I never promised a good fic. But if I had to give you guys one, and if you were really waiting for one...

Keep waiting, fuckers.


It's a picturesque evening in sunny Verona, when suddenly...

Romeo: AAAaaaurGGUREGGHHHHHH
Benvolio: Oi what the fuck m8?
Romeo: I like someone...
Benvolio: SUCK HIS DICK
Romeo: It's a girl.
Benvolio: Uh-huh. Sure.
Romeo: And she likes me...
Benvolio: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Romeo: But not like that.
Benvolio: I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! HOW DARE YOU?!
Mercutio: Damn, son. You need to get laid.
Benvolio: Hey, blind date night at Capulet's Olive Garden! I think that chick you like is gonna be there!
Romeo: Uhh, idk man, I kinda had this dream that I shouldn't do that...
Benvolio: Boo you, whore.
Mercutio: Poetic shit. Innuendo. Dreams are stupid. Let's go.

At Olive Garden

Capulet: WHOOO-HOOO! hot DAYUMN this is my jam! How now, Juliet?
Juliet: I came out to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now.

Romeo sits down. Juliet runs away from Paris' table and accidentally ends up with Romeo.

Juliet: Wait no wait shit I wasn't supposed to end up here... oh hey do you know the Capulets?
Romeo: Yeah sure I love them! Rosaline, Livia, *looks at smudged writing on hand* Tibbles...
Tybalt (from across the room): the FUCK you sayin about me to my cousin?
Romeo: Wait...
Nurse: He's a Montague. She's a Capulet.
Mercutio: And I'm Javert!
Benvolio: Can I make it any more obvious?
Juliet: *shoving breadsticks into purse* I'm sorry I have to leave right away. *leaves*
Romeo: *watches her run away* Swiggity swoogity, I'm coming for that booty. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


And that's what happens when you get a story idea during tech week. Don't do drugs, kids.