Growing Up:
It Happens Everyday
To say it wasn't clear to her when things had begun to change was a lie. She could with unerring accuracy identify the events that were the catalyst for all the changes that had come, but couldn't see, exactly, when certain changes had come about. In her feelings, the life she'd built… Herself.
Her feelings for the lone heir, what she once believed to be true and undying love – she could see now that it was the dreams of a young girl, infatuation bordering on obsession. But mostly, a desire to belong to someone who she thought needed her to save him. However, it wasn't love. Not really.
She used to see herself as others saw her: weak, poorly trained, and in constant need of protection from the others when danger arrived. That wasn't true anymore. She was amazingly strong, trained by the best and beginning to surpass them in ways. The most superb part was it was now others who needed protection from her, sought protection from her.
Face the girl she was once with the woman she was fast becoming and the contrast was striking. Now, she knew who she was, she knew her duties, and she knew what she wanted. Mostly…
Sometimes, the old doubts, the old fears, and the old reservations would come creeping out; and she'd have to wonder about her path. It had been fraught with hard work and heartbreak. It had taken the abandonment of the one she'd so desperately claimed to love, the near death of her friend – followed by his subsequent decision to leave to train with a stronger teacher – that had kicked her sorry excuse for a kunoichi butt into gear.
Her weakness had been a hindrance to her team, her friends, too many times. It had to change. She had to change. And over time, she had. From weakness came strength; from ignorance, ability. Her once soft and exposed heart became hidden behind a wall and encased in a shell; impenetrable to all but those who were already dear to her. And even they sometimes had trouble finding it. Those aware of her much improved abilities knew they never wanted to be the one on the receiving end.
She'd saved many lives, even the ones of former enemies. She'd fought seemingly unwinnable battles and won; nearly dying in the process, but still: a win is a win.
She'd even faced her former heart's flame, and while there was that residual, requisite tugging at her heart, it was for the boy he once was. Not the murderer he'd strived to become. Even more, she acknowledged that he could never come back, not as the person he was now. He needed to heal, but that was not her job. She couldn't fix him; she couldn't undo the damage inflicted on him by himself and others.
There was a time when she had believed her love, her devotion and her care would be all that was needed to heal him. A time she wanted to, needed to be the one to fix his troubles. However, her training had also allowed her to see that some wounds ran too deep, were too infected to be healed by others. Healing had to come from within, a desire to get better.
She understood and accepted that she couldn't rescue him now, couldn't be the one to save him… But, she could mourn for the little boy he was once. And she did.
A/N: This so did not come out the way I thought it would. I wanted something completely different but my pen had other ideas. I own nothing in regards of the characters or story, nor do I own anything relating to the song that started my thoughts down the path that led to here. This is just me inflicting undo angst on fictional characters that really don't deserve it.
