Name: Reaver-Be-Gone
Author: Dark Archive
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor
Warning: Spoilers for Serenity, and a small reference to the Torchwood episode "Countrycide"
Summary: Order your own Reaver-Be-Gone today!
A/N: Inspired by a conversation with my friend TotallyRiddickObsessed
Are you tired of Reavers trashing your ship, raping your crew and losing you illegal money?
Does it drive your up the wall that Reavers eat the flesh of loved ones and sew their skins into their clothing?
Do those nasty Reavers drive your survivors into the same state of cannibalistic depravity?
Have no fear! Reaver-Be-Gone is here!
With the easy to apply blood red paint job you too can fly past Reavers and into the black edge of space.
Reaver-Be-Gone includes four easy applicators, ten gallons of fresh human blood and twenty sets of human bones.
Simply cover your ship in the blood of your fellow man, add bones for that special decorative touch and you have yourself an easy pass into Reaver territory.
But that's not all! We'll double your order absolutely free! (except for the additional shipping and handling charge)
If you order now you will receive a tube of Cannibal-Be-Gone with no added charges (except for twice the price of shipping and handling)! Perfect for those sudden investigative trips into a Welsh countryside infested with man-eating villagers armed with cleavers.
That's is a retail value of 9,999.99 credits, now absolutely free!
If you're not happy with your order, send it back and you can keep the Cannibal-Be-Gone as our gift to you.
This is a limited time offer not available in any stores. Order your own Reaver-Be-Gone today!
*For external use only.
Not for the faint of heart.
Keep out of reach of children.
When using this product, do not use in or near the eyes. If contact occurs, rinse the blood thoroughly with water.
Consult your doctor if any irritations or rash appears (Though not caused by our products, you should really get checked out by your doctor if you have a funky rash somewhere...).
Note: We are not responsible for any for any injuries and/or damage to property that may occur from using our products.
