They were disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I looked at them and saw destroyed dreams and lost fantasies. They looked at each other with love and adoration, and I just sat here looking at them with envy.

It's a real pain in the ass when you figure out that you're in love with your best friend, and it's an even bigger pain in the ass when you decide to figure that out when they're already in a happy relationship. What's even worse is when you're surrounded by happy couples and all you can do is wallow in self pity while you smile and act like you're happy for them, because while you're glad that they're happy, you resent the fact that you can't be happy too. You resent the fact that you can only sit there and pretend that there are no harsh feelings even though you secretly hate all of them for flaunting their happiness in your face.

But it's not their fault. It's not their fault that they found someone to love them and that they found happiness in another person. And it's certainly not your best friend's fault that he met the supposed love of his life and can no longer be bothered to pay attention to the peasant that you are because now there is someone so much better in his life; someone so much more important.

He tells you his darkest fears and what's going on at home. He tells you before anyone else that he loves her and that he's terrified of losing her; and it takes all your willpower to not tell him that what you fear most is losing him. He tells you he'd die without her and that he doesn't deserve her, and you can't help but think the opposite. Why shouldn't she be the one to worry? But that's of no matter because he's happy. That's all that really matters to you.

Your friends constantly talk about how they need to find you a boyfriend, and they ask you if you have anyone in mind. The only person that comes to mind is the one person you can't have. The forbidden fruit. And I was just a bruised apple.

You love his girlfriend, she is sweet and kind and she loves him. But you secretly resent her because she took what you wanted without so much as asking your permission, how rude she is. I mean, you are his best friend. Or did she forget that? Did she even know? Did he even tell her? It wasn't common knowledge, not everyone knew. Did she? She should. You should tell her. Or maybe you should just trust the fact that your best friend loves you and would've told her because it matters. You matter to him. At least… you think you do. Do you? Who knows?

Sometimes you wish that you had never met him. Then you think and regret that wish because you love him, and even though that hurts, he's worth the pain. Even if he'll never ever know that this is about him or that you feel this way. That would ruin his happiness and your friendship—two things you value more than any risk you could ever take in regards to him.

You want to talk to him all the time but you know that he won't want to talk because he'll just be thinking of her, and that hurts too much to even try to start the conversation. That's all he ever does, think about her. She's all he talks about. And you're happy, because he's happy, but you're not because you're not happy for yourself.

You don't really think of yourself anymore. All of your thoughts are about him and if he's happy. Your life is now trivial compared to his. And you know that's unhealthy but there's nothing you can do to fix it so you might as well just accept it and move on as if that's not the fact.

There are a lot of things that you're ignoring these days. You ignore the fact that he's telling you he loves you and you ignore the fact that he tells you that you are beautiful because it doesn't matter. He doesn't mean them sincerely. How could he when he's in love with her.

You do realize how bitter you are though. And you feel soo guilty about it. Has he noticed? Does he think you are mad at him? Please Gods no. you love him, he hurts you but that's not his fault. He shouldn't feel guilty, does he feel guilty? You hope he doesn't feel guilty. You'd feel even worse if that was the case.

You watch them even more closely now, trying to see if he's changed. Is he smiling more or less? Is he laughing more or less? Is he staring at you or her? Her. It's always her. It will always be her.

He tells you today that he has liked her for three years, always thinking that she was too good and he would never get the chance. You feel the sudden urge to just slap him. How could he be so dumb as to think that he wasn't good enough or unworthy? He is always worthy, he is always better than 'good enough'. He is pure and beautiful and excellently excellent.

He has lots of flaws. He's got a bit of a temper and he's not a genius and he has an inferiority complex, but he is perfect and you can't help but think that the reason he loves her and not you is because you are not perfect. And it's really a grand shame.

But, you know that you'll never leave because when he breaks, someone has to be there to pick up the shattered pieces and glue them back together.

They are disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I looked at them and saw destroyed dreams and lost fantasies. They looked at each other with love and adoration and I just sat there looking at them with envy. But that's not even the worst part. What hurts the most is that you'll never have him as yours and that kills you on the inside. And that's when you realize that it's not them that's disgusting, it's your jealousy.

Thanks so much for reading that! I hope y'all enjoyed it. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought! Have an excellent day my lovelies!

~MissunderstoodPoet~