The sun is a fucking structure made by the russians to try to hack our internet. Outwardly, the sun looks like a cluster of burning gases, but it's really just a hollow sphere with fabric taped on it so it billows in the cosmic winds. So called "solar flares" are really just radio waves sent out by the people that live in the sun to try to DDOS our good american internet. The Russians have taken so much from us. Not only are their women hotter and their vodka better, but they've also tampered with our elections, and are the leading cause of school shootings. Now, maybe I'm just a traditionalist, but I believe our internet should be fucked in the ass by our ISPs and our ISPs only. This can not stand. That's why, at 12pm April 20th, I'm launching a missile into space to destroy the sun. Stand up if you're with me. Be there or be square.
