All my life, you've been my hero.
There was nothing you couldn't do. You would kill the monsters, and you would save everyone who needed help. Nothing could slow you down. If something was coming after me, you would be there in a split second. You were brave, selfless, and the most kind person I knew.
And then I opened my eyes.
You still see me as a child. I know how to fend for myself, yet you still don't trust a thing I do. We are supposed to be family.
Everyday, I've tried to prove myself to you. There have been times where I have died for you. That should have been enough to show you that you could trust me with your life. And yet you still refuse to.
Please. I don't want to feel like I constantly have to prove myself to you. To live up to the legacy I'm supposed to follow. I feel like the pressure is slowly crushing me. I feel like no matter what I do, it won't be good enough.
I trust you with my life, you know that right? Except I probably should have learned not to by now. You've broken my trust so many times, I've lost count. And yet I still continue to put my faith in you.
When will you trust me back? This is what I mean by proving myself. I would say that by trusting you, I deserve trust back, but I can't even say that. My doubts have clouded my mind from any resonable thoughts. The fact that you don't trust me makes me feel like it's because of something I did. Despite the fact that I know I didn't do anything.
Here comes the stress to prove myself again. Will you ever trust me again? Do you even see me as a brother anymore? Can I ever prove myself?
Will you ever be proud of me?
I'm sorry I've let you down so many times.
What the hell kind of brother am I? I've put you in harm's way more times than I care to admit. I don't even deserve to call myself your brother.
My entire life, I've only had one goal. To protect you. Keep you safe, or at least unharmed. And, as usual, I failed. In fact I remember the first time you ever had a near-death experience, and it was my fault.
I remember looking down at your body, listening to the ventilator's steady air flow helping you to cling on to whatever life you had left. The guilt I felt in myself was one of the worst pains I have ever felt up to date. You were only 14, and you might die at any second. If I hadn't left you alone, if I had been there to protect you, so many ifs... This was on me. It was then that I made myself a promise. I would never let you down again. Turns out I'm as good at keeping promises as I am at protecting you.
I can see how distant you are now. You've told me on multiple occasions to trust you, but I didn't. I wanted to, I know you aren't 14 anymore, but all I can think of is the hospital all those years ago. If that ever happened again, I don't think I would be able to get past it.
Ever since Dad died, you're the only person I have left in the world. Even the thought of losing you kills me inside. That's why I never want you to go off alone. I can't keep you safe if you leave.
I remember a few years ago you told me that you had been looking up to me since you were 4. That I was your hero. Or, at least, I had been. I'm not even going to try and guess the moment where you realized that there was nothing good about me. I am a disgrace.
I'm sorry for making you feel like a child. I'm sorry I'm such a worthless human being. I'm sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry I'm not the brother you deserve.
I'm sorry I couldn't make you proud.
