Katsu's Sano

by Kawaii Dragoness

Notes: Apparently there used to be a "My Character" thing going around LJ in which people described their version of various characters. A spinoff of this is at http://www.ratandfox.net, known as "Joey loves Yugi" (it's a great, adorable, and slightly hentai shounen-ai fic! Go read it, even if you don't like the fandom!), which I read over and over again while writing "The Best Presents" (for Firedancer's "Fucked In the Head" contest). So as I read this adorable fic over and over again, I decided to go ahead and do my own spinoff: a "My Sano", but done from Katsu's POV. And since I love torturing Katsu, it's still (somehow) Sano/Ken. I screwed with the end of Kyoto Arc, just cuz I wanted to.

Disclaimer: If RK was mine, this wouldn't be a fanfic, darlings. And I get way too much of my inspiration from Yu-Gi-Oh shounen-ai ficlets. ^^;;;; Guilty pleasure, what can I say?

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My Sano, the ex-Sekihoutai, never abandoned the cause of our group, not even after Sagara-taichou died. He never became a fighter-for-hire, he was never Zanza. He was just laying low for a while, until he could find me again. But he did learn how to use a zanbatou--and he does look sexy with it, sexy enough to seduce any girl he wanted (and hey, even a guy if he really wanted to).

(Did I just think of Sano as sexy? Yes, I did; because he is.)

My Sano did break his zanbatou when fighting against the former Battousai, because no matter how strong and good-looking my Sano is, the Battousai's still a better fighter. But he was never fully on Kenshin's cause, even if he occasionally fought on Kenshin's side. He was never fully convinced, even though he ran after him to Kyoto later on. He never ever ever ever fell in love with Kenshin.

(Did I just think of Sano as good-looking? Yes, I did; because he is.)

Because that would mean that my Sano did not love me. It would mean that he would do anything for Kenshin, even die for him, but not me. That he would be willing to sacrifice everything for him, but not me. That he wants to hold Kenshin close to his chest--that broad, muscled chest--and watch the river and the sakura flowers and all those beautiful things; and that I would not be there, I would not be a part of it, because he'd want to be alone with Kenshin.

My Sano just *can't* love Kenshin. Because my Sano loves me just as much as I love him.

(Did I just admit to myself that I love Sano? Yes I did; because I do.)

My Sano stays up late at night with me at my place, drinking sake and telling stories. My Sano never wanted to go to Kyoto to leave me here, so the only thing that'll even remotely keep me close to him are a bunch of little bombs I made for him, and his ever-present headband.

My Sano went to Kyoto because he felt he had to, not because he wanted to. Because he just disliked Shishio, and wanted to beat up Saitou in the process. Not because he wanted to defend Kenshin's back. Not because he loves Kenshin, and wants to be there for him when he's hurt. Not because he had to prove to Kenshin that he was useful.

My Sano did not confess his love to Kenshin on the way homeward. My Sano did not make love to Kenshin in the moonlight on their way home. He did not end up having Kenshin move into his house and attempting to live happily ever after.

Because my Sano loves me, and doesn't love Kenshin. My Sano is everything to me. I am everything to my Sano, and we are happy together; not him and Kenshin.

But unfortunately, my Sano is not the true Sano, and we don't have our happily ever after. He does, but not with me. My Sano would make me happier than anything. But it is not the real Sano. The real Sano loves me, but he doesn't love me the way I love him. The real Sano loves Kenshin, and Kenshin loves him back.

I sit here up in a sakura tree, by the river, looking at a picture I made the night before. Sano and I are back to back. To the viewer's left is Sano, holding his zanbatou in his right hand, his other hand down by his side, holding mine. I am on the other side, holding one of my bombs with my left hand, and Sano's hand with my right.

I look down, past the picture, and Sano is sitting against another tree, looking downwards slightly, legs gently apart. Kenshin fills the space, leaning back onto that strong chest, looking up into beautiful dark eyes, a sakura petal balancing on his nose.

Back and forth...fantasy and reality...my Sano...the true Sano...my gentle dreams and the harshest reality...

I look up to the sun, then look at nothing at all, my head thrown back, watering the tree with pained tears.

~Fin~