Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Volturi Christmas

December 18

It was a week before Christmas, and Aro was quickly going crazy. More so than usual.

He was planning a Christmas Day dress-up for when they all gathered around the tree to open presents. Granted, at this stage the tree was more of a shrub, and had no leaves... Or decorations.

Aro assigned Caius to decorate the tree, blithely ignoring Caius' growls and muttered protests. He drowned out the complaints by singing every carol he could think of at the top of his lungs.

He then assigned Jane to make holiday food to keep up the human appearance, and was geniunely surprised when he fell to the ground in agony and stayed like that for approximately three hours. Jane made sure to pay him back by burning all the food and then pointing out that they wouldn't even be eating the food, at which Aro sobbed tearlessly for hours until she hit him over the head with the tree.

He asked Marcus to begin wrapping the presents and was upset to discover later, that most of them were unwrapped. That is, some had paper taped haphazardly over them, others had no wrappings at all, and there were scraps of paper littering the ground. Marcus was nowhere to be seen: Aro walked all over the castle until he came across Marcus sitting on the ground beside the oven, statue-still.

He offered to take Felix, Demitri and Alec shopping to get the rest of their presents. Alec called him an idiot, Demitri suggested he stop taking so many drugs and Felix... well, Felix kicked at punched the tree until it was a small, battered plant. Maybe, Aro reflected, I shouldn't have called them useless, incompetent morons.

A week before Christmas, and no-one besides Aro was at all enthusiastic. It looked like Christmas was going to be very gloomy this year.

Aro sighed... Well, I suppose that's what you get for being the only remotely enthusiastic and cheerful person around.

That was when Aro had an idea: he would invite the Cullens! The black-haired pixie, Carlisle and Esme were all very cheerful, and Jasper had the ability to make people feel how he wanted. Bella and Edward probably wouldn't want to rock the boat, and Emmett had the right temperament for Christmas. Rosalie might be the only unenthusiastic Cullen. Besides which, this would be the perfect opportunity to make amends for trying to kill Renesmee a while ago.

He ran to his room, snatching the phone and knocking over a lamp in his excitement. He called Carlisle to invite him and his family. Carlisle sounded wary, then slightly amused, then mildly scared, and then he finally caved in.

That would be a scene worth seeing: Carlisle gathering the rest of the family to tell them they were spending the Christmas with the Volturi.

Aro started bouncing up and down with childlike glee, humming and dancing around the castle. He was so excited, he missed the thoughts of everyone else-yes, he's finally gone around the bend.

Maybe now Christmas would be the way it was supposed to, he thought. It's about time.

I like parodying the Volturi. They have so much power that I can't resist abusing that power to make them look like idiots.

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