One-shot song-fic. A letter from Olivia to Elliot. Her thoughts about working alone. If I get a good reaction to this I may do a one-shot each week and try to continue this for the whole season.

This is set two weeks after the premiere. Enjoy and please review.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. SVU belongs to Dick Wolf and "Goodbye" belongs to Martina McBride.

Elliot,

I really do not know why I'm doing this. Writing you a letter that will never be sent that is. Maybe it will be therapeutic in working through the loss of you by my side. I feel kind of silly but here goes nothing.

Occurred to me the other day
You've been gone now a couple years
Well I guess it takes a while
For someone to really disappear
And I remember where I was
When the word came about you
It was a day much like today
The sky was bright and wide and blue

I stepped into the squad room this morning and looked at your desk. It has been two weeks since Cragen told me you were gone for good. I still look for you and your opinion in everything I do. I need you to tell me if I'm doing my job right. I need you next to me helping me train these two.

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

What are you doing now that you're no longer at SVU? Are you doing what retirees do? Staying home watching television? Going golfing? Enjoying your family while Eli is still little? Is Kathy happy your home all the time now or does she wish you were still working?

I hurt Elliot. Some days it's hard to even open my eyes, much less get out of bed. Why didn't you tell me yourself instead of letting me hear it from Cragen? He thinks of you like a son, did you know that? I guess he really is 'Dad' to you then. Haha.

Today my heart is big and sore
It's trying to push right through my skin
Won't see you anymore
I guess that's finally sinking in
Cause you can't make somebody see
With the simple words you say
All their beauty from within
Sometimes they just look away

I saw your desk today, saw my 'new' partner sitting there and it just kind of clicked. You're really gone and you're not coming back. How can I do this job without you? You keep me together. I'm sure the newbies think I'm awful but I just don't know how to handle this. I can't handle changes like this without you by my side.

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

Where are you, Elliot? Who will be there to catch me when I fall in love with the next abandoned kid only to have him ripped from my arms? Who will hold me in their arms when someone close is killed? I need you and you're gone. You don't even answer the phone. Do you not realize I need to hear your voice? I need you to tell me I can do this. I need you to tell me I can be strong without you. I need you to tell me there can be Benson without Stabler because right now I'm not sure I can even be Olivia without Elliot.

Maybe someday I will be better. Maybe after writing a few of these I will feel like I can do my job again. Maybe one of these days you will answer the phone or call me back so I can hear your voice. Until then I guess I will struggle through each day and train the new guys without you.

Some better way to say goodbye

One more thing before I close this letter. Since this is something you will never read I want to say something I will never be able to say to you, even if I was given the opportunity. I love you Elliot Stabler. I have for years and I always will.

I wasn't able to tell you goodbye when you left and I don't think I ever will without tears so I won't say it now. Just remember I love you and that will have to be enough for now.

Love,

Olivia