Disclaimer: I don't own the newsies. If I did, the movie would probably be rated PG-13 or higher.

Author's Note: Shut up about the categorizing. So I'm a little bit OCD. Hush. Enjoy and PLEASE comment!

Chapter One—JACK

DAVEY:

I stole your toenail clippers. And I found your flavored condoms and poked a hole in every grape one.

KID BLINK:

It was I who stole your best eyepatch, not Mush.

MUSH:

I spat on your waffle in third grade. I know where your shampoo is. I just prefer the smell of Blink's, so I keep yours hidden so you'll use his. Plus I framed you when I stole Blink's best eyepatch.

SKITTERY:

I used your toothbrush to clean my shower once. And remember when I said it wasn't my fault I ruined your last pair of socks? It was. I spilled Hawaiian Punch on them. It wasn't blood from an alien abduction at all.

RACETRACK:

The porn you got busted for was mine.

SPOT:

I had a wet dream about you last night. And the Fall Out Boy on your iPod? I put it there.

LES:
I actually hate you, but I put up with you to get to David.

BOOTS:

I videotaped you drunkenly fooling around with Crutchy at the Christmas party last year and sold it to Weasel for $572 dollars.

CRUTCHY:

Your crutch has a hole in it that I like to try to shoot loads into when I jack off.

SPECS:

I hacked into your Runescape account to cyber with your online girlfriend three years ago. That's the real reason she dumped you.

DUTCHY:

Your Playboy magazines disappear to under my bed after two months. It's not Specs' fault. I'm using them to prove I'm not gay. Oh, yeah, and I steal your deoderant sometims if I can't find mine.

SNODDY:

I filled your nose spray with diluted pepper spray once when I was bored.

SNIPESHOOTER:

I lied—that shirt makes you look fat.

JAKE:

I secretly switch your underwear with Swifty's when you're in the shower after gym class sometimes.

SWIFTY:

I borrowed your jockstrap last weekend for my soccer game cos David's a dickhead and stole mine.

PIE EATER:

I think your name is stupid.

BUMLETS:

I think you and Spot should do a dance to Santa Fe from that one musical Newsies in white tutus on that one show So You Think You Can Dance.