A/n: and so we have our Intrepid hero pondering all the great mysteries of the universe.

Moments in Time

Joe Hardy was pretty sure he was dead. He wasn't particularly surprised at this realization since the last thing he remembered was shoving his brother out of the path of the gun that glinted in the hands of some random street thug, followed immediately by three distinct pains on his person. (Damn. I really liked that shirt too. With my luck Mom will put me in that gawdawful suit for the funeral.) Hindsight being 20/20 he realized that he probably should have just tackled his elder brother and hit the ground with him and avoided being shot in the first place.

"Oops. My Bad." he chuckled. He supposed he should be grieving, or at least being all regretful and stuff at lost opportunities yada yada yada, but he just couldn't work up the energy just now. Instead he gazed out over the horizon. Again, he wasn't surprised at finding himself here, on the cliffs above Barmet Bay. He had always loved the sound the waves made crashing against the rocks below; at once both angry and soothing, he came here often when he needed a place to just think. Joe chuckled again , thinking of the one time Frank had followed him up here to his 'Thinking Spot'. ( Poor guy was terrified I'd do something insane like jump over the edge. ) But how could he think about something so drastic when he had something important to do? Iola had to be avenged. It was simple, he could never have rested until her murderer was brought to justice. He may have been foolhardy( FoolHARDY..get it..heheheh oh I crack myself up. Frank was always groaning at my puns) at times, and reckless once or twice (oh all right. Three times. But the time I went diving into that river after that kid doesn't count. ) but he was never ever suicidal or completely oblivious of the ramifications of any action he was taking.

His father raised him better than that. Joe did some reflecting on his relationship with his father over the years. If opposites attract, then it was no wonder he and his father were often at odds. They were far too much alike. Fenton was better at controlling the temper, and was slightly less pigheaded, but Joe figured that was just old age. He supposed that if he had made it to middle age he would have eventually settled down too. There had been a lot of arguments in their day. Some of them were over silly stuff, like keeping his room clean. Others were more interesting, like how the best way to handle a case was. And then there was The Big One. Joe sighed. Okay, now he could start regretting.

Everything had started pretty normally. Just your standard everyday case. Break up a chop shop that recently formed in Bayport. He had been particularly gung ho about the case as some pretty awesome sports cars were being desecrated for their parts as the individual pieces could often fetch a higher price than selling the car itself. He would have had to turn in his man card if he allowed that sweet Porsche to be hacked to bits. So yeah, he jumped through the open window. And yeah he failed to do anything vaguely resembling proper investigation like actually checking to see if the guy with the blow torch was alone. As it turned out, not only was he not alone but his buddy was a freakin' giant. Just slightly out of his league. And when it was over, Frank, who had rushed to his brother's aid, was in the hospital with 6 broken ribs, a concussion and one hell of a black eye. (and I walked away with some sore knuckles). Fenton seldom lost his temper in the presence of his children or wife. But that day he did and it felt like the Wrath of God was descending. First came the "You are so damn reckless. Why don't you think?" followed by the "You could have been killed." That was met with the cheeky response: "But I wasn't, was I?" Joe swore he saw the last thread of his father's patience with him snap at that response. The following hour was spent with the two of them rising their voices at each other until they were both shouting at full volume. While they never came close to blows, there were several casualties in Fenton's office that day, including Fenton's favorite coffee mug, the one that said 'World's Greatest Dad' in cheesy script.

It all boiled down to Fenton accusing Joe of failing to exercise good judgment. At one point he started comparing Joe with his elder brother, something he had never done before. Frank was responsible and studied for his exams a week before, not the night before. Frank was methodical and never acted before he thought. And Frank NEVER put Joe's life in danger. When the words "Why can't you be more like your brother?" came snarling out of his father's mouth Joe's own final thread snapped. "Because you are always telling me I am just like YOU" he seethed. He remembered with crystal clarity turning his back very deliberately on his father and walking away.

He remembered running out the door, pushing past his mother without so much as a word and taking off for, well.. here. He had spent hours here that day even as it began to rain. He had gone over every word of their argument, but he finally focused on one thing in particular. "Frank is always having to rescue you from yourself! When are you going to learn that he has better things to do? Did you know he has a full scholarship to NYU? But he won't take it because he thinks you need him!"

As his anger was cooled by the falling rain he was forced to admit just exactly how accurate that was. With dawning understanding he finally acknowledged the fact that no matter what, Big Brother Frank was bailing him out. He did so out of love, and Joe readily admitted if the situation were reversed he would have done no different. But that didn't alter the fact that he had been holding his genius brother back. He realized that something had to give. And he was also painfully aware, thanks to having the point hammered home in very direct terms by his father just hours before that he was gonna have to be the one to make the first move. Knowing Frank as well as he did he would continue to put his own needs secondary to Joe's. A fact that made Joe all warm and fuzzy inside. And also guilty as hell.

They were supposed to be partners. Equal partners. That meant more than just watching each other's backs. It meant not putting yourself in situations where your back needed watching in the first place. Joe continued to reminisce about that day and the ones immediately following. He had gone home as the sun set, seeking out his mother's advice on what to do next. All she said though, was "Frank loves you and will never begrudge one thing that he does for you." Joe supposed she was trying to make him feel better, but all it did was confirm his fears that Dad was right, that he was holding Frank back from his full potential. Since he had always idolized his brother and was very proud of all his accomplishments, even the silly geeky ones like Science Fair prizes, this came as a very harsh reality check.

He had avoided his brother for weeks afterward and even stopped hanging out with their friends as much , preferring instead to spend most of his time here at the cliffs contemplating what to do next. It was a fluke, really, that he had stopped one sunny afternoon in front of the recruiting office to tie a stray shoelace. As he straightened, he took ten seconds to actually look at and register in his brain the many recruiting posters plastered to the window. All it took was his infamous impulsiveness and he was inside the door. He was greeted by a Petty Officer First Class in the US Navy who smiled at him and asked if he had any questions. The pieces just seemed to fall into place after that. As he made a few idle inquiries, he realized that maybe this was exactly the perfect solution. He knew he wasn't yet self disciplined enough to make a go of life all alone without a safety net but he was also very much cognizant of the fact that his safety net could no longer be named Frank Hardy.

He told no one of his plans other than his mother. Since he was already 18 he did not need permission from his parents. As soon as he graduated, he could ship out to Great Lakes. Laura was very quiet for a long while after he told her. Eventually, she smiled softly and told him he was an adult and needed to do what was best for himself.

Then one day, it was time to leave. Fenton was out of town so it was easy to avoid the goodbyes there. Frank was harder. He had begun pestering Joe about all the secrets he had been keeping and was growing increasingly frustrated at the lack of answers. But Joe knew that if he had mentioned one word Frank would have started trying to talk him out of it. And Frank being very persuasive, Joe was afraid he'd cave. So instead he just made very sure he was unavailable for interrogation. As he sat there leaning against the largest rock, Joe sighed. One more regret from his life. It made no difference that the boys had 'made up' when Joe had flown home. He still felt bad about abandoning his brother with no explanation, even if by doing so he ensured that Frank would graduate with honors because he wasn't distracted by Joe induced babysitting duties.

Once he glommed on to the negatives in his life, it was hard to stop. The day he left the backyard gate open and the dog ran away. The day he ran away over some minor punishment that had been handed down and he ended up lost and then kidnapped. Losing the football championship when he was a Freshman at Bayport High. The day Iola was killed. The day he failed to bring her murderer to justice. The day he and Vanessa called it quits. The argument with his father. The sadness of his mother after he left. The hurt in his brother's eyes when he came back. The whole getting shot thing. That really sucked, now that he thought about it.

But he couldn't deny there were far more high points. Moving to Bayport and getting a dog. Long summers spent at Chet's farm trying vainly to ignore a certain dark haired bossy tomboy. Frank taking the blame for that baseball through Dad's study window so he could go on his first date with that same tomboy. Pizza. Lots of pizza. Falling in love. Falling in love a second time with Vanessa. All those dastardly criminals brought to justice. Serving his country. Making up with his father and brother. Getting a degree. Joining the family business officially. Dieing to save his brother.

"You aren't dead you idiot."