Bushfire
'Set after the Day of the Doctor' but before the 'Time of the Doctor'
Authors Note: Just a fic I found knocking about on my hard drive that I felt like posting in a fit of nostalgia for the feels we used to have between Eleven and Clara. Mostly smut with some angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or its characters.
The Doctor sighed deeply the feel of her hair sliding through his fingers as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. The relief palpable in his pounding hearts as he pulled her slight frame against him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.
"Don't do that again." He pleaded, but this tone was sharp, he'd meant to make light of it, to dismiss it like always as just another part of his impossible world colliding with her human one. But feeling her in his arms the soft brush of her cheek against his as he held her. He was angry. At her. At the Universe and the alien's of Straygornia VII that had almost taken her away from him.
"Sorry." She breathed and he felt the way her whole body was trembling against him. She knew it had been close too.
The Doctor pulled back, his hands capturing her face and forcing her teary eyes onto his. "Not good enough." He snapped, his hands were trembling too he realised as he watched her eyes widen in surprise her mouth opened to say more... to apologise further perhaps, to explain, to justify. Nothing would work. There was no argument she could give in this moment that he could accept. Her life meant more to him.
This was normally the point of his relationship with a Companion that he would make 'that' choice. The one where he assessed how much they had come to mean to him, and how much more heartbreak he could bear. More often than not the answer was obvious and he sent them away, sent them to safety out of the type of life that would eventually wind up with him sobbing over their graves. The lesser of two heartbreaks he supposed, to miss them but know he had saved them from himself.
She knew; her eyes were dark brown orbs staring up at him and she knew, she always knew... "You're going to send me away aren't you?"
He lowered his head to hers their foreheads touching and he grasped her hands tightly in his between them, lifting them to his chest. He considered it, tried to visualise locking her out of the TARDIS, banishing her back to Earth, to her school. He'd tried it of a sorts, she'd only ever given him Wednesday's; given him space and the opportunity to make this choice easily if he wanted. But leaving her on Wednesday's felt like a hole opening in his chest, it cost him more each time, that she would go out and live a life without him... leaving him to hop endlessly from Wednesday to Wednesday because he couldn't bear the long way round.
He'd passed that point he realised with an icy chill. Passed the point where he could do the unselfish thing and let her go, his impossible girl had gone and slipped through his defenses and he hadn't even realised. He pulled her into a hug his arms tightening around her small form, but she was tense awaiting his answer.
But the realisation was sweeping through him like a bushfire, decimating any illusions as it went and leaving him with only the cold hard truth. A decision was made and he lowered his head pausing just a fraction of a second with his lips hovering over hers, she was surprised, he saw the emotion flicker there. But she didn't retreat, her eyes lowered to his lips in a blink and that was all it took for him to close the distance and press his mouth to hers.
The sensation was exquisite, her soft lips grew firm under his actions as he slowly coaxed a response out of her, his hands sliding into her hair, drawing her closer as he let his teeth worry her lower lip. His tongue danced along her lips which remained pressed closed and he felt the loss of her keenly as she pulled away arching her back beneath the hands he'd wrapped around her waist so she could stare back at him and prevent him merely taking her mouth again.
"Don't." She breathed and he felt the word like a knife between his hearts, but she made no further moves to pull away and his hands moved unbidden to stroke gently along her back.
"Why?" he asked quietly, aware he sounded like the petulant child denied a treat; perhaps he was. He lowered his gaze, letting it rove over every inch of her wondering at her ability to ignite such a fire inside of him with the merest touch of her lips. His decision was made now; it had been made the moment she stopped him committing the one act that he had regretted all his long life since the Time War. He couldn't go back. He knew she felt something for him, felt enough to sacrifice herself, she hadn't been as subtle in her desires as she'd no doubt imagined.
"Because you're you." She responded sadly her eyes holding more than they had any right to in that moment and he saw the lifetimes she'd been forced to live because of him, the secrets they held. His secrets.
His thumb rose to her lips, tracing the outline on instinct. He had waited so long to kiss those lips. To trust himself enough to admit his feelings. Her mystery was solved, there was nothing to stop him, no more excuses to make. He'd imagined the moment, but in none of his daydreams had he ever considered the possibility that she would simply say 'no'.
"I can be different. With you." He admitted quietly, the deep brown of her eyes drowning him in their warmth, even now as she rejected him.
"You're always different." She sighed, her own hand raising to his cheek. "That's the point. New man, new companion's. But underneath it, you are the same, always."
The twinge he felt was real enough, it felt like heartbreak and he couldn't bare it, not so soon after deciding she could be trusted with the pair of his. He moved swiftly, capturing her lips again, firmer this time, letting her feel the truth in it, the promise as his arms attempted to pull her closer yet. The warmth of her body as it melded so wonderfully against his a silent taunt of how perfect they could be together.
She tore away, pushing him aside and stalking to the edge of the console room, her hands going around the metal railings as she dropped her head, her breath coming in sharp shaky sounds. "Please stop." She pleaded and he heard the tears in her voice now. The Doctor looked down at his hands, her whole body seemed to be in turmoil as she refused to look back at him. It was a tipping point, his Time Lord brain could see the possibilities laid out before him, the future sliding into place around him unless he acted now. So many choices led to this being the last time she would step foot on board his TARDIS. That this would be the last time he'd get to touch her, hold her.
"I can't." He rasped, stalking towards her his hands going to her biceps as he pressed his chest against her back, letting his arms wrap solidly around her form. "I can see this moment Clara, every moment this can become and I can't let you go. Can't undo this moment because I need you."
"You've always needed me." Bitterness crept into her voice and he spun her around, startling them both with the suddenness of it, the aggression barely restrained as he gripped her arms hard, trapping her in his embrace.
"Not like this." He admitted. "God's Clara, the things I would do for you. To you." He whispered the last like a prayer and he saw the effect it had on her, the colour it bought to her cheeks, the way it darkened her eyes as her pupils dilated and her breathing hitched.
"There's no future here but heartbreak." She tried one last argument, the one that resounded strongest within her chest and should have worked on him, it always had before. He was just used to being the one wielding it.
"Your worth the risk." He swore but even as he said it he realised what she was saying, what she was confessing... that she wasn't sure he was. The woman who had died for him, sacrificed her existence, her body and soul for his, wasn't sure she was willing to risk her heart too.
"I've seen how this ends Doctor; the only way it can. If you really care you'll..." he stopped the words with his lips, convincing her with his body where his words had failed as he felt her lips yield just a fraction, their tongue's touching and sending a jolt of electricity through him.
"Don't you dare." He snarled, his anger battling his lust until the desperation rose above for the moment. Her eyes narrowed as she responded to his anger like for like. "If I really care I'll let you go is that what you think, what you want? That's bull and you know it!" He bit out, kissing her hard and driving her back against the metal railing, her hands rising to his head to tangle firmly in his hair on instinct he imagined as she mostly failed to reject his touch, arching beneath his fingers as he traced his hands down her ribcage. "I fight impossible odds every day... do you really think I won't fight for this, for you?"
He knew where her fear lay, that he would still send her away, that he would offer her this, offer them and leave her utterly broken when he realised he couldn't risk her further. Poor girl didn't realise he was already beyond that point, she'd never had to offer him a thing and he was still there. Heart, body and soul promised to her.
Her mouth opened and closed, but her argument died on her tongue, her eyes bored into his and he longed to tell her he wouldn't break her heart, wouldn't crush her soul with the weight of his own burdens that would become hers. Perhaps a better man would have been able to follow her simple plea. Perhaps a better man would have resisted the temptation of her lips. Perhaps a better man would have stopped himself from loving the impossible. He had claimed to be many things over the years... but never the 'better' man.
Her lips found his and her hands tugged his head down to her as she stood up on her tiptoes to bring them closer; freeing him finally as he slipped his tongue into her mouth claiming the space as his own, the taste of her permeating his every sense until it was all he could feel.
Perhaps there should have been more build up. More gentle caresses. But his need was wild as she met him passion for passion and as he lifted her up onto the railing and stepped into the inviting prospect of her legs as she wrapped them around his waist. His hands went beneath her dress skirt, pushing aside her simple underwear and letting his fingers trace frantic patterns against her until she was pulsing beneath him, their tongue's battling with the same kind of fury as he held her aloft, poised.
"Say yes." He insisted, pulling back and holding her chin and so her gaze on his. He wouldn't have the last words she'd spoken to him, before they tipped over this final barrier with abandon, be a rejection.
Her cheeks were flushed and her eyelashes blinked slowly across lust clouded eyes, but his Clara shone back at him her expression inscrutable.
"Yes." She replied firmly her breathless tone losing none of its power over him.
His fingers slid inside of her and her head rolled back as her body arched driving her hips further into his touch as a simple sound of want fell from her lips. The Doctor dropped his lips to the column of her neck she'd exposed, tasting the salty skin and gently caressing her hammering pulse point.
"I'll fight for this." He promised into her skin, "Always." He admitted, giving her more in that word than he'd ever promised all the others who'd tried to love him. "For you. Please..." he all but pleaded not even sure what for now, but willing her to trust him with the very last shred of her being she hadn't already given over. She arched beneath his fingers, her breaths growing heavy and with frustration he slid her underwear free, giving him greater access as he let it drop to the floor with a soft sound that seemed to pull her from her reverie. They both stared down at the simple strip of fabric on the TARDIS floor before their eyes met again and he made no apology, sliding his hands along her exposed thighs with a groan of satisfaction as he clasped the tight globes of her ass with one hand and slid the fingers of his other back into her swiftly with practiced ease, like they had been together always. His Clara wasn't a screamer he realised with amusement as she panted the soft sounds of her stifled cries against his shoulder were almost too much for him as he pushed his thumb against her clit his fingers deep within her questing ferverently for that elusive spot that would have her keening.
"Doctor." She almost pleaded his voice like a half remembered prayer on her lips and he obliged, thrusting his twinned fingers hard and long his thumb still furious against her, his mouth capturing the sounds she made as she bit hard against his lip. The first orgasm he drew from her body was one he savoured and locked away immediately in the filing cabinet of his memories. The way her whole body trembled around him, her hands fisting his hair violently as she buried her head in the hollow of his throat, the low throaty sound of release from her causing his balls to ache desperately as she clung to him.
Her eyes found his and he tried not to look smug, difficult with the blush that had crept onto her cheeks and the way her dark dilated pupils stared back at him with unconcealed lust. Clara's hand covered his and gently removed his touch from between her legs, her tongue tracing down the hollow of this throat she'd so thoroughly claimed as hers, as her hand slipped inside his trousers, making short work of the zip as he felt them fall to his ankles exposing him to the cool air. It was a shock that had his toes curling as her deft fingers took him in their grip and he bucked violently against her with the connection, her legs wrapping more firmly around him and sending his freed hands around her hips to grip onto her for support. Staring deep into her dark eyes a soft smile curved the edge of her lips and he watched with helpless fascination as she beckoned him in.
"Always?" she asked quietly her eyebrow arching imperiously at him and he was finding it hard to focus on her words or the meaning behind it, what with her warm hand pulsing along his shaft whilst her other deftly grasped his balls. "Rule one remember." she breathed, despite her ministrations as her hand slid over him persistently driving rational thought out of his head, she was clearly trying to make her original point and he tried to remember what his 'first' rule even was.
Rule one. The Doctor Lies.
"Rules can be broken." He promised, pulling her hand away with a reluctant groan, concerned at how close he was already to his end.
They paused in that moment, her legs wrapped around his waist, his hands grasping her hips firmly as she reached up locking her arms around his neck and sending her hands up into the base of his skull, setting the nerve endings there alight. Their eyes locked and he let her see the truth, how far gone he was... there was no sending her away now. Her hands lowered tracing down the length of his spine still covered in clothes they'd never had the chance to shed, until she reached his hips and with a firm pressure she drew him into the inviting heat between her legs, making the decision for them.
He slid into her closing his eyes at the sensation and the sound she made reverberated around his skull, this was what going home felt like he realised sinking into her heat with utter release. Her hitched breath was like a symphony, her head fell back and he raised his hand to palm her breast, the presence of her dress denying him the simple brush of skin he so craved. He bucked his hips, dropping his spare hand to her ass balancing her precariously on the small metal railing and simultaneously bringing her closer as her already pliant body met him thrust for thrust, her inner walls tightening and contracting him around him deliciously. His lips found hers and he focused on her mouth, her tongue, anything to distract himself from the soft breathless sounds she was making in response to their twinned bodies.
It wasn't enough, he wanted more of her, more of this. In a moment he lifted her, her startled sound as he slid from her delighting him as he spun them away from the railing.
"Take my jacket off." He insisted attempting to shrug it off and keep her held aloft, her legs still wrapped firmly around him. Her hands were as feverish as his as she tugged and pulled it free, dropping it to the floor. The Doctor snaked it with his foot and dropped her legs, seeing the soft pout she gave and covering her mouth with his as he guided her back, down onto to the floor, only the jacket keeping her from the cold metal of the TARDIS floor.
"Right here?" she asked questioningly as she lowered to her knees and staring up at him almost shyly.
"As opposed to right there?" he indicated the railing he'd already taken her against with a wicked grin.
Clara's smirk was as always something to behold, particularly as she focused it on his lower half which was inches from her. He had only a moment to consider her actions before her hot warm mouth had enveloped the head of his already aching member. "Oh God's Clara." He managed clutching onto the side of the console for support with his left hand as he kicked off the remnants of his trousers, his right hand falling to the back of her head and holding her just there. He wasn't a religious man, but he'd of prayed for this. His entire being reduced to the single part of his anatomy that she was focused so intently on; it was glorious and so utterly human, Time Lords never did have much of a tolerance for the physical aspects of love, far too perfunctory for fun.
He lost the train of his thoughts there as her hands twinned with her mouth and he had to fight to keep his knees from buckling as he tried not to push her mouth closer his hand tangling further in her hair as he resisted the urge, the desperate need to be deeper inside of her rising. Then her tongue did something wicked and he couldn't hold back spilling himself violently into her mouth with a cry of surprise. His head shot downwards in utter fascination to watch her swallow it and wondered with passing concern just how much more desire she could stoke in his twinned hearts; but it was the mild amusement dancing in her eyes that really did him in. She thought she'd won as she withdrew him from her mouth, staring up at him delicate and seemingly unspoilt... save for those dimples that took on an entirely new meaning to him now. He'd seen many beautiful women, had the pleasure of several of them in his long life; but none in the moment had ever stolen his breath quite as she did now.
The Doctor kept his eyes locked on hers, deliberately stalking forward and forcing her onto her back as he flowed down onto his knees in a move that clearly displayed more grace than she was expecting because she was eying him with new appreciation as he crowded her personal space. His hands couldn't resist, sliding along her length and admiring the curves up close he'd only been able to admire from afar for this long. "Fun thing about Time Lord physiology." He whispered shocked at how hoarse his voice had become with the desires they had barely begun to sate. His hands found the exposed skin of her back beneath her already open dress, his fingers ran along her spine and he watched in fascination the shudder it sent through her whole body that only stopped when he pushed a knee between her legs pressing his thigh into her already sensitive heat. Her breath caught as she stared up at him expectantly, her eyes wide, waiting for him to tell her just what was so fascinating. "We have excellent control of blood flow."
Her lips curved up her eyes dancing with that amusement again, "I'm sorry does that mean I broke your concentration last time?" she teased and he caressed her cheek he'd already adored that smart mouth of hers before he'd seen all of its talents, but right now he couldn't help but admire her ability to read between the lines, even now distracted as she was as she kissed his chin her tongue tracing over his skin.
"Yes." He barked, sharply, irritated that she was clearly gaining the upper hand and he pushed her back flat onto the ground pinning her hands with one of his own. Of course the fact that he hadn't lost control of himself like that in his entire long life probably also had something to do with the fact that no one had ever taken him quite like that before either, shocking maybe for a thousand year old male but what Time Lords lost in physicality they were often able to make up psychically... although what was a little imagination compared to the real thing! He rather thought she may have converted him to the human way of doing things, which meant he supposed that turn about was fair play.
"And here I thought you were a prude Doctor." She arched her still covered breasts beneath him and he had to work harder to control that much lauded blood flow again as he stretched himself out over her reveling in the look of mild surprise as she felt him long and hard against her inner thigh once more despite his warning.
"And you Clara, have always been a tease." He hissed, bringing her hands clasped in his one down her front as he slid lower, nudging her legs wider and forcing her dress to hitch up higher. She never had made it especially easy for him to resist her charms, those all too revealing dresses with little skirts of hers as he slid down her front.
"You're the one with the snogbox." She countered and immediately let out a sound that was something close to a squeal as his mouth closed around her centre, his tongue teasing her with as much careless attention as she'd shown him. He worked hard to make more of those sounds come out of her wicked little mouth. But she seemed quite resistant to the idea of screaming his name even as she quivered beneath him, her breasts heaving, all still beneath that dress of hers. He rocked back on his knees, pulling her upright and slipping the offensive garment from her, finally exposing her to his gaze. He paused a moment to savour it and the way she sat their staring at him without a hint of embarrassment as he lifted one leg tracing the length of it until he reached her feet, divesting her of one boot, then the other.
"We may have done this a little out of order." She laughed lightly, her hands shoving his shirt off his chest and tossing it aside as he kicked off his own boots, the socks he imagined were going to have to stay on because she was kissing him again and his hands became otherwise engaged.
There first coupling had been hesitant, frantic maybe and ultimately unfinished... but he savoured this one as he slid into her with the same feeling of satisfaction as the first, his eyes almost rolling back into his head and he forced himself to open them and focus on her face beneath him, as her mouth opened in a silent 'oh' as he rocked his hips driving as deep as he dared before pulling out and repeating the motion. Perhaps he should have glanced at a manual; if she'd given him warning this was where they were headed he might have... although he supposed it was probably his own fault for instigating the whole thing. But the sounds and the expressions she was making as her nails raked down his back suggested he hadn't forgotten it all. The Doctor reached between them, not stilling in his slow steady thrusts as his fingers found her once more and began to draw more of those little hitched breaths he admired so much as they spilled from her.
"Doctor." She whispered her head thrown back and her body arching beneath him, it would have seemed rude he supposed not to take the invitation and he latched onto the column of her throat with his mouth, sucking hard as his tongue flicked out, tasting her, biting until he marked her. That was the fun thing about humans... the way they tasted, perhaps it was just to his Time Lord pallet but he always thought it was like sunlight or summer, Clara though there was a definite hint of jasmine to it too. His tongue found her nipples and he swirled them delicately, his teeth gently teasing until he could feel her inner walls beginning to ripple around him in delicious contractions as the wave of her orgasm passed over him.
Perhaps it was his own selfish heritage asserting itself, but he needed to be with her in that moment, to know how she felt, to experience it with her. His forehead met hers and he pushed inside her mind feeling her part her thoughts like her legs had for him. Her pleasure coursed through him and he focused on it, on the part of her mind awash in it as he stoked it further, swirling his own thoughts and desires in to the mix until it became a torrent. She was screaming his name, he could hear it, feel it and he grinned savagely at the thought that he had finally forced her into vocalising her need for him, as he pushed her human body to orgasm again and again. His own body demanding its own desperate release, his hips thrusting violently in time with his mental exertions as he fought to hold her together as his own pleasures spilled into her mind. Time Lord sensations ran riot and she was trembling violently beneath him, he could hear her fragile human heart thumping wildly as she fought to process the overload. But this was what she did to him and he needed her to understand that, to see it; he sent the instruction to her mind and her eyes opened onto his as he held her gaze, his hands cradling her face.
"You see what you do to me?" He breathed in disbelief as he emptied himself into her with abandon, keeping her in the moment as her mind all but railed at the sensations he bore. Her eyes rolled back into her head as he collapsed against her spent and desperately trying to hold his weight off her as he rolled them. Collecting her in his arms and cradling her unconscious form, her breath was shallow and her heart wild beneath him as he held her. He released the grip his mind held on hers with mild panic. He hadn't meant to slide so deep into her consciousness, or to let so much of his spill over. Human minds weren't built for that kind of sensory perception.
Slowly her breathing calmed and she blinked, once, twice, her dark eyes opening onto his as he pulled her onto his lap, holding her in the comfort of his arms.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, pulling her fragile human form closer and hating more than ever the nature of what he was.
"Shh." She responded, her hand coming up to his cheek her expression didn't look in the least bit sorry. "So that's Time Lord sex?" she laughed and he smiled back down unable to do anything more when confronted with that smile. "We can do that again I guess." Her smile turned impish her tongue darting out to her lips, taunting him, not in the least bit disturbed that he'd shagged her into unconsciousness it seemed.
"It was reckless." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, not able to relinquish her just yet. She had no idea just how much damage he could have done... he could have damaged her permanently delving in and mucking about her psyche like that. That was the second time now he'd lost control with her and he didn't like the pattern it made.
"When aren't you?" She sighed, turning in his arms and wrapping her hands around his neck, sliding more soundly into his lap. For a moment he feared she might be expecting his Time Lord biology to rise to the challenge again, until she rested her head on his chest, her eyes closing and simply breathing in time with him.
"I have to be more careful with you." He admitted, tracing his fingers down her spine and burying his head in her shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to shut out the world and the weight of his own guilt that was threatening to swarm.
"Don't ruin it Doctor." Clara chastised him lightly. "I'm fine... better than fine, I think I'm still coming down." She admitted and he traced the pattern of trembling in her muscles all the way down her back and across her ribs.
"We shouldn't do this again." He admitted quietly, the words leaden on his lips, but she didn't respond just pressed a kiss to his chest above his hearts.
"Definitely not." She replied and he in his own still somewhat spent state took a few beats to realise she was toying with him. He reached down taking her face in his hands and forcing her to focus on him, to see how serious he was. "Don't." She raised a finger and pressed it to his lips. "You promised you'd fight for this, for me remember."
He tried to speak but her finger pressed harder and he frowned back at her stubbornness. "That means from you and your ridiculous brain too." She snapped. "You wanted this, you pursued this remember." She added leaning in close and removing her finger long enough to sear him with a kiss, her tongue darting into his mouth and sliding over his in a single move that left him wanting before she pulled back, her thumb taking her fingers place and sealing his mouth closed again. "This was the risk you idiot... that you'd panic over some ridiculous idea afterwards. That's why I resisted. Because you just can't let yourself be happy, not even for a moment."
The Doctor paused, staring at her flushed face, her eyes alight with the passions he'd so recently stoked, for him, her naked body still pressed against his. "I can't be trusted with something like this..." he admitted, tracing his fingers through her hair and down across her arms until he reached her hands, lifting them to place a kiss to her palms. "Someone like you." He added quietly.
"Human?" she pressed, and he detected a flicker of irritation there.
"Precious." He corrected, looking up at her through his hair which was obviously in complete disarray from her ministrations.
"I'm not as precious as you might think." She gave him a half smile that was both coy and tantalising. "And I most definitely won't break just because you spill whatever the hell that was into my thoughts, making me quite literally see stars..."
A grin threatened despite himself at her imagery, "Psychic semen." He laughed at the ridiculous notion having never thought of it that way, it was a very human reaction he supposed, a rational way to deal with the invasion of another mind into yours when you were at your most vulnerable your most exposed. To embrace the familiar.
"Let's not call it that." She wrinkled her nose in distaste and he traced the outline of it, he'd always loved her nose.
"You're ok though?" he asked in all seriousness, trying to get beneath the veneer of optimism and humour she used to mask everything she didn't want him to see.
Clara stroked his chin, her eyes seeming to trace every outline on his face. "Yes I'm fine, better than. I'm incredible right now." She sighed and he could believe it if she was feeling half of what he still was, the afterglow strong despite their current conversation. "Is that what it's like to be you... to feel all those sensations, all the time? How can you walk around and keep your focus on anything. It's like I was plugged into the Universe or something."
The Doctor shrugged, how to explain what he was born to. "It's just the way Time Lords process things, we have filters, but if we want we can extend our senses beyond just the physical, we can see every moment in time, every vibration of the cosmos within our cells if we choose to."
"Then why don't you?" she asked looking a little awed.
The Doctor looked away, "Because that is what the schism forces us to see in a moment of utter sensory overload when we come of age. Trust me, when you've been thrown into the vortex pitched free, your soul burning through all of time, you tend to keep it tucked in the next time."
Clara stilled. "I felt my soul burn once, through all of your time-line."
He had no answer for that, knew she didn't want one, so he simply let the words hang between them as he held her to him, closing his eyes and simply letting himself exist in the moment of shared understanding, a moment where for once he was perfectly content.
