"You have to help me Artie." Kurt announced with a flourish as he nearly fell across the study table his friend sat behind. "It's a matter of life and death. "

Artie barely lifted his eyes off his assignment for English class. He had learned early in the year the key to being friends with Kurt was to differentiate when Kurt was actually in crisis and when he just felt the need for a little extra attention. As it was, earlier in the week Kurt declared the return of leggings as a fashion statement a matter of execution. "Uh-huh." He grunted non-committally.

"Artie I am this close to listening to Mellancamp. Willingly."

That got Artie's attention immediately. Bad things always seemed to come when Kurt got near his father's CD collection. Trucker Kurt was strange enough but the less said about Hurts So Good Kurt the better. Artie quickly ran through all he had heard Kurt talk about in the last week. Mr. Hummel had finished Finn's bedroom so they were cool. Mercedes had convinced Quinn to join her and Kurt at their bi-weekly mani-pedi spa days. Tina had finally relented and allowed Kurt to take her to Sephora in Columbus. Puck, Matt and Mike were consumed with baseball season so no time for dumpster tossing. Santana and Brittany found a guy willing to date both of them at once. That left one person who could send Kurt into such a tailspin.

"What's Rachel doing now?"

"She's gone Dolly Levi. I think she's gone to every school in the district on this insane quest to find me a boyfriend."

"It can't be that bad."

"She's coming up with smash names for me." Kurt paused to raise his eyebrows meaningfully. "We're Kartie by the way."

Artie shook his head at that one. "She does know I'm dating Tina right?"

"I'm telling you she's lost it. She's needs a distraction. "Kurt flung his hands into the air. "Come up with some insane number for Sectionals next year. That will do it."

"She won't buy that. She's the only one who 's thinking of next year instead of finals."

"But focusing her on glee is my only chance!"

"Sorry." Artie pushed his chair back and began to head towards the stacks. "Besides, she'll suspect something if I come up with it now since she's about two feet away from you."

Kurt swung his head around and saw that Rachel indeed was racing towards them, a gleam in her eye he was becoming to find all too familiar. "She's found someone else."

"Lucky you." Artie smiled as he maneuvered past the table. As much as he was sure the upcoming conversation would be a fascinating car wreck, he had his own love life to attend to. He had promised Tina he would meet her for the final few minutes of study hall.

"Artie." Rachel smiled as she reached the table.

"Rachel. And for the record, I think he's being too picky." Artie grinned at the stink eye Kurt threw him. Ok so he would probably have to allow Kurt access to his closet to make up for that little joke, but it was worth it.

"See Artie agrees with me." Rachel's grin grew even wider as Artie waved goodbye. "Now we both know I more than anyone appreciate having the highest standards but you are being ridiculous Kurt. I think you're spending too much time with Coach Sylvester."

"First Artie's advice can be discounted since he's wearing last year's green with his sweater today. And secondly, there is nothing wrong with my standards. If you want to talk ridiculous standards, we need to talk about yours."

"There is nothing wrong with my standards. I strive for perfection and naturally achieve it."

Kurt bit back his retort about her wardrobe not reflecting her vaunted high standards. She would never acknowledge it anyway and just continue to push until she made her next attempt at a date for him. Days like today he wished he had never tried to go along with Puck's plan to assault Vocal Adrenaline. If he had known this awaited him, he probably would have just stayed seated and not risked destroying his Alexander McQueen pants. He had searched long and hard for those on EBay.

But even as he wished it, Kurt knew it was ridiculous. He would have done it even knowing about this matchmaking scheme hell he was currently in. It was part of the result of the endless lectures his dad had given him growing up about respecting women and not picking on girls. If his father found out he had sat by and let Rachel get picked on like that, (and since Finn would be involved, there was no doubt his father would find out) well there might not have been yelling but there would have been that look of disappointment Kurt hated to see. And he had told Mr. Schue the truth. Rachel was one of them. They got to humiliate her. No one else.

After all, for all their groaning about her bossiness and her determination to be not just a star in the club but THE star, they also knew she really did care about what happened to them. He couldn't fault her telling Finn the truth about the baby, if the situation was reversed he probably would have done the exact same thing for the same reasons she did. And she was the first one out of the choir room to check on Quinn, while the rest of them tried to find where Finn had hidden himself and Mr. Schue dealt with Puck. She had learned to share the spotlight. When Mr. Schue re-arranged Don't Stop Believing for regionals, she had barely put a fight about losing much of her solo. She wouldn't be Rachel if she gave in automatically after all.

Oh dear Gucci, he thought. He had been right when he told her she was like family but it was probably closer to annoying little sister than distant cousin. And an annoying little sister that he put up with because he maybe, kind of, liked her. Or at least understood her.

When did this happen? When did Rachel Berry actually become someone he might under extreme torture admit to being friends with? He didn't think he had hit his head but apparently he had at some point and suppressed the memory.

He was friends with Rachel Berry. Who had made it her life's mission to set him up since all but physically banned her from coming near the choir room until next school year.

"And he's new in town so it's perfect. " Rachel finished breathlessly. "I told Sam all about you and he's dying to meet you."

Vaguely Kurt wondered what exactly Rachel would consider "everything" about him. There were very real odds if he ever approved of one of her choices, he'd spend half the night doing damage control. After all Rachel couldn't help being Rachel. For every three compliments she probably gave about him there was probably a backhanded insult that she didn't realize was an insult. He'd have to work on that with her.

Kurt shook his head. He would have to work with Rachel on something? What the Prada was happening to him?

"So…what do you think?" Rachel asked pointedly, her finger firmly placed on the picture he assumed she brought with him. Only Rachel would demand photographs as a necessary requirement for a blind date set up.

Out of habit, he looked the picture with the word no already formed on his lips. But the word died right there. Somehow, in the middle of Cowtown, Ohio Rachel had managed to dig up a virtual Jake Gyllenhaal look alike. And he was gay? Kurt looked up incredulously at Rachel. "Are you joking?"

"Kurt you can't find anything wrong with him. He's perfect."

"I know that's why I'm freaking out." Kurt responded. He could admit he had missed most of what Rachel described him as, up to and including his name, but if this guy had managed to not only impress Rachel, but go along with her insanity, he had to be worth looking at right?

"I can't even being to believe I'm going to say this. And I'll most likely need to call my therapist immediately after but Rachel?"

"Yes Kurt?"

"Give me his number."