A/N This was my first attempt at writing a fanfic that I started writing this last summer after the New York episode aired in season 2. I never posted it and then season 3 took place, so I've revamped it to incorporate things that happened since New York. It turned out more sappy than originally planned, so yea are warned. ST. Berry future fic, with a side serving of Hummelberry
The Heart Wants What It Wants
Prologue
For the majority of his life, Jesse had been unfamiliar with the concept of losing. It wasn't an acceptable part of his vocabulary. Yet here he was, sitting in some nondescript, noisy bar in Chicago, staring into the bottom of an empty glass and feeling like a total loser. He had failed at college; he'd failed as a show choir consultant and now he'd failed as a show choir director. His self-confidence was at an all-time low. But for him his biggest and most painful failure was losing Rachel to Finn Hudson.
Jesse knew he would have been able to accept losing her to her quest for stardom and fame, but losing Rachel to Finn Hudson? Hudson was of mediocre talent and intelligence, (and Jesse felt that was being generous in this estimation), why couldn't Rachel see that? She was fixated on someone who was completely unworthy of her.
Jesse motioned to the bartender for another drink and continued trying to make sense of it all. He concluded that Rachel had been obsessed by Finn Hudson before Jesse had even met her. She'd idealized Finn into the role of her leading man and seemed unable to see the truth, that Finn was actually a millstone around her neck. But it was the fact that Hudson really didn't understand Rachel, and was incapable of cherishing her and her dreams as she deserved, that frustrated and angered Jesse the most.
What kind of boyfriend doesn't help the one he loves achieve her dreams; doesn't help her choose and practice several audition pieces months and months in advance? And what kind of supportive boyfriend allows his girl to apply to just one college? Rachel had obviously focused so much on her relationship and impending nuptials to Hudson that she'd been unprepared for her NYADA audition. Hudson had let, maybe even encouraged, Rachel to lose her focus on her lifetime dream, and that had made Jesse determined to try and rectify the situation.
So today, at Nationals, he had sought out Rachel and even managed to be civil to Hudson (though it had nearly killed him to do so). He just hoped the few minutes he'd spoken with Rachel alone had fired up her competitive instinct again. She had certainly glowed like a star on stage tonight. Then he'd spoken to Carmen Tibideaux to see if she would reconsider giving Rachel a second chance for a placement at NYADA. But now there nothing more he could do. He just had to have faith that Rachel would still be able to achieve her dreams of starring on Broadway even after marrying Finnbecile.
Thinking about Rachel and Finn's impending marriage only increased the pain he was feeling. Rachel had been the only person Jesse had ever really felt connected to since his grandmother had died. And he hadn't realized just how deeply he'd fallen in love with Rachel until it was too late. It struck him now just how alone he truly was. His parents didn't really care, his siblings hated him, and friendships had been discouraged in Vocal Adrenaline because it diluted the competitive dog eat dog mentality Shelby cultivated. The only other person that he'd been somewhat close to was Shelby, and he was still too angry with her for the whole college and Rachel mess. Shelby had let both him and Rachel down badly.
The one thing Jesse knew for a certainty was that he couldn't bear to see Rachel become Mrs. Rachel Hudson. He didn't want to even be in the same State in case their paths crossed and New York was now out of the question because he'd only end up visualizing Rachel in nearly every Broadway production or on every street he walked.
Jesse gulped down the rest of his drink and stood up. With his bad luck lately he'd no doubt get arrested for being a minor if he stayed any longer. He pulled on his jacket and as he headed for the door Jesse decided it was time for a major change in the life of Jesse St. James. Carmen's words to him had boosted his confidence a little and had rekindled his desire to go back to performing. The stage and singing was now the only love he could pursue. As he made his way back to his hotel an idea slowly began to take shape in his mind.
