Truth or dare with Eragon

Chapter one: burning the waiter

This chapter is rated T

An slightly drunk Eragon chuckled as he Saphira plunged her head into a barrel of mead.

" Calm down Saphira! That's your fourth drink this night! your doing to drink Uru'Baen dry If you keep this up!"

No I won't... the pointy ear queen gave me a unlimited supply of mead... and if I run out I will talk to the queen about the definition of the word "unlimited"...

" Very well Saphira." Eragon sighed, " I just wish I had something to do... It's sooooo boring now that the wars over... it's like no one even needs me any more!"

"Yes..." Arya said appearing in the doorway, " It is very boring..."

Arya, Nasuda, Orik, Murtagh, and Angela filled into the tavern and sat down besides Eragon all looking very depressed.

" What brings you all down to a tavern?" Eragon asked chuckling, "Have we all gotten that desperate?"

All of them shot him evil glares that made him want to run away, so he shut up and hid in his shirt. They all stayed like that in a awkward silence until Orik coughed loudly and whispered
"Awkward turtle..."

Everyone looked at him strangely until he said " What you don't believe in him? Durin will be turning in his grave!"

Angela seemed to be the only one to get the joke, and she burst into laughter. Eragon heard that laughter and peeped out of his shirt to see the damage. Nasuda and Murtagh were rubbing noses and making out in a corner, while Arya repeatedly thumped her head on the table making a hollow pounding noise. Angela was still laughing hysterically, and Orik was ordering large portions of a mead for all of them.

Eragon lifted his head out of his shirt and walked over to Arya. "Whats wrong Arya Svit-"

"DON"T!" She shouted, "I HATE IT WHEN YOU MAKE ME FELL GUILTY!"

Eragon screamed a childish scream and dove behind Saphira who was gulping down her seventh barrel of mead. Nasuda and Murtagh stopped making out in the corner, Angela stopped giggling, and the lone waiter that was bringing them their mead jumped three feet in the air and spilled alcohol all over himself.

" SHUT UP YOU STUPID ELF!" the waiter shouted.

" DON'T CALL ARYA STUPID!" Eragon yelled now jumping out from hiding, "Arya is a smart, talented, hot, greenie riding babe who is NOT STUPID!" He pulled out Brisinger, and charged at the man in a drunken fashion.

The waiter sensing his soon to come death started to cry. " Can this day get any worst!"

Just then Eragon tripped over a table and dropped Brisnger on Saphira's tail. Saphira pulled hear head out of her barrel of mead and blasted a twenty foot long wall of fire as she roared in pain.
As a result, the alcohol on the waiter ignited, turning him into a human torch.

" I'M ON FIRE!" He shouted.

"Stop drop and role dude..." Murtagh said calmly.

"BUT I'M ON FIRE!"

Murtagh sighed and walked over to him in a very calm fashion. When he got there he watched for a moment, sighed in a depressed way and then shoved the burning waiter to the ground. Next the kicked the man so hard that the rolled all the way into the bar.

Everyone just stared at Murtagh in another awkward silence until Nasuda squealed " Murty that was sooooooooo brave! You can protect me from burning waiters all the time now!"

Arya sighed as they started to make out in the corner again, and started hitting her head on the table with amazing speed. Orik and Angela however got up and walked over to the flaming wreckage of the bar. The waiter was groaned, and Orik pulled him out of the bar and onto the floor out of harms way.

The severely burned waiter gasped, and opened his eyes. " Water..." He croaked " I need water..."

" I will get you some water you poor poor man..." Angela whispered. She magicked up some water and a cup and poured it down the mans throat.

" Tell my children that I-"

The man abruptly stopped as an arrow sprouted from his head. Orik and Angela turned around in terror to see Arya putting away her bow.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Angela shouted.

"He was going to die anyway... I just took him out of his misery... it's just like that time when I shot that dying grey falcon remember Eragon?"

Eragon was getting up from his fall, but was shocked to see overturned chairs and tables, a flaming bar, and a burned and shot waiter in Angela's arms.

" How long was I out?" Eragon asked gesturing to the scene before him.

" Only about two minuets... why? Angela said already forgetting about the dead man in her arms.

" Ohh... no reason... I guess were all just destructive and crazy people, so we can't help but kill and waiter, and burn down a bar right?" Eragon said angrily.

" Lets all go and sit down at the table like civilized people... I for one am ashamed of what I have done here..." Orik said solemnly.

" Not as ashamed as you were that one night when I found you with spying on Arya and Faolin in bed all those years ago..." Angela said dropping the dead man and walking to the table.

"YOU DID WHAT!" Arya shouted.

" WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE?" Eragon shouted.

"AHHHHHHH!" shouted Orik as both Arya and Eragon tackled him.

"Calm down guys..." Murtagh said suddenly appearing out of nowhere, "violence solves nothing."

Murtagh grabbed both Arya and Eragon by the back of the shirt and shoved them into chairs next to each other. Arya tried to get back up and stab Orik, but Murtagh had a firm grip. When they were all calmed down Orik sat back down in his seat and poured everyone some mead from Saphira's stockpile. It was a miracle he was able to take the mead, but it was much easier now that she was passed out on the floor.

"How about we play an old dwarf game that helps break uncomfortable situations?" Orik asked everyone with a stupid grin slapped on his face.

" Sounds good to me" Nasuda said sitting down with Murtagh.

" Very well..." Orik said, " The game is call truth or dare..."

AN: YAY MY VERY FIRST COMEDY FANFIC! I NEED FIVE REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER TWO PEEPS! TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF IT ! I had some funny ideas to vent and this is the result! I wrote this entire chapter in half an hour, so expect fast update times!