On the one thing, they always seemed to show up whenever the tedium of flying through space on a three-year journey was starting to catch up with the Starship Fuckerprise. There were only so man fights one could pick with an irritable nubby-horned bastard, so many comics to draw, so many tin can metropolises to build, so many bookish broads to irritate with highly questionable coffee. At a point it would always get to where one could snap, lose their ever-so-carefully maintained cool.
And then, like some sort of miracle, they would suddenly be in a technicolor wonderland full of shittons of weird shit, and not just the various dead freaks. Man, there was just something fucking magical about some of the bizarre places one could find in the realms of the dream bubbles.
That was exactly what Dave contemplated as he sat on the edge of a bright violet cliff like something out of a Doctor Seuss book, staring off into a pinkish-green sky and watching soft white clouds float from his mouth into the sky. He knew that it was a matter of...minutes, hours, maybe even seconds or days...until he was suddenly sitting on the top of the dull grey asteroid staring into the vast nothingness of inter-dimensional space again, but that was all the more reason to enjoy relaxing amongst the insanity.
Whatever those little flowers he picked were, they sure as hell were potent. They had looked like the familiar bud Bro occasionally grew in the closet, yeah, but he was practically melting into the ground with this. Not that he minded; it just made him calmer, more aware of the technicolor grass tickling his arms as a warm breeze blew, able to just sit and soak up the essence of this feverdream...
What it didn't do was allow him to hear the footsteps approaching him until a frowning form peered over his him.
"Who the fuck are you?" the four-horned troll asked. Aside from actually having full possession of his blood, teeth, and (dead) eyes, Sollux didn't look much different from the day the two of them met and Aradia spirited him away to make out for three years or whatever. Dave cracked the most imperceptible of grins.
"You're Doom-guy, right? The technogeek with the number fetish?"
That would imply I d fuck numberth.
From what I ve heard about you, I wouldn t doubt it.
Who the hell told you that?
Yo, just sit down, Dave said, patting the ground next to him. It s not a big deal. Totally Karkat.
That athhole, Sollux cursed, but he sat and smiled somewhat.
Royal douchebag indeed. All he does is moan about how he used to be the leader until me and Rose came around, glaring at us and shit.
Really, tho he gave up the thitty movieth?
Oh god, I wish. No, he makes us watch them too. And I thought John had bad taste.
Who?
Nevermind. Dave extended his hand upward. Dave Strider. But you can just call me Sir, he added, popping his hood.
Sollux Captor, Sollux replied, shaking his hand and kneeling down next to him. Fuck you.
"So you seriously died right before you got into the goddamn game. Good job, loser," Dave said after a bit of their idle chitchat, staring at the sky again. "Guess that means you didn't hook back up with the ram chick."
"The's dead anyway, what'th the point?"
"Well, until Muscles McGee brought her back or whatever. If they're still alive in your universe, or fuck if they have a dreambubble together, I'm sure they're probably the ones shagging through space now."
What the fuck are you trying to tell me, Sollux started defensively, brows furrowing and teeth bared. One eyebrow raised above Dave s glasses.
"Hey, don't bust a tit, dude." Dave casually handed the blunt over to the dead troll. "Calm down."
"What the fuck ith thith?"
Something to ease the pain of Sir Sweatsalot stealing your girlfriend. I d also make fun of you about the fact the finny freaks probably ran off together in your universe too, what with how we got to see their godtiers together a few days ago, but if you re dead I guess you never made out with the fish chick.
Wait, me and Fef-
Just smoke the thing, Dave said, wiggling it in front of Sollux s face. The troll snatched it in annoyance. He examined it, forehead still lined with annoyance and confusion.
What am I even thuppothed to do with thith? he asked.
Put your mouth on it, and inhale. Dave couldn t believe he was having to explain something so damned simple.
You want me to breath in fire? No thankth.
It s harmless as fuck, except for the carcinogens. Just think of them as crabs.
What?
Nevermind. Dave snatched the joint back, shaking his head. Ok, look. I ll show you. He took a long, slow drag, held his breath for a few moments and then, with a small eyebrow wiggle, blew the smoke directly into Sollux s mouth, which appeared to be hanging open in mild horror. The troll coughed, glaring at the joint like it was the root of all evil.
Kahhkhkah...No fucking way am I smoking that thing, he choked out.
Want to do this the hard way, huh? Dave said, taking another drag. Leaning in close, so that their lips nearly touched, he let the smoke slip past his mouth and slowly into Sollux s. This wouldn t be his first mildly-inebriated game of gay chicken.
He expected the troll to shove him away, snap angrily, maybe attempt to storm off or stub out the joint. What he wasn t expecting was the alien s eyes starting to dull and darken slowly, looking more relaxed and yet somehow slightly predatory.
He wasn t moving. Simply...staring. With those blank eyes.
Dave started to feel uneasy. He sat up, scooting slightly away from the troll.
Shit, you aren t the homicidal one in your universe, are you? I may be immortal and shit, but I don t feel like getting murdered today...ok wow that s ok, Dave found himself saying as the now grey-eyed troll crawled into his lap. So you re one of those types.
What the hell ith thith anyway, Sollux purred (Purred? Why the fuck is he purring?) into Dave s ear. It feelth pretty amathing.
It s you re fucking dream, Dave quipped, puzzling slightly over how alright he was with having a dead boy of another species in his lap. Pressing against him.
Rutting against him.
Right, ok, I guess you win, Dave said, pushing at Sollux before the troll could feel the bulge growing in his jeans. Gay chicken had just gotten a little bit too gay. Sollux didn t seem to like the idea though, grabbing Dave s wrist and bringing the joint back to Dave s mouth.
Do it again.
Dave shrugged, inhaling long and slow, and somehow managing to exhale without choking when Sollux caught his mouth in a kiss. Sharp teeth nicked his lips, to which he responded by biting the forked tongue darting inside his mouth.
Fuck chicken.
Damn, you aliens move fast.
Latht time I checked, you re the alien, and a bit thlow. Sollux smirked, grey eyes heavily lidded, faint blue and red light appearing to glow somewhere deep within them.
Fine, corpseface.
What a great inthult, Sollux said, eyeroll inferred by his tone, before he grazed his teeth over Dave s neck.
Yeah, whatever. Maybe not my A-game, but you re not worth it. Dave hissed; damn, that felt more arousing than he d like to admit. He found himself wondering what it was that got the troll in such a state-maybe weed and trolls didn t mix too well? Then again, his crotch wasn t complaining at the hands that were all over him after just a couple puffs. He opened his mouth to snark at him about it, but snapped his jaws closed when Sollux started to suck at his collarbone. Damn.
Dave s hands instantly went to his fly, desperately undoing the button and zip. It was probably rushing things, but teenage boys are apt to rush, and Dave was no different, wiggling his hips out of trousers as fast as he could. A grey finger circled the head of Dave s cock, making it twitch.
Tho you have thome interethting anatomy differentheth, Sollux said, attempting to sound scientific as he leaned his head against Dave s shoulder, horns poking his flesh slightly. I thuppothe thith might be different than I thought...
What, are you trying to say there s a problem with my junk? Dave asked, any hurt he may have felt at such an inference not shining through.
No, you re jutht part of a bizarre alien rathe with one tentacle.
Just because you re jealous your man-meat can t compare...
My wh-no, let me just... Sollux started to fiddle with his belt, and Dave could only rejoice internally in how well this was going. Random herb equals crazy alien teenage debauchery, who would have known...
Woah, you ve got some freaky shit going on down there, Dave said in awe when Sollux pulled down his reached forward cautiously to grab Sollux s hips, looking at the bizarre sight coming from his fly. A central thick, dripping tentacle pushed it s way into Dave s hand and, as Dave s eyes widened, a small cluster of tendrils started to dart about as if desperate for contact. Sollux gave something of a dissatisfied grunt, then dug his claws into Dave s hips to drag him in close. The tendrils wrapped around Dave s cock, rubbing it slowly.
Really, you think they re freaky, Sollux said deadpan, watching Dave start to flush slightly, unable to see through the boy s sunglasses to see how he stared in surprise at their movement.
Freaky can, um, be a good thing, Dave said, his cool facade starting to slip. Damn, it did that far too much ever since he met all those freaks offline, and this wasn t helping at all. It was harder to think than he ever thought it would be with all the blood rushing to his crotch, after all. He didn t even know how the hell he was able to find fucking tentacles sexy, but he couldn t help but stare lustfully between their legs. He rocked his hips, amused when Sollux s face contorted and he cursed under his breath. Obviously those things were more than just stimulating; they were sensitive.
Dave thrust in an awkward, inexperienced manner, uncapable of really managing any sort of rythym. The troll didn t seem to mind though, as every time he moved the tendils pulsed on his flesh, writhing against his skin. Nuzzling, stroking, encouraging...
Dave was the first to come, if only by seconds. His loud Fuck! accented the white splatter across Sollux s torso, his fingernails digging into his hips. The troll hissed, a tendril or two stroking along the side of the central tentacle as well as Dave s cock, before a stream of thick, gold-tinted cum poured from a slit at the tentacle s head.
The two of them collapsed together back onto the ground, panting hard and pressing close together. Neither could be bothered to move and attempt to wipe away the any of the mix of cum off their bodies or straighten their clothing; it seemed dramatically unnecessary. Several minutes passed before any sound other than ragged breathing emerged from either of them.
That wath...abtholutely worth that horrible thmoke, Sollux muttered into Dave s chest. The blonde couldn t help but smile slightly to himself.
There was a sort of crackle in the air, and the hillside seemed to skew for a second, a warped bit of tape in the cassette that was reality. Dave frowned; they were about to leave the dreambubble, and with it all of...this would end.
He didn t bother telling the troll that, leaving his arm wrapped around the dead guy until he faded out of reality. Dave found himself staring at the blackness of space again, lying on cold metal, barely buzzed and shivering at the sudden lack of warmth.
Ah, whatever, he thought to himself, stretching out. Just have to wait for another goddamn dream.
