Wobbling and tripping over my own feet, I placed both hands on the wall on either side of the door to the Final Dead Room to brace myself. I weakly started mumbling to myself.
"I-If I win the Life-Threatening Game here…I'll…be able to go to the Octagon place, right…?"
My mind began to race. That's where the exit must be! I've finally done it…I've figured out where the exit is…
"I can get out! With this, I can finally get out!"
"…You can't do that," a voice said from behind me, both soft and firm at the same time.
I whipped my head around to see Chiaki standing there, looking serious.
"You shouldn't go in there. You…won't find what you're looking for"
"Th-That's not true, Chiaki! The exit's going to be here!"
"…There is no exit. All that's there…is the Life-Threatening Game. Even if you clear it, you'll only obtain the weapon that Monokuma prepared…" Chiaki trailed off.
She glanced down at the ground, and back up. Then she continued, "Do you want the weapon? What you are you planning to do once you obtain it?"
I had no answer to that.
"…Do you need it?"
…an exit. I need an exit.
Words failed me.
Chiaki continued, seemingly unfazed despite my lack of refuting that I wanted the ultimate weapon, "You had this intense, worried look on your face while you were walking, so I followed you…It looks like I made the right choice."
Chiaki smiled at me warmly. "Let's go back, Hajime…Okay?"
My mind was still reeling with thoughts of an exit. Somewhere, deep down, I knew Chiaki was right. There was no exit. Well, there was an exit. And exit paved with the death of one of our fellow classmates.
I can't do this. But I can't just sit back and take it. Starving. So tired. So hungry. So…
I hadn't even realized I was still staring at Chiaki until the change in her expression brought her face back into focus. Her eyes had narrowed, as if she was examining me, looking for something within me.
With that, I felt Chiaki resolutely take my hand and start marching straight for the elevator. I was so shocked by her initiating physical contact with me, that all other thoughts were immediately pushed from my mind. I followed after her, hardly able to focus on anything other than the warmth of her hand in mine.
Chiaki called the elevator and led me inside.
And if I had found the walk distracting, this was even crazier. Despite being in this small, slow elevator, where there was literally nowhere else for me to go, Chiaki was still firmly holding onto my hand. She had a very focused and determined look on her face, as if other than the main goal of getting me out of there, she hadn't even really realized what she was doing. Or what it was doing to me.
In an effort to think about anything other than the warmth of Chiaki's touch and the warmth quickly traveling to my face, I found my mind wandering back to the day I went with her to the ranch. All the worries and concerns she expressed about touching animals, let alone people. She had said so much was born from touch that she felt she was better off not doing anything unnecessary.
Was dragging me along by the hand necessary?
Just exactly what did she see in my eyes when she decided to follow me to the Final Dead Room?
I was drug back to reality by the ding of the elevator and the doors opening.
Much to my surprise, Chiaki continued purposefully marching on, still holding my hand. We climbed the stairs up to the second floor, then started heading back toward our rooms.
When to my even greater surprise, she marched straight past my room, back to her room, escorting me inside.
Chiaki turned to close the door behind her, and in that moment, having reached her destination, seemed to come to the realization that she was still holding my hand. She quickly dropped it, her face flushing slightly, and closed the door.
She continued to stand there, facing the door, pressing it closed as if it had to be held in place.
"Chiaki…?"
"You should go ahead and sit down, I think" Chiaki answered, turning around finally, and gesturing toward her bed.
Her bed.
I swallowed hard, trying to will my mind away from the many, many images that were trying to bubble to the surface. I could feel the heat spilling from my cheeks. I wanted to ask her why. But all I managed was a feeble "…O-okay"
I obediently went and sat down on her bed. The look of confidence and determination that had been on her face earlier (the one I associate with seeing her mind working during a Class Trial) seemed to slowly be fading to the more typical sleepy, slightly curious look I was used to seeing on her face on a day to day basis.
The question of why I was here was still on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get it out. I pretty much already knew why I was here. And while I did feel a slight swooping sensation in my stomach, knowing she cared about me like this, I also felt a little embarrassed. I was here because she was making sure I didn't just run straight back to take on the Life-Threatening Game.
Not that I was sure I could run anywhere. My head and stomach ached. I was freezing cold.
Chiaki wandered over to the small desk in the corner. "We can just hang out here for now. Maybe you can get some rest. That will help clear your head. I think."
The bed smelled slightly of Chiaki's shampoo. I was having trouble focusing. But I nodded my agreement. Chiaki turned back toward the desk where she was fidgeting with her backpack. It looked like she was pulling out…a notebook? But where would she have gotten that? No…it must just be her e-handbook. That's the only thing that makes sense.
I contented myself with watching her do…whatever she was doing.
What was that?
"…Hajime?"
Apparently at some point, I had slumped over and fallen asleep. Chiaki was sitting on the bed next to me. I had no idea what time it was. Although I wondered how long she had just let me sleep, denying her access to her own bed. "Chiaki, I'm sorry…"
There was that adorable little head tilt and curious expression of hers "Sorry for what?"
"I fell asleep in your bed."
"Why are you sorry for that?"
"Well…I mean…it's your bed. You might want to use it…" I trailed off feeling stupider by the second. Why did I always seem so stupid when talking to her?
"…It's fine. I'm the one that told you to rest here, remember? Besides, I can sleep anywhere," Chiaki smiled at me slightly; "I should apologize to you, probably. You were shivering so badly, but I couldn't get the blanket out from under you to cover you; you are too heavy. I didn't mean to wake you."
And then I noticed just how violently I was shivering. Her concern for me, once again, made my stomach do a little flip flop. I should just go back to my own room. But the idea of letting her tuck me into her bed…
No, even if she can sleep anywhere, she should sleep in a bed. In her bed. I began to notice just how tired Chiaki looked. Worn out. Pale. Starving. Like the rest of us.
But in that moment, 'everyone else' wasn't really a big concern to me. I wanted to somehow protect her. Make things better for her - this girl doing so much to take care of me. But since I couldn't, the least I can do is not make things worse, by kicking her out of her own bed.
"I should just go back to my own room, Chiaki. This is your room and your bed, I don't want to be in your way."
"You aren't in my way."
"I know you're worried about me, but really. I won't go back to the Final Dead Room. I promise. You don't have to keep watch on me."
Chiaki seemed to be debating with herself. Then she finally said, "…I don't want you to leave."
"I…you…you don't?"
Having once again surprised me, Chiaki took advantage of that, and slowly started working the blankets out from under me. I went ahead and adjusted my position to make it easier for her.
As Chiaki started to cover me with the blankets, she slowly said "…do you remember when we went to the ranch together?"
Having just thought about that myself not that long ago, I wondered where this was going, "Yes, I do."
"I touched that cow, and when I mentioned how warm it was, you told me that it was warm because it was alive."
She paused there, so I figured I'd prompt her a little, "Yes, I did."
She continued to look down at me, still not speaking, until I started to feel my face going red again, with her so openly staring at me. Finally, without any preamble, she climbed under the blankets behind me, and slowly and gently worked herself into position until she was spooning me.
Softly, she continued "…I'm still worried about this. I still don't really know how to determine what sort of reaction I will get from someone, especially when touching them like this. But things that are alive are warm. And you were shivering so much. And well…ever since our time here in the Fun House began, I've been feeling colder and colder every day too."
I could barely answer. I could barely think. Chiaki Nanami, the adorable gamer girl I had been harboring a ridiculous crush on, who had already voiced many doubts and fears about physical contact was now outright cuddling with me. I tried to answer her, but something between a wheeze and a sigh seemed to be all I could get out.
Chiaki squeezed me tightly for a second. "Is this okay, Hajime?" I could actually hear the nervousness plain as day in her voice now.
Still struggling to find my voice, I instead reached up, grabbed her hand, and squeezed tightly in response. This was more than okay. This was like a dream come true. Like an answer to a prayer. I was afraid of doing something that would somehow destroy this moment.
I felt Chiaki sigh slightly, and felt a little tension leave her body. She must have known what my response meant, even if I hadn't voiced it.
"I feel a little bit warmer already" Chiaki whispered, and I could feel the heat from her blushing face on the back of my neck.
"Me too," I finally managed to answer. "Thank you, Chiaki. You're the best."
We fell asleep curled together, finally warm. And for the first time in days, the pain of hunger was driven from my mind.
Too bad happy moments can't last forever in this Killing Game, as little did we know, a Class Trial would await us the next morning. But for just a little while, in a room in Grape House, I felt an intense hope, greater than any I'd known before.
