"Something's going on..."
Stu was a ferret. But he didn't used to be. He was a cultural geographer at Humboldt State University when one day, someone only going by the name "Paracelsus" asked if he would like to co-author a fanfiction parodying Stu's favorite show, Warehouse 13. Stu accepted, and everything went downhill from there. Paracelsus got so involved with what he was writing, he became infused with the fanfiction. In his dying moments on Earth, he used Edgar Allen Poe's pen to turn Stu into a ferret. The ferret wrote in the margins of the parody that Paracelsus was bronzed. But something was different now. Ever since Stu... okay, I wrote that a hot British woman seduced, drugged and kidnapped Pete, I have felt the strange urge to unbronze Paracelsus. And I fear that that day may have come, even though I didn't write it. But who did?
Wait. Edgar Allen Poe's pen. Did that dratted...? Yes, he must have. Oh, you're asking who unbronzed Paracelsus? I have an idea, but that would spoil the surprise. Let's find out...
"Who... who are you? How did you get in here?"
"Through a door."
The red-haired young woman stood in Artie's office, with Artie cuffed to his seat. "Claudia. Claudia Donovan..."
"Yeah, it's me, grumpus. I called you that once, remember?"
"No..."
Claudia leered at him. "Of course you don't. You probably don't even remember Joshua."
"Joshua was not my fault."
"JOSHUA WAS MY BROTHER!" Claudia yelled in a rage, inadvertently waking up Pete and Myka, who were in bed together. "And you're going to make it right. Come on."
With that, the intruder literally dragged Artie out and into his car. She started the engine, and drove off.
"Did you hear something?"
"No, Mykes, just us."
"I heard a stranger yelling, then Artie's voice. It came from the lobby downstairs, where Artie sometimes goes to think. Come on. We'll finish right afterwards."
"Okay..."
Artie was gone. His Farnsworth was there, open. There were scuff marks on the floor, leading outside.
"Someone took Artie?"
