A/N: Just a tiny little one-shot that came to me while I was writing an essay for Pre-Cal. Arcana Custodia hasn't been forgotten and I intend to update soon, please be patient with me.
Otherwise, enjoy!
December 1st
Snape,
I really should not be doing this, because if 'Mione finds out, she'd be unhappy, but I just can't help gloating. Despite your best efforts, she has chosen me. We are to marry next week. Don't bother showing up, you greasy git.
-Ron Weasley
December 5th
Mr Weasley,
I have no idea what you are talking about, Hermione has not spoken of you in weeks. If you think that you have somehow bested me, I assure you are delusional. Furthermore, I know not what wedding you speak of, since Hermione has been occupied for the past few weeks, and probably won't be leaving my bed for several more to come. You need not worry though, I have no intention of ever attending your wedding. Especially since there shan't be one.
-SS
December 12th
Snape,
I'm sure you've gone bloody mad. 'Mione is in bed with me right now! We have just finished shagging, so there is no way she can be in both our beds at once. Not that she would ever be in yours to begin with! Have fun with your hand, you bloody Death Eater. It's the only one that would ever touch you.
-Ron Weasley
December 18th
Mr. Weasley,
Please administer this potion to "Hermione" without her knowledge. It will cancel the effects of Polyjuice and any glamours. Please let me know if it works.
-SS
December 22nd
Bloody hell, Snape! What the hell do you think you're playing at? Why have you turned Hermione into that slimy git, Malfoy? How can I shag her when all I see is that ferret? I demand you undo whatever you did! Just because you're jealous doesn't give you the right to do this! Why does she keep insisting that she's Malfoy? What have you done to her?
-Ron Weasley
December 24th
Mr. Weasley,
I am sure you will get along rather well with my godson. He has fancied you for several years and I owed him a favor, so make it worth it. Polyjuice isn't cheap. Hope you two have fun. By the way, Hermione is currently doubled over laughing. She says I ought to invite you to our wedding, but I don't think I will. I don't want you there, you dunderheaded moron.
-Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape
