twilight is not mine, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer, I just play around with her characters
had some built up anger and wanted to expand on the idea of edward and bella fighting about jacob. like always. but especially after edward physically prevents bella from going to see him.
written with love
"I can't do this anymore. Not with you."
Bella sighed for what seemed like the eightieth time that night.
She took a step out of the Cullen's garage into the crisp night air, burning her lungs with a deep inhale. Edward followed, shutting the door to the house to give them the illusion of privacy. Normally he would want to hold Bella in the midst of her distress, but he kept his distance knowing that he was the cause of her distress.
"I don't know Edward, I just feel like we keep having the same fight over and over again. I'm tired." Bella kept a steady voice while her back was turned to Edward. She lifted her head towards the stars and continued. "You know how I feel about Jacob. But you also know how I feel about you. And I would hope that you trust me enough to be able to tolerate it when I go see him but it seems like you don't. Your actions tonight made that very clear." A sharp bite punctuated her words.
Witnessing Bella's anger was a new territory for Edward and any of the Cullen's for that matter. Edward let her get a few heavy breaths out before he even thought of responding but apparently he was too slow.
"Are you even going to respond? To give me some excuse or explanation or god forbid an apology?" Bella whipped around, eyes alight with anger.
Edward raised his head and moved his hands to what he hoped was a calming gesture. "Bella I understand that he's your friend and that you want to spend time with him but you have to see it from my point of view. He's dangerous, and unpredictable, and I know you don't want to hear that but it's the truth." He hoped that would placate her.
Bella laughed but it was devoid of any humor. "You really want to stand here and talk to me about the truth? Do you think you're the best person to be doing that?"
Before he had a chance to respond Bella was walking out of the garage and toward the driveway.
"Bella wait don't leave!" Edward begged.
"No Edward I think it's best if I do because I have some not very nice things to say and I don't feel like yelling them in front of your entire family!" Bella gestured to the house where six exceptionally hearing vampires were, to be noted, trying very hard not to listen.
"Bella just don't walk away. I didn't mean to upset you." Edward pleaded.
"And yet you did." Bella sighed, voice softer now but still cold.
"I was just being honest with you." Edward realized his misstep as soon as the words left his mouth.
Bella's eyes narrowed and her skin flushed but not out of the embarrassment he was used to but anger. "There you go again with that fucking idea! Edward do you know how many times you have lied to me? And not about little things either!" She ran her hands through her hair roughly and took quick steps towards him.
"You just looked me in the eye and said you were telling me the truth about Jacob. But I have some truths to share as well. You are just as dangerous as Jacob, just as unpredictable, just as deadly! In all honesty because I know how you love that word, Jacob is probably the one I should trust more!" Bella didn't miss the hurt that flashed in Edward's eyes as she practically yelled that in his face. She stood there heaving for a moment, daring Edward to interject.
"Are you going to ask me why I should trust Jacob more?" She challenged with a growl.
The silence surrounded them both as Edward waited for her to continue.
"Because Jacob was the one who was actually there for me. He stuck around. He cared enough to see me through the worst time of my life and help me put together what you brokeā¦" Bella's considerably softer words still cut through Edward, leaving him in a painful silence.
This silence engulfed them for what seemed like forever, Bella taking time to calm down despite how a small part of her wanted to keep yelling and screaming.
Bella walked closer to Edward, taking a cold hand in hers and visibly calmed down. Her emotions simmered from a crackling rage to a weary anger. "But before your thoughts run off a mile a minute and you beat yourself up just think about my words. I said I should trust him more. But I don't." She spoke softly now, as if he was the one who needed comforting.
"I don't because for some unknown reason I trust you and I love you. And as mad as I am at you right now that fact doesn't change. That's the unwavering truth, that I love you." She brought her eyes from their joined hands to his golden eyes.
"And yeah you really need to learn to take a step back and let me make the decisions concerning my friends and my safety. Because you are not in charge of me." She lifted his chin and gave him a look full of authority and love.
"I can actually take responsibility for my well-being and you need to be okay with it and respect and trust my decisions. Trust goes both ways, and you know that I trust you with all my heart. Probably a little too much." Edward's heart softened a little when she gave him a small smirk.
Bella took a couple steps back from Edward and slowly made her way to her truck. "I'm still very mad and it might take me awhile to settle down so I think it's best if I head home tonight. But you know I still love you Edward Cullen."
He took an unneeded breath and gazed at his love, the one who he had hurt almost irrevocably, the one who by some miracle still stayed with him. In that moment he vowed to be better. To put his judgements and opinions aside and let Bella speak for Bella. Because after all he would rather have a happy and slightly reckless Bella than a safe and resentful one.
Before she climbed into her truck he called after her.
"And truthfully, Bella Swan, I love you." He said with a wink.
She scoffed and rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself. And as she drove away into the night Edward felt a heaviness come over him when he realized just how much she had been suffering at his hand. All that time of not saying anything for sake of peace or whatever but inside her anger had been building. In some twisted way he was glad they had fought tonight. If one could even call it a fight. It was more of Bella venting, rightfully so. He knew that things would be better for it in the long run. With Bella's words ringing in his ears and settling in his heart he went back inside and prepared to spend the first night in a while at home.
Bella slept with the window closed that night.
