T'was a bright and sunny day in Lhant—about 2 years after their big adventure. Asbel, Cheria, and Sophie are all living together in the Lhant family mansion. Captain Malik brought the windmill from that guy who's always out there staring at it. He now likes people to refer to him as "Captain Windmill"—don't ask me why. Hubert and Pascal live together in Duke Dalen's old mansion in Gralesyde. Richard, of course, is at Barona castle, where his rule is a sort of "gentle domination". Finally, Lambda works at the new Wal-Mart in Barona-(Yep, they even have a Wal-Mart on Ephinea!)—as a floor manager. His motto, "if you have time to lean, you have time to clean!"
Anywho, we move on to the usually quiet village of Lhant. And we approach the Lhant mansion, where there seems to be a bit of a commotion…
Sophie looks at Asbel and asks, "How long has she been IN there, Asbel?"
Asbel sighs and says, "Oh, I don't know, Sophie. But it HAS been a while. I CAN understand her situation though. I thought she was done about 10 minutes ago, but I heard her sit back down on the can."
Asbel knocks on the door gently, "Hey Cheria, you ok in there?"
A loud, ripping fart echoes throughout the stately bathroom before Cheria answers, "Ugh…NO! I'm NOT okay! My stomach…ooooh!"
Asbel and Sophie glance at each other and then they hear some slight whimpering and sniffling.
Sophie asks, "Cheria, are you…crying?"
Cheria replies, "Oooh…this is so embarrassing!"
Frustrated, Asbel says, "Look…Cheria—I TOLD you NOT to eat that roast beef sandwich! Hell, it was sitting out in the sun when SOMEONE forgot to bring it in from last night!"
Cheria replies, "Well EXCUUUUSE M for wanting to eat my sandwich! I just didn't want to waste it!"
Asbel replies, "Cheria, it had MAYONNAISE on it—you know damn WELL sun and mayo don't mix!"
Cheria can be heard audibly crying at this point and Asbel just winces and places his hands on his temples and starts rubbing them in a circular motion while taking deep breaths, as Sophie rubs his back and walks him back downstairs.
About 30 minutes later…
Cheria wipes the tears of embarrassment from her eyes as she reaches for the toilet paper. She wipes, checks, and grimaces as she leans over and throws the soiled paper in the toilet. This continues until she's no longer seeing any…residue on her tissues. She gets up, flushes, and steps into the shower for a quick wash-up. Afterwards, she dries off and heads downstairs—and in a MUCH better mood, at that.
She enters Asbel's study and he looks up and says, "Hey baby, you ok now?"
Cheria smiles and twirls around happily. She dances over to Asbel and sits on his lap, putting her arms around his neck. She finally replies, "Aaaahhh…I'm doing faaaabulous, Asbel!"
Asbel gives her a quick peck on the lips and replies, "Ah…THAT'S my girl!"
Cheria says, "Oh, If you need me, I'm going to be in the bedroom!"
"Ok Cheria. See ya'!"
Cheria prances happily to her bedroom, feeling about 10 pounds lighter on her feet. She plops down on her bed, feels some residual gas building up and, before blast-off, she looks around to see if the coast is clear and it IS. Sh lifts up a thigh and cuts one right on her bed. She giggles to herself momentarily.
She reaches for her perfume, spritzes it in the air a couple times, and gets her favorite magazine and starts reading it. After a few minutes, something odd occurs. She grimaces a little and starts sniffling around her vicinity.
She mumbles to herself, "Whaaaat the—Why does it smell like…poo?" She knew she farted a short while ago, but that should've cleared by now, not to mention, she could still smell the perfume in the air.
She starts to lean forward and her bookmark falls in between her ankles onto the floor. She bends over and smells…
Her eyes widen to the size of dinner saucers. She realizes that it's her that…smells. Immediately, she feels embarrassed because if she could smell it, she knew Asbel could likely smell her, as close as she was to him. She slides over to her dresser and realizes something mid-slide…
As she's sliding, she feels a soft dampness and she could feel her cheeks not "gripping" the bedsheets like they should. She could feel them literally "gliding" across with a smelly dampness that she didn't want to think about. Getting that ready-to-cry-from-total-embarrassment-feeling inside, she called Asbel's study.
Asbel picked up the phone, "Um, hello?"
Cheria softly replied, "Um…baby, could you come here? I think I may have a problem."
Asbel replies, "Ok, I'll be right there, Cheria!"
Asbel darts out of his study and zooms upstairs, kicking the bedroom door open dramatically, in the process.
Cheria jumps slightly and rolls her eyes, "Asbel, what'd I tell you about kicking the doors open? This is our 5th door this month!"
"Sorry Cheria, I just wanted to make a hero's entrance for you, baby!"
Cheria rolls her eyes, "Whatever. Anyway, I think I have a major problem on hand."
Asbel panicked, asks, "Oh no…you're not…PREGNANT, are you?"
Cheria, "No, it's even worse! I think…I think I may have swamp ass."
Asbel's eyes grew big as he glanced at Cheria's stomach and then back at her terrified eyes. Asbel thinks to himself, "Damn…not this. Not like this! I gotta' call Captain Malik!"
Asbel nods and says, "Ok, Cheria, stay right here, I'm getting Captain Malik! HE'LL know what to do about this!"
Cheria's stomach starts growling again and she says, "Oooh, hurry Asbel!"
So Asbel darts out of the mansion and into the spaceship and flies it only two doors down to Malik's windmill. He figures it beats walking.
He explains the situation to Malik and he replies, "Swamp ass? Damnit Asbel, if this is true, we can't waste any time! Let's go see Cheria!"
So they hop aboard the ship and fly over to the mansion. They teleport into Cheria and Asbel's room where Cheria frantically explains her symptoms to Malik, who's stroking his chin while taking all the information in.
After a few minutes, Asbel asks, "So what about it, Captain?"
Malik takes a breath and says, "Hmm…it definitely sounds like a classic case of Swamp-ass, indeed. We'll have to act quickly! Mainly because it stinks in here, dude. By the way, Asbel, did you know that in some regions of our world, they call this condition 'mud-butt'?"
Asbel glanced downward, "Really Captain? 'mud-butt'?"
Malik replies, "Yep…in fact I had a terrible case years back—I remember it like it was yesterday—I had a chicken kabob from a street vendor in Zavhert. It tasted kind of…off, but I was hungry, so I kept eating it. About 10 minutes later, my stomach started growling and that was all she wrote-I couldn't find a stall fast enough. To this DAY they won't allow me to use the restroom at their inn."
Cheria replies, "Wow Captain, you've been through a lot! But, can you pleeeease go and get something to help me with this?"
"Okay young lady, we're on our way! Come on, everyone, let's go!"
Sophie, Asbel, Malik, and Cheria all board the spaceship.
Asbel asks, "Everybody have their seat belts on? Ok then, here we go!"
The ship lifts up into the sky and Malik says, "Ok Asbel, we're headed for Barona. We have to see King Richard, urgently!"
"Awwww, damn…do we HAVE to see him?"
Forcefully, the Captain replies, "YES, we do!"
Asbel whines, "But he…he always tries to hit on me!"
Malik sighs and says, "Get a HOLD of yourself, Asbel! It only works in YOUR favor that our king is gay for you!"
Sophie replies, "Yes Asbel, it can only help Cheria! Besides, King Richard is the only one that knows where the treasure chest for the mud-butt remedy is located! We HAVE to go see him!"
Asbel glances at Cheria with a somber look in his eyes. He sees Cheria doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach. He puts the ship on auto-pilot and walks over to her and strokes her lovely red hair.
He says softly, "Hang in there, Cheria. I love you, and we'll get your medicine and you'll be right as rain!"
Cheria looked up at Asbel and gave him a weak smile.
Malik stokes his chin (like always) and asks Cheria, "By the way Cheria—what did you do with the offending sandwich? I mean, you threw it away, right?"
Cheria furrows her brow and gently replies, "Well, um…I left it on the dining room table, but when I went to throw it away, it was gone."
At the potential urgency of this NEW situation, Malik and Asbel immediately lock eyes. Cheria looks at the both of them and asks, "You don't think that someone—"
Malik strokes his chin and says, "Yes, I'm afraid so, Cheria. SOMEONE just MAY have eaten that sandwich! And by now, it's likely deadly."
Sophie raises an eyebrow and asks, "Dude…seriously? With a BITE already taken out of it?"
Everyone looks at Malik and he just awkwardly says, "Well…um, uh…It can HAPPEN!"
Cheria shakes her head and says, "UN-BE-LIEVABLE!"
To be continued…
