Chapter 1: Nerves

Just what is he doing? He has no idea. Sitting here in the twilight, above a near-naked body he's not touching.

Hovering, staring. Nervous gaze flickering across a hammering pulse point; the transition of alabaster skin into a light tan; a rosy nipple, wreathed by fine strawberry blonde hairs.

They've done this before- fond memories of something spontaneous, playful. Tonight they wanted to take it a step further. And here he is, put on the spot. Frozen into place like an adolescent boy.

Waiting eyes are seeking his- and he continues to avoid them, hides from the fear of rejection looming within.

He turns towards where she is sitting. Sprawled out on the chaise longue behind him, looking every bit the utter goddess she is. The moonlight's faint glow is illuminating select portions of her body, but his mind fills in what he can't see.

The sheer gleam of lace-trimmed stockings outlining the stretch of her legs. A delicate garter belt framing her hips, the same shade of sin as the whisper of silk over her crotch. Argent shimmer tracing the bare swell of her breasts, taut peaks pointing at the ceiling.

She's returning his look, observing, anticipating. Sensing his predicament. Smiling in reassurance, but that nearly makes it worse.

As he turns back his frown deepens. He's barely half-hard at this point, the pleasant buzz from the earlier drinks fading into a headache.

Being used to commanding, he's comfortable giving the two of them gentle instructions. Now that he's the one being instructed he's paralysed, shocked into helpless inactivity.

What if he does it wrong? Hurts him? What exactly is it she'd like him to do? Or he, for that matter? Fear of failure creeps up his bones; a cold shiver, painfully familiar. Its only remedy used to be the blue demon he's finally overcome.

He reaches deep down, to the place that held the determination to battle his addiction. Gathers the courage to look Alistair in the eye.

Layers of hurt, disappointment and repressed anger glare back at him. They've grown over years, into scars like the ones adorning Alistair's body. Underneath gleams a spark of hope, of a timid trust this man is extending towards him. He believes in Cullen. Wants him. But he cannot, must not be hurt again.

This sliver of trust, this flicker of affection tugs at him. It sends a hot flush down his chest, an urging tingle into his fingers and fresh desire surging to his cock. When it stirs he releases a shaky exhale, only realising now he was holding his breath.

Cullen huffs at himself. Might he be overthinking this?

Alistair can sense the hesitation. It sits between them like a barrier he wishes away but doesn't quite know how to make go.

He can empathise, far more than Cullen might realise. Though this isn't the first time together, it's different. Before it was tickles, smooches and happy rutting. And now?

Now the confident commander sits there hapless, lost in sudden doubt. Alistair wants to show him it's all right. He decides to try.

His hand trembles when he extends it. A hesitant caress across a stubbly jaw, over weathered yet soft skin and a smooth scar. Nothing happens at first. Then Cullen's head turns, a fraction per heartbeat. His eyes fall closed and he rests his cheek against Alistair's palm. He remains like that for a moment before his lips pucker for a tiny kiss between slender fingers.

There's a sigh and a change in Cullen's posture that he's happy to accept as a cue. Alistair reaches for that head of curls, dares to smile when Cullen leans in.

Their noses rub, and they search each other's eyes before their lips decide for them.

The first touch of their mouths is faint with yet-lingering uncertainty. As it deepens, relief radiates from each other's lips, bubbling up into longing. It's reminiscent of their first kiss- an exploration, cautious at first but getting bolder with each brush of their tongues, every audible smack of lips. When Alistair feels Cullen's scar twitch he can't help but give it a languid, indulgent lick- like that time at Skyhold all those months ago. They share a knowing grin and kiss again, harder.

Soon searching hands join in and, at last, rutting ensues.

Faded notes of crisp wine. Mint. A tangy hint of fine cheese. And warmth, slick and soft, leaving him aching for more. He'd forgotten how delicious this man is. Cullen grunts, leaning back to catch his breath. At once he's drawn in by the sight in front of him.

Alistair is facing him, resting on his elbows. His back is arched, neck stretched out, daring him to have a nibble.

He is beautiful. Elegant in his grace. Tempting as sin itself in his lustful surrender. Cullen's hands and mouth couldn't move fast enough for all the things he'd like to do. His Majesty's surprised moan rings sweetly in his ears when Cullen pounces on him.

Alistair's throat is first; a lick up its smooth stretch, a bite at the pulse point. Blood shooting to his groin at the sound he elicits. Up his jawline, fresh stubble scraping his lips. Fragrant, soapy bitterness.

A quick flick of his tongue against a plump earlobe. He jumps back when Alistair shudders almost violently, whimpering some unintelligible plea. Cullen gawks at him, trying to assess the reaction. His puzzled expression becomes a smirk, smug and salacious, when he realises Alistair's stare is begging for more.

He enjoyed that.

Without another thought he's back on him. This time his teeth worry the same lobe; digging in lightly at first, deeper when Alistair sighs, his arms giving way so he's flat on his back. Under him. Another tug, and those slim hips buck up. Cullen is bewildered and utterly aroused at the same time. He's never seen this response to the mere caress of an ear. And he won't have much time to reflect on his discovery. Alistair's hands are now on his shoulders, all but shoving him into his heaving chest, beckoning him to continue. So he does.

He traces the delicate shell's outline all the way to the top, delighting in the shiver that runs through the body underneath him. The same motion again, and again with a few added flicks of his tongue. Alistair writhes against him- chest, stomach and cock, swollen and ready. Fingers dig into his back, scratch down his spine. Cullen can't get enough. When he reaches the ear's thin tip he gives a quick bite then catches it between his lips. And sucks.

Cullen will never forget the low, wanton sound Alistair makes as his back arches off the bed. He continues rutting into the man above him; rubbing his length up and down, desperate for more. And Cullen is happy to oblige. Playing with his ear, teasing without mercy. Breathing his approval in sultry whispers until Alistair whines as if in pain, turning away. When his eyes meet Cullen's he's panting, pupils blown impossibly wide.

He's that close.

Full lips open a fraction then stop. There's something he wants to say but doesn't.

Cullen speaks instead. "What would you like, Alistair?" His own voice surprises him. All inhibitions now absorbed by almost-blinding lust, he sounds hoarse, dark, predatory.

It's Alistair's hand that answers, grasping his own to place it where he's hot and stiff. Cullen hisses at the throb against his palm, only a thin layer of cotton in between.

The sturdy bed's creaks and the rustling of sheets mingle in with the sounds of their desire as they go at one another. More feeling than seeing, they take their time exploring the other's body. Grinding, gripping, groping; smelling, savouring, listening. Pressing flesh against flesh, skin onto feverish skin, as if trying to melt into each other.

Cullen isn't sure when he lost his smalls. All he knows is he's intoxicated- bewitched by Alistair, his body, his caresses. His own cock is stretching, filling, swelling to its full size. Nice and heavy in his hand. (And Maker, can he think of places to put it.)

Her tipsy giggle rings in his head once more, anything but intimidating now.

I want to watch you

Cullen allows his tongue to brush across Alistair's bottom lip before leaning back, running curious fingertips down his neck; over puckered nipples; grazing tickly ribs before they settle on his underpants.

Play a little

A swift pull, one fluid motion. Out springs thick, rigid magnificence. Greeting him like a delectable sweet, a tempting toy. The base is adorned by a scattered few hairs. A thick vein pulses blue and irate along the gentle curve. From a thin mantle of skin the crimson head peaks out, dark slit pointing at him rather invitingly.

Cullen licks his lips.

Maybe use your mouths, too.

And he does.

First is a peck on shockingly soft skin. It evokes a twitch and the sweetest little ah. Cullen's nose runs down Alistair's length, breathing him in. Once at the bottom his tongue sneaks out in a slow, deliberate stretch. Blood pounds in his ears at the first contact. He tastes clean and of more.

A strangled moan pours from Cullen's outstretched tongue as he describes a warm, wet and torturously slow upwards path. He senses rather than sees his stomach muscles quivering, powerful thighs trembling. Stopping at the bulbous crown, he looks at Alistair, who is watching, mouth open in a silent enunciation.

Cullen's fingers wrap around the shaft, smoother than his own. His tongue flicks around the head, once, twice, then swipes across the slit. Alistair groans in shocked delight. Shaky fingertips brush down Cullen's face.

Under his king's, his lover's keen stare, he takes firm hold of the base, tugging back the skin. And from there it falls into place.

In a fleeting second's consideration he recalls something about lips covering teeth. It's what he does as his mouth closes around that wide head. Meaty girth stretches him as he sucks, his wet sounds a perfect harmony to Alistair's croaked half-words.

He repeats the motion, his hand pumping, until Alistair's hips begin rocking, grinding into his mouth. Without further consideration Cullen removes his hand and swallows him down.

Tears sting in his eyes and his throat burns, more so when Alistair arches up, invading his mouth further. But he wants to continue, is driven on by those helpless little sounds, by the urge to complete this familiar yet new act.

Cullen wills his mouth to relax, to accommodate the length and width. Holding the base, head traversing upwards, his tongue darts out, poking at the top. A short, daring glance before he dives in again, relishing each of Alistair's groans and bucks as he falls into a rhythm, steady and sinful.

Somewhere between a swivel and a bob something catches his attention. The faint scent of another barrier to be breached. Dark, musky, enticing.

Making sure Alistair is watching, he pauses to wet his own thumb, his tongue tracing allusive circles. He grins, watches Alistair bites his lip as the slick digits slides backwards, beyond his scrotum, to rest between those round buttocks.

Heat beckons him, and he caresses the virginal opening, humming along with Alistair's expectant whimpers. His eyes widen in fascination when he pushes, and pushes. And then his thumb disappears inside Alistair, who cries out, tensing up.

Cullen stops, on the verge of freezing again. But Alistair's not grasping his wrist to keep him away. He's nudging, urging him further in- like that tight ring of muscles is doing, clutching at his thumb.

A new rush of lust surges through him, proud and possessive. Leaning in, he tongues the neglected sac, draws it into his mouth. Watches how Alistair's head rolls and his brow pinches, one lick away from ecstasy.

With a growl Cullen is back on his erection- lapping, slurping, wanting it all now.

His thumb never stops its exploration, pressing harder when he finds the spot that pulls a desperate howl from Alistair. He's flying up and down now; trying to taste, suck, absorb as much of him as possible. Meeting the shallow thrusts that are becoming more insistent as the sac in his hand tightens.

The briefest flash of panic when the glans twitches. But he'll see this through, stay with him. Then thought evades him and it's all sensation.

Spend hitting his palate; hot, salty cream. An overspill, sticky dribble down his chin. Tangy musk. Wild spasms. Skin warming with flush. Muscles quivering, an entire body quaking. His voice breaking with Cullen's name, his name as Alistair spills the last of his seed before tremors quieten into trembles, heaves into sighs.

Cullen only notices the sweat at his brow when it cools as he makes a slow and reluctant withdrawal. Looking up at Alistair's dishevelled, boneless form, his chest swells with affection.

He did this. Shock, pride, painful arousal pulsate in his veins at the sight.

As soon as he moves up Alistair pulls him in, moaning when their tongues touch. He's tasting himself. Cullen grabs him by the hair, dragging him into his face, his body. His own release can wait as he savours this moment, this man.

When they break apart both are out of breath, sharing sheepish grins and bashful looks. Foreheads resting against each other, they rub their noses together then snigger. Another kiss, just the lips this time. Light, slow and tender. Rough fingertips brush a ginger lock from a heated cheek.

They share another look, gleaming with fresh zest. And mischief. A brief waggle of Alistair's eyebrows, and Cullen nods. Both turn towards the chaise longue where their next target is still watching.

They're far from finished.