This is a Silver Stone Ruby and Texas McFreedoms production. But Ruby wrote, like, 3/4ths of this. I mainly just wrote myself. Go Ruby!

This fic was begun on September 25th, largely as script.

Also: self-inserts and bad Sarge impressions. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do.

key:

Thoughts (outside of quotation marks)

"Normal talking, you buffoon."

translations bitch

NOTE: Texas is Texas McFreedoms. Tex is Agent Texas. Silver is Silver Stone Ruby.

~•~

Texas fell out of a box in the sky, landing on a concrete platform. "The hell is this place..?" She then saw the RvB (+Universal Crew circa chapter 9 or so) people. "Oh, nice! ..although, what the hell is happening there? I don't remember that happening."

Silver popped her head in to say, "You saw chapter 9 instead of 8. Neat, eh?"

"Weird glitch.. Maybe I'm a hacker! Maybe I can hack Dee some emotions.. Heey Dee, c'mere! Deeeeeeeeeeee, come heeeere!"

"No, I don't think you can hack emotions. Guess it was just a glitch- oh! I have to go!" Silver yanked herself out of the world as Jessie and Delta approached.

Jessie looked at the AI. "Hey, uh.. Delta. I think someone wants to talk to you."

Delta looked at Texas. "How do you require my assistance?"

"Hi!"

"Hello, Texas McFreedoms, or is there another name you would like me to refer to you as?"

"I GO BY MANY NAMES," she shouted, "THAT IS ONE OF THEM. ..Dee, why does Minecraft exist?"

"The game, Minecraft, exists solely because a man who goes by the name Notch decided to create it, putting his thoughts into the game and making it to his delights. Also, I would greatly prefer it if you simply called me 'Delta'."

"Deeeeee, can I hack everything? ..But Dee is faster!"

"Perhaps, and calling me that would be more efficient time-wise because it only has one syllable. I do not want you to call me that due to... Personal preferences."

"If you have preferences, you have emotions! DECIDE DEEEEEEEEEEEEElta!"

"I do not have emotions. AI are unable to express them."

"Being uncomfortable is an emotion, and Epsilon has gotten pretty pissed at people. Like, is Eppy not an AI anymore or something? Oh my god, did he do that meta thing without you?"

"..." Delta froze, fizzing a little.

"Oh no, I think Dee crashed. Or broke. He needs fixing. IT WAS NOBODY'S FAULT, STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!" Texas poked at Dee's frozen hologram, unsure what was wrong. "He's like my old phone was when it tried to load things that use internet.. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeelta?"

"...You. Fucking. IDIOT! I try to be nice and tell you not to call him that, but NO, you just HAD to push it!" Epsilon threw away his Delta costume, revealing himself. "I mean, look at him! You... You broke him!" He pointed at the real Delta, who just sat there, still frozen.

Jessie jumped in between the two. "Woah! Calm down there!"

"You're kinda being an-" Jessie shoved a sock in Felix's mouth.

"FELIX! You're not in the story yet! Shut up and wait your turn!"

"Felix! You knifed Tucker, you assface! ..Eppy, why do you have a Delta costume? Like, couldn't you just kind of be him? Cause you can totally do that. That costume is kind of creepy.." Texas paused. "Wait, if you were just wearing a costume, why did your voice match his? What the fuck? Eppy, you make no sense whatsoever."

Felix spat out the sock. "Hey.. No need to say in in front of my dear Jessie.."

"YOU DID WHAT?" shrieked Jessie.

"... A good magician never reveals his secrets..," muttered Epsilon.

"Ehehehhehehheheheheheheh. I'm going to get knifed now aren't I... Why weren't you JUST HIM? YOU CAN DO THAT! And you aren't a magician." Felix shot a death glare at Texas, who stepped away from him.

"Oh, can you prove I'm not one?"

"Ahhahahahhahhaha, I'm going to die... You're an AI, AIs do not do magic, THEY DO AI THINGS! Like math! Wow, that sounds like a glorified Simmons."

"Yeah... You think we can move on to a different topic. Like how much I hate Tucker?"

"Welp, everyone's going to kill me now. I CALL UPON THE MAYBE GHOST OF TUCKER TO SAVE ME!" Texas ran off to hide.

"The ghost of Tucker? FELIX, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?" Jessie grabbed Felix and shook him.

"It was nothing! Do you really think I would do such a horrendous thing?" Felix asked incredulously. Jessie refused to reply, opting to simply shoot daggers at him with her eyes.

Texas peered out from behind a corner, cross-eyed. "I think I can see torches and pitchforks. I SAID MAYBE, MAYBE, MAYBEEEEEEEEE! You knifed him and he was laying on the ground. So, I dunno.. Dr. Gray was standing next to him at least, so he's maybe not dead."

"Oh, THAT'S what you meant. "

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?" asked Jessie in confusion. Why didn't I ever finish season 12? I only got to the 17th episode!

"Episode 18. I hope it isn't done! That would be the worst cliffhanger of all time. Felix, you are a total assface for the sake of money. Why is Eppy not reacting, like at all? You'd think he'd be at least shocked Tucker got knifed. Or, you know, Church would. ..Wait, why does Felix know what went down but you don't? IS FELIX A TIME TRAVELING CONMAN?" Texas gasped in both shock and a need for air.

"I left, like ten minutes ago..," said Epsilon. "So what are you talking about?"

"Tucker got knifed."

"Knifed? Like, as in.. A knife.. Went inside of him?"

"Yes. Felix did it!"

Epsilon slowly turned to face Felix, taking in a deep breath. "FELIX! YOU MOTHER-FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER! WHEN CAROLINA AND WASH HEAR ABOUT THIS THEY ARE GOING TO BEAT THE LIVING FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

"Locus also beat the shit out of Wash. Eheheheh, I'm evil.."

"WHAT? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THOSE TWO THEY WILL FUCKING REGRET THAT THEIR MOTHERS EVER GAVE BIRTH TO THEM!"

"WAIT, WHAT?! WHAT EPISODE WAS THIS! HOW DO I NOT KNOW ANY OF THIS?" shouted Jessie in shock.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Church asked.

"Oh, uh.. Did I say something? Heh, must've been the wind!"

"You said episode. What do you mean?"

"...Fuck me..."

"Episode 18. It was 15 minutes long... EPPY, YOU HEARD NOTHIIIIING! DEE! HELLO
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Texas yelled.

"That was just the next episode! It was going to come out the next day! Why did this universe take me from my Red vs. Blue?"

"What the fuck are you two babbling about? Red vs Blue? The hell is that?"

"Umm.. CABOOSE! I NEED YOU!"

"I LIKE FLUFFY THINGS!" cheered Caboose.

"..." Delta remained silent, a little loading symbol appearing on his chest.

"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Help – Caboose! Eppy said he is going to kill Freckles! Quick! Get him! – Jessie, run fast like the wind."

Caboose turned to face Epsilon. "CHURCH!" His voice took a scarily familiar deep tone. "MY NAME IS MICHAEL J. CABOOSE, AND I WILL NEVER LET YOU TOUCH MY FRECKLES!"

EpsIlon looked at Caboose, "Oh, shit!"

Jessie gave out a nervous smile, "Whelp! Gotta run, bye!"

"I AM SO HELPFUL! Quick, over here!" Texas yelled.

"Coming!" Jessie called after her.

~•~

Looks like we're about to go over a cliff. Grif, I just wanted you to know... You're my son.