"Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go back to them. Sometimes you just have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize that you don't anymore."


It wasn't unusual for Pearl to be reclusive, but Amethyst was starting to worry. It had been nearly three days since she had last seen Pearl. Her roommate often became engrossed in her work and would spend excessive amounts of time at her dance studio practicing. Amethyst decided to peek into Pearl's room after her umpteenth text and call went unanswered.

Absolutely pristine. Honestly, Amethyst wasn't sure if she'd have been able to tell if Pearl had come home at all. Pearl left no trail. The only real signs of her even living in their little apartment was her enormous collection of books adorning the bookshelves in the living room.

Amethyst decided to call her one last time. She dialed Pearl's number by heart, crossed her fingers, and prayed not to get voice mail.

Ring… Ring… Ring... Ring... Ring… You've reached the voicemail box of Pearl Lu. Please leave a message after the tone. Beep.

"Hey, P, it's me again. Please call me when you get this. I'm super worried about you." Amethyst mashed the end call button harder than necessary. She was frustrated and worried. "I hope you're okay, P." She settled into their over stuffed armchair and opened her laptop. May as well get some work done, she decided. She worked as a freelance writer. Right now, she was writing articles about butterflies and bullies for a children's magazine. The work was driving her crazy. She wanted to be a real writer, but money was money. She researched and wrote for hours, pausing only to pet Pearl's wandering cat, Mimi, who was continuously trying to walk across her keyboard unless given attention.

It was well after midnight when Amethyst heard the front door open. She jolted up from where she had nested into the chair. Pearl came around the corner, ballet bag slung over her shoulder. Amethyst took a moment to look her over before speaking. Her normally crystal blue eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. Her short, nearly peach colored hair was covered by a slouchy, loose knit hat, which she only wore when she hadn't had the chance to wash her hair (this was the second time Amethyst had ever seen the hat). She wore her normal post-dance clothes, an oversized University of Michigan t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, but Amethyst was ninety percent sure they were the same clothes Pearl had worn when she left. Pearl dropped her bag onto the floor and collapsed onto the couch diagonal to Amethyst.

Amethyst broke the silence after a few moments.

"A-Are you okay, Pearl?" she asked quietly. Pearl closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

"I'm fine," Pearl replied in a sharp tone. "I am just tired."

"Oh, okay, well, I was getting kinda worried about you, P," Amethyst admitted, closing her laptop. "You don't usually stay gone so long. Difficult choreography?" Pearl rolled over onto her side, back facing Amethyst, not answering. Amethyst sighed. Something was wrong.

"Mimi missed you," Amethyst said as the cat hopped onto the couch and rubbed against Pearl's back. She still didn't budge. "I missed you," she offered timidly.

Pearl's silence turned to gut wrenching sobs. Amethyst clambered off of her chair as fast as she could, taken aback by her friend's sudden crying fit. She gently moved Mimi to the floor and sat down next to Pearl.

"What's really the matter, Pearl? Please, I can't stand to see you like this. Let me help you," she said softly, placing her hand gingerly on Pearl's back.

"You can't help me, Amethyst. No one can," Pearl said once her sobs subsided. Amethyst laid down beside her on the couch, carefully wrapping her arms around her slender friend. Pearl's crying returned, but it was much more subdued.

"I can try if you'll let me," Amethyst replied. " Please. What's wrong?"

"I just miss her so much," Pearl whispered, almost too quietly. Amethyst groaned. I should have known, she thought. "And every time I see something that reminds me of her, I just, I don't know what to do! I can't just pretend that nothing happened. Pretending it never happened doesn't work for me like it does for her. Everything is too painful! I've got nowhere to turn. Maybe I should call her…"

"Pearl, look at me," Pearl turned over in her arms. Amethyst wiped a few of her tears off of her red cheeks and cupped her face gently. " Rose was awful to you, P. Maybe she didn't physically hurt you, or abuse you in any way, but she was horrible. She kept you dangling. She emotionally fucked you up. It's been a year and seeing something that reminds you of her sends you on a three day bender. You can not call her, P."

Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go back to them. Sometimes you just have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize that you don't anymore."

"You must hate me," Pearl said quietly. Amethyst gave her a very sincere, very confused look. "I left for days without speaking to you just because something reminded me of Rose. You were worried about me and I ignored you. Even when I finally came home you were kind to me. I would hate me."

"I could never hate you in a million, billion, gajillion years, Pearl."

Pearl moved her head to rest on Amethyst's chest. Amethyst pulled her closer, hugging her tightly.

"What did I do to deserve you, Ame?" Pearl said, fingers tracing Amethyst's collarbone.

"Something pretty awful, I would guess," Amethyst said self-loathingly. Pearl hit her lightly.

"Don't say that about yourself," she said as Amethyst pressed her lips against her forehead. "You are fantastic."

"You're pretty great yourself, P. But, one thing."

"What's that?"

"Please answer your phone from now on, I was really worried."

"I promise."