So I've reached a brain fart in my other stories, and while looking for the Percy Jackson Fandom I found a BIBLE FANDOM of all things...
Anyway, I had this idea in my head for a long while, but was reluctant to put it on FictionPress because it's technically (according to a teacher) a fanfic, and FANFICTION APPARENTLY AGREES
So yeah, this is humorous and not overly spiritual, but it is not (intended) to be sacrilegious, blasphemous, or in any way offensive to the Christian faith-merely a dumb idea that has been floating around in my head.
Now that that's cleared up, LINK START! (lets see how many people get this reference XD)
Part I: 1906
"So…do we have a deal?"
A young, richly dressed man looked over the paper Satan gave him. It was pretty straightforward, but you never know with the devil. "Will I be able to be with my wife?"
Lucifer, who decided to mimic the look of an angel exuding brilliance and beauty, laughed out loud. "Of course not, you fool. She'd have to sell her soul as well!"
The young, richly dressed man sighed. Now that won't do. She was Christian through and through, and too sweet to serve in hell. If he got his wish, he'd have to be separate from her for all eternity…
He made up his mind right then. He loved her enough to spend an eternity in hell. She always said she loves him as much as he loves her, so she'll be willing to live in hell with him too, right?
Till death do us part, He thought, our love transcends death itself! Hell would be heaven with my wife by my side…
"Give me another sheet."
The angel of light raised an eyebrow. "Why? You only have one soul to sell…"
"I want one for my wife," the man said, "I want to be in hell with her."
Satan gave him a confused look. "That's…that's not quite how it works…"
"Well then make it work!" The young, richly dressed man snapped. "With all this talk about being better than God, you sure are a pansy."
At that, Lucifer quite literally exploded into a great ball of flames. "You dare call the Great Demon himself a…a pansy!"
"Give me another sheet and I'll grovel at your feet for mercy and forgiveness," the man replied.
Satan rolled his eyes and gave him another form. "There. Now grovel."
"Oh please I beg of you, oh great one!" the man cried, falling to his knees. "I know now you're not a pansy! Can you ever forgive me?"
"Now you're just mocking me," Lucifer muttered. "Get the hell out of my sight before I change my mind."
The man got back on his feet and smirked. "Thank you, oh great Mocker."
Satan narrowed his eyes at him. "Go to hell."
"That's the plan!" the young, richly dressed man replied as he disappeared back into existence.
"Oh Ruth~!"
Ruth LaRouge, William's beautiful fiancée, turned and saw her husband jogging towards her as she sat in her garden. "Yes?"
The way she smiled still made his heard fluttered just like it did when he first met her—she was uncharacteristically tan, a perfect gold-brown color from a time of working on the plains as well as having a distant Native-American ancestry. Wavy, black hair was pulled into a neat bun, stray hairs falling down her forehead the way they always did when she worked-an interesting hobby considering the vast amount of servants they possessed. Her eyes were a bright, beautiful green, and often William found himself getting lost in them.
"…Will?"
…as he was now.
Shaking his head, William approached her and gave her a piece of paper. "It's a doctor's form. It's…ah…permission for us to have a baby!"
Unfortunately, Ruth wasn't stupid—it was one of the many things he loved about her, but now he wished she lacked the common sense most low-born people had. "I've never heard of that before," she said doubtfully, "Why do we need permission?"
"I-well…Insurance!" Will replied, "Yeah, to cover the child! You want our child to be covered, right?"
It was true—nobody wants an uninsured baby. "….whatever you say," she said, starting to read the paper.
"O-oh you don't need to read it," Will said hastily, "see, I already signed mine—all they need is your signature!"
"I don't think so," she said doubtfully, "That wouldn't make any sense. Wouldn't they would have us sign the same—?"
Her eyes widened, and he face-palmed. "Are you insane William?!" she screamed, "Y-You're trying to trick me into selling my soul to the—the devil?!"
Well that worked out well…
William sighed. "Darling—"
"Don't you darling me!" Ruth shrieked, tearing up the paper in a fiery rage. "I refuse! Why on earth—!?"
She saw the paper in his hands and gasped. "W-William…" she whispered, "you…you didn't…"
"I don't want to be alone in hell without you," William cooed, "I love you—"
"No!" Ruth screamed, "If you loved me you'd forgo whatever the devil himself is tempting you with! Not drag me down with you!"
"Ruth—"
"No means no!"
Sighing in defeat, William stalked away in a mixture of anger and disappointment.
"I already gave you another sheet!" Lucifer—who decided on a reptilian beast-like look this time—accused, "What, does your cousin want in too!?"
"My wife ripped up the second one," William admitted, "so I need another one."
Satan stared at him for a moment. "Sorry to say this, but if she wants out, she's getting it…"
William glared at the Great Demon. "Then can't you change her mind!?"
"God's jurisdiction, not mine." When William gave him an irritated sigh, Satan rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah yeah I know, it's pretty bad…it irks me too."
"Can you please just give me another paper?"
The prince of darkness sighed and handed him another form. "How to you plan on convincing her to sign it?" he asked, "last time it didn't work out so well."
"I'm not," Will said, putting the form on his knee and writing on it.
"Whoa whoa whoa wait!" Lucifer shouted in alarm, "you already turned in yours! You can't—"
"Here," William said, handing the form back.
The devil stared at the form for a moment, and then nodded. "I see…forging is allowed, I guess…"
William exhaled. He knew there was no convincing his wife to be in hell with him, that much was true. However he'd seen her signature many times—he had even forged it for her once before when she was ill and asked him to. She can also forge his, but that's beside the point.
No matter what, he thought, my wife will be by my side.
"Well congratulations," Lucifer said happily, the paper disappearing into flames. "You just found yourself a loophole. Have fun with your wife in hell!"
