, each with its own distinctive playing style – USA, England, France, Germany, the Nordic team, Japan, Spain, Australia and Bulgaria, who featured Viktor Krum. Arthur wondered which Muggle idiot had written this. The US and Spain, best in the world? What had happened to Ireland, and all of the other good teams? What was this 'Nordic team' rubbish? And Bulgaria had only one player who was worth mentioning, and that was Krum. All of their other players were pathetic. And the 'TM's were beginning to annoy him.
Reading on, he found he could go head-to-head with his friends in two-player action and master six different Quidditch challenges around Hogwarts. The rest of the writing was boring numbers and copyrights, so Arthur looked at the pictures. The captions told him to beat Bludgers, score with his Chasers and catch the Golden Snitch™. The players all seemed to be wearing armour. From what he could see of the stadia, they seemed to consist mainly of tall towers, and the pictures of the goalposts showed them at different heights. Had the Muggles ever seen a game of Quidditch? Had they considered the implications of defending goals at different levels? Arthur put the game down, yawned, and started to read the elderly Muggle next to him's newspaper. It was rather boring really: some drivel about some Ian Huntley and Iraq. Arthur was glad when the Muggle turned to the sports pages, but they weren't much better: who on earth was Jonny Wilkinson, and what was rugby? Arthur checked his game was safe, then fell asleep in the smooth, gliding train.
A/N: May I wish everyone reading this a very happy New Year!
