Now, before anyone asks, no I'm not actually a magikarp, I'm a human. A ten-year old human. And, as you know, most ten-year old children inspire to acquire their Pokémon license, so they can "become the very best." Well, a couple of months ago, I tried. Contrary to popular belief, it's actually pretty hard to get said license.
Firstly, you have to be getting passing grades in your classes, as to not introduce more distractions to your already distracted mind. Secondly, you are required to take a summer-long "Pokémon 101" class where they teach you the basics of Pokémon and how to care for them, so on and so forth. Finally, you must get recommendation from your region's Professor. Since I live in the Kanto region, I would go to Professor Oak. But apparently that jerk didn't think I was "mature" enough.
Mature. I'm ten years old. Besides, it's not like I was rude to him or anything, I have no idea what the hell the guy's problem was. So, fairly recently, I attempted to capture my first Pokémon. Without the help of another Pokémon. Long story short, I killed two pidgeys. "Pokémon don't die! They faint!" Oak would say.
Even though I know that's just some lie they tell to naïve children, I'd like to show him the bloody corpses of a mother and father pidgey…I feel like I should explain…well, I was sneaking around Route 1, and saw the pidgey who turned out to be the mother. I decided to Safari Zone the little bastard and throw some rocks at her. She wasn't very fond of this, as she decided to charge at me. Her beak was extremely sharp-looking, as if she had sharpened it on the many formerly-alive enemies she had obtained in the tall grass. That is when I panicked, and began to bludgeon her with a boulder, which was conveniently placed next to the rocks I was throwing. Then the father came out, so I ignorantly decided to try to Safari Zone him. Nope. Charge. Bludgeon. Oops.
So there's that. Also, I still don't have my Pokémon license, and if anyone finds out I killed those two pidgeys, I get charged for Pokémon cruelty, and my changes of ever getting a damned license are next to none. Now, I am applying, for the second time, for a Pokémon license. Oh, by the way, my actual name is Ash. Ash Ketchum, forgot to mention that.
