"When you are the only woman in an organization like Akatsuki you have to bear in mind that every, yes every, single male member of said organization will try to hook up with you.

And you have to know that everyone of said male members is a bloodthirsty or paranoid freak.

You do have to admit that no woman in the whole wide world would go out with that bunch of idiots!" Konan stated and eagerly watched Pain mulling over her words.

"You have something in mind?" he asked lazily.

"Unfortunately, yes I do have something in mind", she replied.

"I wonder what that might be, my precious Konan. But go ahead, I won't intervene, promise."

"Thanks" she replied and motioned to leave.

"Konan?"

"Yes, leader – sama?"

"Make sure that I'm not caught in the fire line, will you?"

"I'll try, but I won't guarantee that", she whispered and vanished by falling apart into a million paper shreds.

The next morning Pain knew he was not only in the fire line, he was under fire right away…

At the door that led to the dining room a bill was posted, reading:

"You think you have everything I look for in a man? Than write a love letter to woo me, but don't write it to me, write it to one of your fellow Akatsuki members. Seal the letter and throw it into the cookie jar I've set up on my desk in my room. I will read the letters and date the one whose writing was most convincing.

Love, Konan

All Akatsuki members stood in front of the poster and glared at the lines.

Finally Hidan spoke up: "Bullshit, what does that bitch think she's doing?"

"Apparently she tells us she'll date the one that's most appealing to her by using a fine language" Sasori muttered.

"Tobi is a good boy, Tobi will write the loveliest letter of all time to the lovely precious Konan!"

"Shut up you orange retard!", Hidan yelled, "Everyone here knows that I will woo and fuck the bitch!"

"I don't think you'll get her that way…", Sasori threw in.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"Just saying I think she goes for the polite guys…" Sasori answered.

"You mean the lifeless, stick – up – your- -arse type of guys, puppetface?" Hidan challenged him.

Sasori huffed.

"Now, I think this is what she wants…" Itachi murmured.

"Un, what do you mean, un?" Deidara asked.

"She wants us to fight. Like the knight fights for the princess!" Kisame concluded and Itachi and Kakuzu nodded in mutual agreement.

"Ah well, if that's the case, I think we all should play along!" Pain decided, glaring at Sasori and Hidan who stopped their constant bickering at once.

"Everyone will write a letter, I don't care how long it is, and throw it in the damn cookie jar! The deadline is tonight at 8 p.m. Make sure to give your best, the price for the best letter is an all inclusive date with Konan."

"You mean the organization will pay for that?"Kakuzu asked horrified.

"Yes, like I said before it's ALL INCLUSIVE!" Pain yelled, secretly cursing Konan for putting him in the same position like the other dumbasses.

He wondered if she was still angry that he had peeped at her while getting undressed on their last mission…

Konan had watched the scenario from a safe distance. Now she congratulated herself for that smart plan. She strolled back into her room to put the pink and red dotted cookie jar onto her desk, after that she went out for a long and relaxing day in the spa. Later that evening she would have a damn good time reading all those love notes…