TITLE: Realm of Dreams & Reality
Disclaimer: I don't own CB, but nweiz, mind to review/flame guyz…
"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard—very hard! But, holding on to someone who doesn't feel the same is much harder."
Summary: Faye's been deeply in love w/ Spike but Spike have no feelings about her. Time passes their position had been twisted. Faye w/ someone new & Spike deeply in love w/ Faye?! Can Spike make her fall in love w/ him again? FxS
Chapter 1: footprints of the past
BTW, my POV are the bold one.
I am waiting…For something I do not know.
I am staying…
But I really wanna go.
Life could be a mess,
It could be a definite whore,
Especially if you can't see a single open
Door.
Oftentimes it crosses my mind,
Why do I have to face this?
Can I be some kind of loser of no fight?
What does life really have in store of me,
If I am here…
Yet I ca not be.
-- Jebong
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"Damn! I guess it's another long night for me." I sigh and lit my last stick and sucked it inside my mouth as I lift my body to stood up from my bed and watch the stars in the dark sky only to disappoint me when I had found nothing. I sigh again exhaling the smoke from the cigarette. I didn't know what's really bothering me. I took a glimpse towards my digital clock and it made me realized that it was already 2 in the morning, but sleep eluded me. I can't sleep. As soon as I finished the last stick of my cigarette I decided to write in my journal, I check the date today and I knew that it's January 17, 2075. Oh shit! January 17?! It definitely reminds me something. I throw my journal with dismay in the side of my bed and something dropped in, it's a letter, a very, very familiar letter. Oh yea, I know that this is his emotionally response for me. I smirked and decided to read it as I walked down the stairs to have some wine to drink.
As soon as I got the bottle of wine and my favorite glass, I lazily drag my foot towards the terrace and sat there to open the letter and in all of a sudden my smirk turned into a serious, long face. After reading it I sigh again and decided to read it once more, I now read it audibly…
(Letter )
I don't know how to begin this, but since you brought up the topic of setting me free, let me begin with this:
"Letting go of someone dear to you is very hard. But holding on to someone who doesn't feel the same is much harder. Letting go doesn't mean that you are weak. It means that you are strong enough to let go."
To be honest with you… I'm not that all glad that you've set me free, the word to describe my feelings right now is 'devastated!' really, believe me… I didn't mean to those things to you… its just, I really can't return the love that you're giving me… So I think it's the best for the both of us right now. I haven't been a good boy friend to you. I have been insensitive to your feelings. I shouldn't be numb even when I was still there. I could have exerted all efforts to keep our relationship. But I did not. Another thing Faye, I'm not that good at expressing my feelings, you probably have known and felt it when I was still there….
You know what, by this time I'm writing this message, my tears are flowing, but I don't really know why, frankly I never really care about how you feel, I just don't know where the fuck does this tears coming? I guess its pouring for having lost someone who loved me for what I am and yet have been insensitive to her feelings and no matter how sorry I am, I can't put back the shattered pieces of your heart. I called Meylin and she asked me to call you or even text/email you because you are sick, and she said how she wants you to be the one for me. I called up dad last Sunday and he asked me if I called you when you were sick, I was ashamed to tell him the truth, and lied to him by saying 'I did', when I did not. My family really likes you to be the one for me. But I think I don't deserve you. Because you deserve someone better. Someone who is not insensitive, someone who will always be there for you no matter what, and someone who will love you more than himself. How I wish I could be that person.
Faye paused for a moment remembering something. And waft to her thought for a few moments before she continue reading the last part.
'Freaking God! Each time I'll read that part, a part of me wants to cry, a part of me still hoping, but… I know that. There is none!'
She then continue to read it, only to stab her when she red the last part.
How I wish I can be that person but by this time you know that….
"IT'S NOT ME."
She's really wondering why does the last part always hurt her, although everything seems to be common. She'd been reading the letter for four years over and over again. And their 'supposed' to be anniversary day is nothing but just an ordinary day, his birthday, his favorite song, food, color, likes, dislikes, hobbies, hang-outs, it all seem to be ordinary, and nothing to Faye, but still there is something about it that keeps lingering her. She doesn't know why so she just keeps ignoring it all as well.
"I've been reading you a thousand times before for 4 years, I keep reading you and you keep reminding me someone…. Although I'm trying to forget him, I can't help but to read you. You're the only thing that he had left to me preciously…. He never showed any emotions to me, but he did when he wrote you!" Faye narrowed her eyes and keeps staring at the letter as she clutched the paper she almost crumpled it as her tears run down to her face. But she quickly wiped it away.
"I'm all done to you asshole. There'll be no more tears for me to shed, no more love for you to hurt me bad. You're just a footprint of my past. You're just a lunkheaded man because you never knew how precious is your Romani! You and I can never be together in reality…. That's a never."
Oh so, its been a years…. hmm…4 years?! Its been a long time then,long enough to forget him… oh! Yea, Spike's out of her life!
Faye really doesn't want to admit something, that she really can't get the whole fucking things about Spike. She can still remember their anniversary, and that was on January 18. Too bad that there are still some part of Spike that didn't vanished, too bad that there are a lot of things in this freaking world that kept reminding her of someone named Spike Spiegel!! Too bad that Spike still haunts her heart. Too bad for her coz she's lingering about him. But her feeling was overcome by her aggressive mind that keeps burying him. She keeps resisting Spike, erasing him, forgetting him… throwing away her feelings.
"I hate you Spike!" and for the last time she sighed again and found herself at her room and as she mention his name once more she fell into a deep sleep.
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A/N: Yea I know that it was kinda weird, OOC?! But I'll try my best to show the real character of Faye, Spike, bla, bla…I actually never completed watching the whole series so mind to inform me if they are really out of character.
Flames, queries, suggestions, comments, corrections, criticism…are all welcome, so long as you review. (", )
The next chapter would be entitled as; "HE'S BACK?!"
Guess who's the guy?
