Chapter 1

Wakka and Tidus were long known as high school best buds; eventually they decided to take the relationship further, despite protest and disapproval from many... It might have worked out. Maybe.

'Shit. I need some sugar,' I thought. Not in the "I-need-to-get-hyped-up" sense, but in the sense that I literally needed sugar. Otherwise, my cake wouldn't taste right coming out of the oven! So, like all people living in a small neighbourhood, I headed to my next-door neigbour's with an empty cup in hand.

Lulu lived next to me, and beside her: Wakka. One plus to this neighbourhood. Lulu was fun to have for a neighbour... Sometimes. Well, she wasn't bad to have as a neighbour but certainly not good. She was horrible at playing the clarinet, for instance. Naturally, you would think one's skills on the clarinet are not important to being a good neighbour, (You people can be so naive sometimes) but Lulu played her's ALL THE TIME. However, I noticed that, for once, her daily clarinet session was NOT going on.

"Hello?" I knocked on the door.

No answer.

I went in. I called again.

"Hello?" I heard an odd thumping coming from the bedroom. Purely out of curiosity, I decided to check it out. When I pushed open the door, I almost dropped my cup. (I didn't actually, drop it, however. Thank goodness!) On the bed, engaging in some... Activities that weren't exactly... Innocent, were Lulu and... Wakka! I was so upset. I flung down the cup (Actually, I didn't, but now that I think of it, if I'd had time to think, I would have) and ran off. They didn't notice.

Upon getting home, I jumped on my sofa and cried a river (In a metaphorical sense, of course. I just cried alot. Although later that night, I had a dream in which I was in a very similar position to Alice (Wonderland Girl) and literally DID cry a river.) After I had successfully emptied my tear ducts, I seriously considered going to talk to Wakka. My concious was practically screaming at me to. However, my strong cravings for Ice-Cream- with a cherry on top- quickly outweighed my conscious.

After spending some time with Ben&Jerry, I opted for going to bed. Flopping myself down, I heard yet MORE noise coming from Lulu's. I glanced across our yards (Through the window, obviously. I don't like, sleep outside or anything crazy like that. Now when I say 'crazy like that' it includes secret powers to see through walls, so that's completely out of the question as well) and saw Wakka bouncing on top of what appeared to be... Well... Lulu. Sighing, I snapped the blinds shut and hopped back into bed.

When I awoke the next morning, it was in pain. Before now, I'd heard of (and had) hangovers, but never from Ice-Cream. I got up, head throbbing all the while, and walked over to the blinds. I undid them, and (much to my surprise, I'll admit) Wakka was STILL there. Of course, seeing him there brought back all my memories from the night before. Walking in on Lulu and Wakka, the crying, the Ice-Cream, the cup of sugar, and with that, my cake.

Cursing, I ran downstairs and into my kitchen. Upon seeing the mess from my un-cooked cake, I nearly broke down crying again. Now I would have to clean this up on a broken heart. Add to that the several Ice-Cream containers scattered about and I was pretty much screwed. (Not that I wasn't already. I was just more screwed than before)

After standing in my kitchen real quiet-like for about 5 minutes, I remembered my idea last night about talking to Wakka. Yes, I needed to talk to Wakka, and that's what I would do. Or not. Actually, I had no intentions, whatsoever of talking to Wakka. But I needed to talk to someone and, whether that someone be Wakka or not, I was going to. I picked up my phone, and dialed.

Wakka and Lulu were sitting in her kitchen, laughing and talking.

"Oh, Wakka! You're so funny!" Lulu gushed.

Well, of course I am Wakka thought. Lulu was telling him things that he already knew, but it was nice to hear it anyways. As Lulu continued to chatter, Wakka glanced towards the doorway. They'd found it opened when they woke up that morning, and he was extremely concerned. Turning his head to the window, he saw Tidus in his living room, talking on his portable phone. Wothout a second thought, he rushed to the window and closed the blinds. It wouldn't do to have Tidus know about this little affair.

"Um... Okay. Tidus, are you sure?" Yuna asked. I had told her all about Wakka's adultery, and had begged her to help me with revenge. Although the plan was good, Yuna wasn't so sure about my motivation. (Can you believe her?) She said Wakka seemed far too gay to carry on with Lulu behind my back. Although she did mention seeing Lulu and Wakka in the park together the other day. (Which only angered me further.)

"Yes, I'm sure! Yuna, PLEASE!"She was just NOT getting this. I needed to pull a serious stunt of revenge and she was the best person to help. I suppose if I'd really needed to I could have asked Rikku, but I figured she wouldn't be the best at keeping the plan secret. Glancing out the window, I saw Lulu's kitchen blinds being pulled shut by none other than Wakka himself. He was SO going to pay for this.

"Well... I guess. I'll help. But promise you won't tell anyone else, Tidus. I don't want them knowing I helped you do something so mean to Wakka." Yuna's voice came over the phone again and this time, if I could, I would've strangled her through the receiver. (Although I couldn't, I'm sure my day will come soon. Ah, modern technology) Who cared if I was mean to Wakka? He cheated on me! Reluctantly, I agreed to Yuna's pansy terms.

"Great!" Now she was all bubbly and reminded me an awful lot of Rikku. Maybe I shouldn't have asked her... "I'll be right over," she squeaked, and within seconds, I heard a distinctive click telling me she had hung up. Sighing, I put down the phone and headed to the kitchen to start cleaning.

Unfortunately, I didn't get much cleaning done. (Actually, it's not really UNfortunate. I would've screamed after 2 more minutes of that mess) As Yuna had said, she came RIGHT over. Like, as in, as soon as she hung up the phone, she was out the door and at mine. What happened to her hesitance towards my plan? I will NEVER get women. (Not that I want to, like I'm sure some men are dying to do. But, in case you didin't notice, gay guys aren't exactly super-concerned in the affairs of women)

Opening the door to let Yuna in turned out to be the worst thing that's happened to me in days. Including the whole Wakka-Lulu crap. She jumped in and completely bowled me over. (Although not like, with a bowling ball. She just jumped on me and forced me to the floor.)

"So! When do we start?" She was clearly excited about this.

"Um..." Crap. Smooth. I was trying to think up a witty comment. 'Um' didn't exactly suffice. Pusing my mind into over-drive, I said "As soon as you get off me, dear Yuna" in the most fancy-pantsy-english-guy-except-no-accent voice I could muster.

"Oh." Yuna was quiet for a few moments (AND completely um-moving. Although I didn't mind her sitting on my chest because she's heavy or anything. Gay guys work out too, you know. It's just that... I don't exactly like girls sitting on my chest, if you know what I mean. Not even Yuna. Although she is quite pretty) Eventually, she got off and I hastily scrambled to my feet, pulling her up with me. (I am a complete gentlemen. If someone needs help off the floor, I help)

Yuna slowly walked across my living room and sat down. I immediately felt guilty, although I don't know why. Personally, I didn't really care about Yuna's feelings. Well, actually, I did. Yuna and I were friends and all so of course I cared. But I'd never felt guilty over making her feel bad before, so I couldn't understand why today was any different. I was also confused as to why Yuna seemed so upset. She appeared to be awfully crushed after my little comment.

"Um... Hey, Yuna" (I might as well TRY to make it up to her somehow. I guess comforting her would be they best way. I still want to know why she's upset, so maybe I'll get that out of her while being a good friend as well.) "How 'bout we... Ah... Do something?" Yuna just kind of gave me this confused look with her big, round, really pouty, and cute (What the hell am I thinking?) eyes. "We don't need to start our plan just yet, you know? So... We could do something to fill the time." (I almost said 'something to fill the time, ya?' Clearly, I've been spending FAR too much time with Wakka. Hmph.) Despite my realization of Wakka's effect on my speech, I was instantly glad I'd said it. Real slow-like this big smile came on to Yuna's face and she jumped up immediately, grabbed my hand, and pulled my out the door, insisting she had a wonderful idea. God. I will NEVER get women.

Before now, I'll admit I'd never known how fast Yuna was. She was a tiny bit ahead of me. Just a little bit, though. I'm pleased to say, however, that Yuna put our plan into motion early and didn't even realize it. Just as she was dragging me past Lulu's house, Wakka and Lulu stepped out, and I'm quite sure I caught a glimpse of something like anger or envy on Wakka's face. Yuna continued to drag me down the street and after awhile, she stopped. Funny, I thought she said she had a wonderful idea. We were in the middle of the park. I was tempted to say "Hello! Yuna! It's the park. There is nothing special about this place" but, remembering the look on her face after my earlier comment (the one that landed me here) and seeing the excitement on her face now (AND being the kind person I was) I decided not to.

"Come on!" At this point, Yuna's voice was as bubbly as Rikku's was on a regular basis, and I ws starting to get concerned! "Trust me! The place we're goin' is super awesome! You'll love it!" Of course I will. Hopefully it'll be overlooking some giant cliff where were going so I can push you off Yuna. That was the last thing I remember before Yuna was dragging me through the trees and underbrush of the forest bordering the park. She probably was taking me to some cliff, only I had a feeling that I wouldn't be the one pushing someone off.

After what seemed like an awfully long time of running, we broke through a final wall of nasty tree branches. (Nasty because I had already taken three to the face. Painful, I tell you.) Completely NOT to my surprise, we were standing in a clearing that had trees on three sides and a cliff on the last. Hmm. And why exactly are we here, Yuna? I wasn't about to be murdered by this girl. The way I saw it, I'd let her help me with my revenge, so certainly she owed me something. And my death was not that something. I decided that I needed an escape plan.

So, while I was desperately stealing glances at the forest's borders, looking for a safe way out, Yuna stood looking over the cliff, smiling all the time. No doubt she was smiling over the thought of my dead body bouncing on the rocks below.

Or maybe not.

"Isn't it pretty, Tidus? I like to come up here and think. About... Things." I'm quite sure I saw- actually, I'm positive- a blush come to her cheeks at the word 'things.' For a moment, I almost vomited at the thought of what those 'things' might be. But, using my sheer will power alone (Plus the fact that I didn't have any food in my stomach to dispose of, except for all that Ice-
Cream, and I wasn't ready to give that up just yet) I held it in, and let Yuna continue to stare at the sea.

Wait. The sea? Since when had there been a sea here?

"Um... Hey, Yuna?" I started to ask Yuna about the sea, and where exactly we were, but her excitement at my voice kind of freaked me out.

"Yes?" Yuna turned around, with her eyes all a-glow. "What is it?" she asked in this over-excited girly voice. I almost started to back away slowly, like we'd been taught to do if near a wild animal in Boy Scouts. However, I quickly realized that I did NOT know the way back.

"Um... Where are we? And what ah... Um..." I flailed my hands around, trying to get the proper word out. (I'm not sure if flailing your hands helps with that, but it's definitely something to do.)

"Um...?" Yuna prompted me to finish my sentence. Still at a complete loss for words, I gestured to the water.

"What...?" At this, Yuna giggled.

"What body of water?"

Erm... Yes. That would be what I meant."

"Oh, Tidus! You're so funny! How could you forget that?" Suppressing yet more giggles, Yuna continued. "This is the Pacific Ocean!"

"The Pacific Ocean?" I asked (Rather dumbly, I'll admit) "Like... As in China?"

After my genius question there, Yuna just kind of paused for a short while before saying, "Tidus... As in... The PACIFIC OCEAN. You know, it's really big... On this side of America..." Yuna allowed her voice to trail off, gesturing with her hands towards this 'Pacific Ocean' of hers. I don't know what she expects from me, really. Geography has never been my strong point. EVER.

Wait a sec here.

Yuna should not expect anything from me. Yuna wasn't like, my MOM or something. Or my girlfrien- Heh. No. She's not. I think I'll just stop on that right now.

Well, so, we were standin' there, on a cliff, and I found myself beginning to get cold. Yuna's had her fun at this cliff, now we're outta here.

"Yuna. Let's go. It's freezing." Yuna turned around, looking extremely shocked and amused.

"But Tidus, it's the middle of summer!"

Okay, so I lied. I'm not cold. I just wanted to get away from here. NOW.

"Well... Can we go somewhere... else?" For a moment, Yuna looked really disappointed, but (Much to my horror, I assure you) a broad grin came to her face seconds later, and once I again I found myself being dragged through snapping tree branches by Little Miss Yuna.

I only hoped she wasn't taking me to some other place of sure death.