Yami Ryo: This was a dream I had that I have been convinced to share with you all. I'm so sorry. Akuoni did my summary for me so be sure to thank her!

Dedication: akuoni! A most awesome friend and brilliant catalyst!

Summary: The sixties was a time of change and free love and British invasion. It was a time of the red scare. And it was the time Matthew and Alfred confessed their love. Fifty years later... That love is unraveling and no one ever saw it coming.

Warning: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE! SEXUAL ABUSE! SUICIDE! IMPERMANENT CHARACTER DEATH! Vomiting, yaoi. AND YANDERE!CANADA!

Pairings: Starts with CanAme! Ends in...(sighs)

Chapter One: The One That is Lost

America stood in the kitchen watching the stove without really seeing it. He stared blankly as he went through the motions of preparing dinner for his lover. He was making pancakes and trying not to think of anything. He just stood hoping that his lover would not want to touch him, though it was a pointless hope; Canada always wanted to touch him. He swallowed thickly trying not to cry again and flipped the pancake over so it would not overcook. He heard the door open and his hands began to shake a little.

"Smells good," Canada's voice drifted into the kitchen and America felt his heart lift a little. Canada walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around America's waist as he put his head on America's shoulder to watch him make pancakes, he grew nervous with Canada watching and bit his lip. "Well, look at that. You finally learned to do something right. It only took you fifty years to learn to make a decent pancake. Too bad you're useless for anything else." And just like that his heart plummeted like stone.

"I'm sorry." America's voice trembled with tears as he spoke. Canada breathed in his scent and began kissing his neck.

"You could make it up to me." Canada told him huskily. A few tears fell from America's eyes.

"I don't want to. Please Mattie don't." America pleaded not wanting to go through that again. Canada frowned at America.

"Why not? You owe me Alfred. You know I'm the only one that will ever love you!" Canada snapped angrily. America choked back a sob. "You're stupid, ugly, and completely useless. Nothing about you is remotely likable! Even though it's a huge burden I love you anyway so you better get your stupid fat ass upstairs and naked in my bed or so help me I will leave you!" America burst into tears and Canada smirked to himself as America covered his face sobbing. "What the hell are you crying for you useless piece of shit? I'm the one that should be crying! I just want to fuck you and you're acting like a drama queen again. This is one of the reasons no one else is ever going to love you. You're a crybaby and you never do anything right. Even though you're disgusting and annoying I love you so the least you can do is get your dumb ass upstairs and let me fuck you." America cried harder and nodded just like Canada knew he would. Canada moved aside and let America stumble passed him toward their bedroom.

Canada took great pleasure in America's miserable sobbing and shut off the stove quickly eating the pancake that was left in the pan. Canada smirked to himself believing he had done a good job after all he got a good dinner and he was going to get laid. He took his time following after America knowing that his lover would still be crying and taking a while to undress himself. He strolled into the room and just like he predicted America was in their bed crying and tugging at his clothes though in reluctant motions as though hoping he would not really have to remove them. Canada walked into the room and over to the bed and grabbed America's shirt.

"Since you obviously can't even take off your clothes properly I'll help you." Canada told him condescendingly. America looked away from him his whole body trembling as he cried. Slowly Canada peeled America's clothes from his body making sure to enjoy his beautiful flesh as he did, kissing every inch that was revealed and touching every part of him. "There we go. You're not much but you're mine. No one else will ever touch you like I do. No one else will ever love you like I do, you know that right?" Canada demanded pushing America's naked body down to lay flat on the bed. America nodded continuing to cry and refusing to look at Canada.

"I know." America replied his voice choked and trembling as much as his body. Canada smirked against America's skin licking, kissing, and biting as he went marking America as his and touching him everywhere. Canada continued thoroughly enjoying America's body and America felt sicker and sicker as Canada used him. He felt disgusting and filthy everywhere that Canada touched and marked. When Canada finally entered him he had to fight the urge to vomit. Canada was not kind with him and took his pleasure from his body and when he was done he pulled out and lay beside America to sleep. America got up and hobbled to the bathroom.

America collapsed next to the toilet emptying his stomach and sobbing. When there was nothing left in his stomach and only dry heaves left him he crawled to the shower and turned the water to the hottest setting scalding his skin badly as he scrubbed himself raw trying to wash Canada from his body. He stayed in the tub scrubbing until he bled, until the water turned icy and chilled him to the core. He turned the water off and sat in the tub for a long time before getting dressed and going to sleep on the couch, he could not bare the thought of Canada touching him right then.

America paused in front of the couch before sneaking off to the kitchen and crouching down to dig into the back of the cabinet under the sink. He pushed aside the cleaning products and empty trash bag box and found a large unmarked pill bottle. He pulled out the bottle and looked at it with shaky hands.

"Just a few so I can sleep..." He whispered to himself opening the bottle and pouring four pill capsules into his hand. He swallowed them all at once replaced the cap and put the bottle back moving everything back to hide it. He quickly walked over to the couch and curled into a ball falling asleep almost instantly.


By the time America woke up again it was midday and Canada was at work again. America was thankful to the pills because he knew Canada must have tried to wake him up for sex again when he noticed that he was not wearing his sleep pants or boxers. He sat on the couch and cried hard for a while.

"I don't...I can't do this...Not anymore...It's been fifty years of this...I can't anymore..." America sobbed into the empty air. He picked himself up and went back to the kitchen. He dug into the cabinet again and grabbed his pill bottle. He shook it and breathed a relief at the satisfying sound of a bottle nearly full. He did not bother to close the cabinet stumbling his way to the bathroom. Once inside he put the bottle on the counter and turned the shower on scalding hot. He began his cleansing ritual again but this time as the water chilled him he changed it to the bath faucet. He plugged the drain and stepped out of the tub and up to the bathroom sink.

America stood there for a few minutes watching his miserable reflection before opening the mirror cabinet and taking Canada's strait razor from inside. It was an old fashioned one made of pure silver. He opened it admiring the shining blade for a moment before picking up the bottle and returning to the filling tub. Once the tub was full he stopped the water and got back in to the icy bath. He smiled at the blade in one hand and the pill bottle in the other and set the bottle down on the rim of the tub.

"I'll just go to sleep...I won't wake up this time...I can't wake up this time..." America breathed solemnly. He brought the blade to the middle of his inner wrist on his left arm and pressed down hard slicing down his arm all the way to his inner elbow. He sliced through flesh, veins, capillaries, and muscle ignoring the pain it caused and the blood that poured. He switched the blade to his other hand and made an identical cut on his right arm.

America's arms trembled with effort as he grabbed his pill bottle opened it and began swallowing his pills four at a time. He continued to swallow until more than half the bottle was gone and he began to feel numb no longer able to move. He tried to put the bottle back on the rim of the tub only for it to fall over the edge what was left of the contents scattering across the tile floor. It no longer mattered to him because he could feel himself falling asleep and smiled with trembling lips. A floating feeling of freedom filled him for just a brief moment before he was lost to oblivion and slipped beneath the crimson waters of the tub. He could not even feel himself drown.

TBC...

Yami Ryo: Okay after reading this keep in mind that he is a NATION. I want you all to remember that verbal abuse is still abuse! It is not to be taken lightly!