Contained in this bloodstained tome is the story of RAGE BLADE, legendary fighter!
It was just another dawn in Goug when, RAGEBLADE awoke in his hovel, he yawned as he rolled off his bed of nails onto the ensanguined floor, he got up and put on his mail made from the bones of the dragon who blinded him.
RAGEBLADE enjoyed living in Goug because he loves the din of gunfire and explosives and his right-hand moogle Quincy lived just next door, and the ale house was just across the street too! RAGEBLADE felt his way to the exit and migrated from his hut, not caring if he barges through anyone infelicitous enough to hamper his mobilization.
RAGEBBLADE had his regular order of Grog, containing one or more of the following: kerosene, propylene glycol, artificial sweeteners, sulphuric acid, rum, acetone, red dye no. 2, scumm, axle grease, battery acid, and/or pepperoni.", RAGEBLADE was about to drink his literal poison when one of the parivir mercenaries slammed the captain of the "Goug Militia" into the counter, spilling RAGEBLADES rightful brew all over his lap. The parivir drew his wakizashi and held it up to the moogle's throat. "Where's ma' money, bitch?! You better have ma' money, bitch! You better give me my goddamned money or I'm killing all y'all fuckers starting y'all poor ass", the poor captain was too beset by his disquietude to even begin to speak his piece.
RAGEBLADE felt the grog burn through his breeches and chip away at his thews, RAGEBLADE bellowed out in fury "WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY IRRIGATTION!", the bartender pointed accusingly at the parivir unaware of the fact RAGEBLADE couldn't see. "Snitches get stiches, bitches, sorry 'bout your drink... NOT! Go cry to yo' momma after I'm done with her! said the parivir with a laugh, the parivirs comrades laughed, the patrons laughed a little, even the guard about to get his throat slit couldn't help but chuckle -at least until the parivir punched him-. RAGEBLADE drew his namesake weapon, it was no sword, it was too big, too bulky, it was actually a giant's femur, not a blade, not one bit.
The parivir mocked RAGEBLADE "Oh, is this the part where the big tough anti-hero stomps around all angry tries to scare me? Okay, I'm scared, look at me run around screaming!" The parivir discards the moogle like a rag doll and runs around the bar in mock horror. "Oh no! The barbarian hero is mad at me! He's going to kill me! What am I going to do?!". The entire bar erupts in laughter while RAGEBLADE only simmered more with ire towards the parivir, he purposely strode towards the parivir and grabbed him by his hair. His assault only served to increase the parivirs mockery "Are you going to rip my entrails out? I'm so afraid, I'm going to scream! EYAAAAAAAGHGHGUGHUGHGHGHGH!", RAGEBLADE gouged out the parivirs eyes and tore his head free. The severed head spoke much to RAGEBLADE'S chagrin "Oh look at me, I'm a severed head Is this the part where you call me a fool then run back to your dark little corner to brood?" RAGEBLADE threw the severed head onto the ground and stomped on it until only gore remain, yet the man still spoke, still mocked him, still pointed out his cliches! RAGEBLADE retreated to his dark corner and brooded, eventually the bangaa janitor mopped up the parivirs remains.
MEANWHILE...
Clan Wu Tang, lead by ODB Clemens enter the city of Goug, they've received a job to wipe out a group of parivir mercenaries who started pillaging the country side because they hadn't received adequate payment, ODB was eager to shed blood, he was always a fan of violent movies and video games back on Earth but he could of never imagined how much he could like the real thing! He didn't so much as enjoy bloodshed as he revered it, he doesn't even care if they're too poor to pay him, taking life is payment enough!
ODB rushed into the group of parivir mercenaries and began to slice and and dice his way through them like a steel whirlwind of death, his confidence in his Judge's abilities only inspired him to continue on with his suicidal charge.
It was over before he realized it, not a single inch of him wasn't covered in blood but it wasn't enough, he eagerly took on the mission to brutalize the militia itself, he enjoyed it so much he did it many more times until the militia no longer feared pain but actually enjoyed it, he agreed that it was Time To Act and regretted it ever since.
The moogle tinker (ODB always hated him the most) began the battle by spraying his allies with poison, then gifting his foes with godlike celerity, the guard was devastated, ODB tried this frustrating mission many more times until he finally succeeded! ODB celebrated by killing the first tinker he could find.
VICTORY!
MEANWHILE...
RAGEBLADE went home, climbed onto his bed of nails, and said goodnight to the nu mou he uses as an alarm clock. THE END ... OR IS IT?!
