"I'm serious Tegan that's like four fucking times you've screwed our songs up. It's not funny anymore. Can you try to remember the lyrics for once tonight?"
She's glaring at me now and I guess I'm being pretty harsh but it's really starting to get on my nerves now; plus this tour has really started to take its toll on me. It's hard to go so long with so little quiet, peaceful time alone. At the same time, I guess everyone else is going though the same stuff, so I shouldn't get on Tegan so much over being tired and forgetting a couple words. Especially on some of those songs from earlier in our career… We really had a lot to say. And I guess she does play it off well; the fans always seem perfectly fine with it – if anything they seem to think it's funny or cute. Well shit. I've already realized I fucked up and the fight hasn't even started. I can tell from the venomous look she's throwing at me.
"Maybe if you pulled the stick our of your ass, Sara, and actually learned to enjoy doing what we do you would realize that you can't control every fucking aspect of a concert. I practice every bit as much as you and just because I can't remember every fucking last word that we've written in the past fifteen years doesn't mean that I need your shit too. It's not like I mean to fucking mess up – and at least I can manage to smile every now and then instead of looking like the last place I want to be in the world is on stage. Fuck you Sara."
"Fuck off Tegan. I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. You know I'm not as "bubbly" as you and you know how I worry that people don't like my personality as much as yours. So don't you dare tell me that just because I don't have the same personality as you that I don't want to be here every bit as much, that I don't appreciate and love our fans more than anything. I'm so done with this conversation. All I ask is that you act professional every once in a while."
Okay, so I know I said I had fucked up and I did – but she didn't have to pull the mopey-Sara card. I hate fighting with Tegan like this, but there's just this part of me that can't help but fight back. I just get so mad – way angrier than with anyone else – and almost unreasonably so. No matter what she does, I just feel this overwhelming rage. I know she feels the same way, because we both add fuel to the fire. It's like two meteors clashing – the immovable object and unstoppable force. I know that's why we both say uncalled for things that we don't mean. Doesn't stop it from hurting though. Or making me angrier.
Al cut our argument short by poking his head through the door of our dressing room and announcing that the show would start soon. I took a last deep breath trying to calm myself down and followed Tegan out the door, returning the glare she threw at me over her shoulder.
