Judgment
By: Kowareta
One-shot, Toguro-centric. Slight GenkaixToguro.
I really only wrote this because they never explained how he got his sunglasses back when he went to talk with Koenma for his judgment and it annoyed me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.
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The shadows talked to him. Now that he was dead they weren't so hard to hear nor easy to ignore. On the other side of life, across the edge, they waited. They always waited. Insignificant at first, but then they grow and claim shape, terrible monsters awaiting those that created them. The creators always came one way or another.
Toguro walked through the mists of spirit world, alone, his pace steady and solid. Everyone walks this path. Ferry girls deliver souls to the spirit world, but it's up to the individual where he or she ends up. It always is.
You killed, said the shadows, each with their own voice.
"I have," Toguro answered, his immense form lumbering through the mist, shades and shadows dancing around him. He was wearing his sunglasses. They had been broken in his fight against Yusuke, but here in spirit world they appeared again. Toguro thought it only fitting. Spirits and souls had to manifest themselves as they remember themselves to be. Because what a soul basically was—what it should be, Toguro corrected himself— was what you held onto even after death. Sometimes the objects people held onto represented themselves better than words.
The sunglasses were more than just an object. They protected the eyes, protected the heart within. It was a thin shield between him and the world.
But whatever defenses a man had, here in spirit world, it all broke down. The shadows don't need to see past the sunglasses to peer into Toguro's eyes and judge his heart. They're a part of him, after all.
You destroyed, murmured the shadows into his heart.
"Yes," Toguro replied, unwavering. Mist clung to his jacket, its dull green color slowly fading to gray. The spirit world erodes all color.
You lived to destroy.
"No. I showed him the way. I gave him direction. I taught him what she could not."
It was not your right.
"That is true. I didn't have to do it and I did it anyway. I chose."
Are you proud?
"Don't you know?"
Yes. You are proud. You have to be. I am you. I am every part of you that has ever been hidden. I know all you've ever thought. All the good thoughts and the bad ones. You loved to destroy.
"I know."
The mist thickened and the ground became rocky, an endless plane of pitfalls and protruding stone. Toguro walked through it all, unconcerned, standing tall with his hands in his pockets and his feet leading him straight ahead. His steps were rhythmic, a constant beat never once faltering, never once stopping.
I know you. Deep in your heart of hearts, everything bare before me. I am more than just your shadow; I am your truth. You hide nothing from me. I am what you hide. You loved her.
"I still do."
You chose power over her.
"I did."
She loves you.
"If she tries to stop me from going where I plan to go, she will have."
You hurt.
"I do," said Toguro. "But not enough."
The world grew darker. No. Not the world. The fog blackened, turned to ink, as dark as the lens of the man's sunglasses. There was now no sense of direction to rely on, and Toguro couldn't even tell if he was moving.
Toguro walked on.
The dark pulled at his sleeves. It pulled at the folds in the fabric of his clothes. It tugged at his sunglasses and tried to trip his steady feet. The darkness screamed at him, yelling "Monster, monster!" Toguro didn't respond. There was nothing to deny.
Step after unbroken step, Toguro walked on.
The darkness screamed, the darkness sobbed, and Toguro listened to it all. It would never go away and he had ignored it long enough while he was alive.
Eventually he came to a door, and though he could not see it (for the darkness hides all things) he knew he had come upon it. He paused. His hand pushed the sunglasses higher up on the bridge of his nose. They didn't mean much. They didn't mean anything at all. They had only acted as a shield against the shadows he had refused to see and the ones he now had to accept.
And now… you face judgment.
"No."
You refuse judgment?
"No. No one can judge me but me. And I've decided, I've chosen."
The door opened and there sat Koenma.
And Toguro walked in, had his say, and walked on. Genkai would try to stop him as he made his way. He'd pause for her because he owed her that much, but then he would walk on. He always would.
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