Lexa had never wanted to fall in love.
As a child the only thing she ever wanted was to be like her father, to be powerful and known and feared as a leader. While other girls ran around the school yard chasing boys, chasing dreams, chasing the freedom of being young; she had sat back, studied, observed, grew confident and independent and unwilling to be subservient to another. It had been that way for as long as she could recall, her father influence strong on her young mind and she'd never thought to question it. Her father, tall and strong and powerful, would never have lied to her or betrayed her trust and when she'd posed a question to his retreating form at the tender age of eight she'd trusted in everything he'd given to her. Laid in bed and watching as her father turned from her, Lexa had whispered a question of whether he loved her mother as deeply as he loved his daughter and his reply had been swift and as professional as she remembered him to be.
Between a sigh he'd replied, voice stern to ensure he was heard above the beating of their hearts. "Love is weakness, Alexandria," and she'd believed it. "Your mother was important to me, to our family, and I cared deeply for her. She was brave and loyal and she was wonderful with you until the day she passed, always remember that. But love distracts us, it makes us weak and trusting. Your mother was the only woman in the world capable of understanding that and I trust you to follow in her beliefs, and I know you will Alexandria. Life is about surviving and succeeding; love is a fleeting gesture, just as easy to lose as it is to gain. I would never wish you the hurt I felt on the day of your mothers passing, not when it can be avoided so easily."
In truth Lexa had never understood why her father would have wanted to stop her from feeling anything but she trusted him and he'd never led her wrong before, not in any of the choices they'd made. But she'd wished him a peaceful sleep, as he did her, and her eyes had finally closed with the promise to herself she'd never let him down and stray from the path he'd so graciously built for her.
Years passed before anything changed and it was in the Autumn of her eleventh birthday; the year Lexa learnt what freedom and fun and trust really were.
The year Clarke Griffin simultaneously started to open up her world and break everything she knew inside of it.
2006.
Golden leaves crunched beneath her boots as she walked home, the sound soothing to the young girl and she breathed in the cold air as she focused on the route home. A week ago her father had expressed his displeasure in her independence, worried about the other children at school using it as an opportunity to follow her, but his fears had been sated by Indra. The older woman had been a part of Lexa's life for as long as she could remember; a close friend of her mothers, her father had told her, and she'd remained with them to help raise Lexa while her father worked away. Both adults were aware of Lexa's situation at school but only her father had expressed worry over it, Indra noting it was nothing more than character building and a way to test Lexa.
The children weren't kind to the girl, though they were acutely aware of her fight and her power, which kept them at a distance. Lexa wasn't bullied continuously, those who had tried had felt the force of her wrath, but she wasn't exactly liked either. They were confused by how she worded her sentences, how her nose would wrinkle in distaste at the thought of 'playing games', and how she'd always choose a book over being social. They didn't understand her desire to be alone, to warm herself beneath the only tree in the school yard as she read, and they avoided her because of those differences.
"She's strong," Indra had said with a firm nod, her expression serious despite her tongue being coated in kindness. "She should be entrusted walk home alone."
And that had been that.
Music rang in her ears, buds connected to the present she had received on the morning of her birthday, and she let the notes ring over her as she walked. Her bag felt heavy on her shoulder, full of books and papers and belongings she was sure she'd need but never did. Be prepared for anything Alexandria, her father had told her. Be prepared to be shocked. A small grunt left her as she walked and she looked up from her feet, just for a moment, in time to see a large van outside of the house she'd known to be empty for years. The street they lived on called for a certain type of wealth, even Lexa knew that, and it seemed that nobody who had money had wanted to move there; not until today, it seemed.
Curiosity peaked, and shamefully Lexa let her emotions rule her, she stepped closer to inspect what was in front of her. The back of the van stood open, belongings and clothing on display to the world, and Lexa looked around to see if anyone was standing watch to ensure nothing was stolen. Strange, she thought. Another step and Lexa almost screamed in shock as a small hand wrapped around her forearm, fingers tightening slightly before Lexa ripped herself out of the grasp and pulled her earbuds out quickly.
"What are you doing?" She snapped at the young girl, a blonde with pink cheeks and wild hair that had Lexa perplexed. Her jaw was moving rhythmically and it took Lexa a few seconds to realise she was chewing gum, quite obnoxiously, as she stared at her.
Popping the candy between her teeth the girl shrugged, looking up at the van and then back at the girl in front of it. "You were looking at my stuff," she replied simply, her eyes narrowed softly in the bright Autumn sun. "I was making sure you weren't stealing it."
A gasp left Lexa at the claim of theft and she shook her head, shocked she was being accused of such and objectionable thing, and denied the claim. "Don't be ridiculous. I was curious, that's all."
The girl popped her gum again and Lexa restrained herself from telling her to stop it.
"Whatever," the blonde muttered, rubbing at her nose with the palm of her hand and bouncing on her toes for a few moments in the silence that followed. "We've just moved here. Me, my mom and my step-dad."
"From where?"
"New Jersey."
"I see," Lexa hummed, unsure what she was supposed to say to that now that it seemed the conversation was over.
Holding out a sticky hand, one that Lexa almost recoiled at, the blonde girl introduced herself with the nicest smile she had ever seen. Unused to the physical touch Lexa simply nodded after the girl offered, "Clarke. That's my name. You got one?"
"Alexandria."
"Alexandria," Clarke repeated with a nod before she clearly determined something in her mind and opened her mouth again. "Too long. I'm gonna call you Lex, it's easier to remember."
"But that's not my -"
From inside a call of Clarke's name broke them apart and the girl with the bluest eyes looked away, her attention on the large house behind them as a woman-possibly her mother Lexa determined-stood in the doorframe. "Come and help please. We still need to unpack the rest of the van."
Clarke nodded at her, shouted a quick "Alright mom!" and turned her attention back to Lexa. "Gotta go, Lex. Catch you soon or something."
"Alexandria."
"Gesundheit," Clarke chuckled, her muddied sneakers getting dirtier as she ran through the lawn back up to the house.
Lexa watched for a moment before shaking her head and quickly continued her way back home, following the path her father had painstakingly repeated to her the evening before, and tried to forget the strangest girl she had ever met.
2016.
Sitting up in bed, eyes wide and breathing heavy, Lexa looked around the dark room. Her hair fell softly over her left shoulder and her hand came up, playing with the ends like a foreign hand. Long ago it would have settled her, the easy touch and focus, but another hand would have done it and there would have been a steady heartbeat beneath her ear as she felt it.
Her heart still felt tight and she swung her feet from beneath the plush covers, her fur throw falling to the floor with a soft thump, and she padded towards the bathroom. She knew it'd only hurt her eyes to turn the light on and, instead, Lexa went straight to the sink to run cold water over her wrists. The dreams had been a regular occurrence but none had ever been so lifelike, none had been to the point that Lexa had felt eleven years old again and meeting Clarke for the first time. No dream had left her with a chill on her cheeks like the cold air of that November day had, like she had been there and had witnessed the first of a thousand smiles Clarke would give her.
"Enough," she told herself sternly, looking up at the dark shadow of herself in the mirror and she practically heard her fathers voice in her own words. "That's enough now, Alexandria."
NOTES:
This is my first The 100 fic and I'm still finding the voices for these characters which is why I've introduced them in an AU setting rather than writing straight from a canon plot. The dynamics of The 100 world will be incorporated though and hopefully you'll enjoy the journey I'm going to take these girls on. I can promise not all of the chapters will be as broken apart as this first one was, with time differences, but it was simply to put everything into a quick perspective. Let me know what you think!
Broken-Devil
