"Once we are married, we will be joined like the river is to the sky, like a tree to its fellow woodland creatures, like a blushing mother is to her young—"
"Shut it, Mulan! You're going metaphor crazy like your father!" Albus Severus shouted to his dumbass wife. Mulan would have preferred to be Ling's wife, but he was too good for her. Ling was a man worthy of Draco Malfoyee. Albus would have preferred to be married to a dude, but after he was visited China, a long haired man named Shang paid him three million dollars to get his cross-dressing girlfriend off his hands. Alby Sev could not refuse such an offer.
"I wanna be like other girls!" Mulan yelled at Alby Sev.
"Yeah? Well I don't want to date girls!" Alby Sev shot back.
"I'll make a man outta you!" She said confidently.
"Yeah right, why don't you look in the mirror and look at your reflection staring back at you!"
Mulan burst into tears. He hated it when people cried, which was very hypocritical of him because he was the whiniest person in the world. But honestly, he would rather date a thestral than be married to Mulan.
"I'm leaving!" Alby Sev said, storming out the door. He decided that he would go to his god-brother Teddy's house, to hang out for a while. When he apparated there, he saw Teddy, Victoire, Tawny and Neo all staring at a man in shabby robes.
"What's going on?" Alby Sev asked. They all turned to look at him.
"Apparently, my father faked his death and has been alive."
"After all this time?" Alby Sev questioned.
"Always." said Remus Lupin ashamedly. Alby Sev noticed that his jaw was jumping; no doubt due to how much he missed his wife Nymphadora. "Indeed, I, Remus John Lupin, am not dead. I faked my death, along with Ted Tonks, so that we could be together without our nagging wives, but alas, he left me for Victoire Weasley."
Alby Sev's heart went out to him, he could understand wanting to get away from a nagging wife. There was something about Lupin that he really liked. He wasn't sure if it was because he was poor, old or dangerous; maybe he liked all those things. He had heard stories from Grandromeda about how Lupin liked to beat up orphans and something about that was hot. Alby Sev wanted to sex up Lupin so badly. His mustache was so sexy. He just wanted to go back to the cardboard box that Lupin no doubt lived in and accio his clothes off. Alby Sev walked up to his Remy Bear and said "You are hot! Wanna have sex in your cardboard box?"
Lupin smiled, "Now, that's the best welcome I've gotten yet. I would love to, although I would never love you as much as I loved Sirius."
