This constant longing, this ache in the back of his throat has all started when he was going to make an embarrassingly fattening meal for Kurt.

"What are we having tonight?" Kurt asked, and Blaine replied innocently with the meal that was everything wrong with him. The words somehow displayed his sins, a grotesque vision of calories, horror, and some sick kind of innocence.

Well, it did to Blaine when Kurt reacted.

Blaine would almost like to tell the tale he deserved to endure, a tale where Kurt realised how gross he was and declared his departure.

That would've hurt less than knowing Kurt was hiding his hatred.

Well, Blaine was as dramatic as his music. Kurt was probably just stressed about looking the part for the spotlight...but Blaine was sucked into thinking otherwise.

A few pounds seemed like one hundred extra kilos making him horrendous, unacceptable.

He couldn't idly listen to this 'health' lecture any damn longer.

That was the first night of burning in his throat. He didn't care if he messed up his voice, he'd tear out his vocal cords for his beautiful boyfriend, the perfect man with self control and dream pipes, destined for Broadway and looking beautiful in tight clothing. Blaine knew he definitely can't do that, and made a note to buy clothes a couple sizes too big. Not a mental note, he wrote it down in the bathroom on tear and vomit-stained paper.

Kurt fell asleep to Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Blaine fell asleep to a throbbing in his throat, head, and heart.

….

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Kurt cheered with a ridiculous grin on his face, "We haven't got any NYADA today. Let's just have fun! Just like when we were in Glee!" Blaine chuckled at Kurt's adorable childish appearance, then remembered his own flabby one. The chuckle faded. "What's wrong?" Kurt asked sadly, "I'm sorry about what I said last night. So sorry. Blaine, you're fine, honestly." Blaine sighed. How'd Kurt know? Anyway, there was no way on earth he'd ever believe Kurt. People truly mean what they say when they say the wrong things.

"Just tired!" Blaine stuck his tongue out, which distracted Kurt from the tears coating his eyes, making them shine like those damned Christmas lights. Blaine fake-giggled through his mask of strength.

Then Kurt's lips sweetly crashed into his, and for a millisecond, he felt genuine. Then it faded. He'd only felt this way since last night, but Blaine knew he'd feel this way for an eternity. He sighed.

"Why so sad?" Kurt urged, "Come on, let's have breakfast!" Blaine's soul ached. There was no way he'd ruin his chances with Kurt by getting more disgusting with breakfast.

"I'm not feeling like breakfast."

"Come on, it's healthy to have breakfast."

Blaine dragged along sadly. "I'll get myself an apple."

"Blaine, even I have more than an apple for breakfast."

"Two."

"Fine." Kurt sighed, "but you're beautiful. Okay?"

"Okay." Blaine said hollowly, a word devoid of meaning.

He was encased in a hug, a scary hug, as Kurt was feeling all of his fat. He couldn't pull away, though. He loved Kurt too much. But he couldn't keep going, he hated himself too much. He ended up giving an awkward, half-hearted hug.

"Your awkwardness is adorable."

Blaine sighed. Kurt was so oblivious. "I know, you little punk!"

"Seriously? I wear scarves, not tattoos."

"And that's not what I meant!"

They collapsed into giggles, Blaine forgetting his fat for a minute.

Until he was alone in front of his vanity, left to cry again.

….

Blaine wrapped himself in a brown, baggy sweater, that he just happened to own. Thank God he did.

"You are an amazing boyfriend, but you have horrendous fashion taste!" Kurt laughed, "I can hardly see you! Oh, and I hate that colour. You look like a poop. An adorable poop, but uh...!"

Blaine defensively said, "Hey! I thought it looked good on me!" Of course, he was lying. In his mind, nothing looked good on him.

"And this is why you need an expert." They giggled like freaks, bursting from laughter next to each other.

"Wear the blue sweater." Kurt commanded, suddenly becoming dead serious. Blaine froze still. He was terrified, the blue sweater showed how much weight he'd gained and yikes, he couldn't wear anything half-decent until he lost weight.

Kurt would not be proud. But damn, Blaine thought, he'll be so proud when he loses weight, becomes less gross…

He couldn't wear the sweater.

"I don't like the blue sweater." Blaine whined.

"Ugh, fine." Kurt sighed dramatically, "Your choice."

Blaine couldn't help but giggle, yet he was dying inside. He wasn't thin or beautiful enough to wear the sweater, and Kurt loves the sweater…

Kurt would love him so much more when he was thin..

Not small enough, look at Kurt, he's so damn beautiful...

Not enough for him...

Even Kurt couldn't make him happier after that depressing thought. He was lost in the tears in his mind, as he sure as hell couldn't cry right now.

"Blaine? What are you thinking about?"

"How amazing you are."

Not a total lie.