Hello! I'm Emily-Louise .. and i'm an avid LOST fan. I have been writing FanFiction for about three years now. Started off with some ER, dash of Dawson's Creek and am now totally loving the LOST possibilities! This is the first time i think i have ever posted anything on FF.. though i have been aware of this site for some time.
The first FanFic i am posting today ... has come from Godknows-where. It's mainly smutt ... so i appologise for that firstly .. or not actually:) However, i don't want to offend anyone so i should warn you that this fic in particular is rated STRONG for sexual content and adult language.
If you find this sort of thing offensive please do not read on.
Rated: NC17
Second of all: I beg you to read it from the beginning, if you are anything like me ... and fancy a bit of smutt ... and read ahead .. well dont!!! I advise you to read this one from the beginning .. to understand what one earth is going on! (again i appologise for the nature of this one ... im usually all loved up ... but we'll see where it goes shall we:)
Third of all: Please please please enjoy it! I've always said i write for the people that want to read. And no one else:)
So enjoy, and please review, because that's also why i write! I love to hear what all of you lot thing. It's true when we say the reviews are what make us write the next chapter sooner:)
Thanks:)
Emi
note: Set at the end of Season 3 (its been like four days .. and i'm missing it already!) :(
A Shade of Hope
by Emily Louise
Chapter 1
"I'm not your slave." He slams his fists down on the glass, having been so sure he would never be here again.
"Oh but Jack you are." Jack walks away from the eager face, those big beady round eyes glaring through at him, tempting his anger. "It's not what you think Jack." Ben warns him slowly, his voice like a flat tone buzzing in the poisonous air around him. "We're done with favours, with letting you live, like us…"
"You never…" Jack yells, his eyes blazing, his body sweating profusely with an anger that was leaving him exhausted inside.
"Jack." Ben bolted, his nose inches away from pressing up on the glass. "I would like you to meet someone."
"I want you to tell me, right now" Jack screams, "what the hell is going on? Where are they, where are they Ben!" Ben ignores his yells of impassioned fear, and turns to the door, leaving Jack alone in the dark aquarium, returned to the place that would forever haunt his fears.
Jack hangs over the bench, his arm muscles still flexing as he had bashed the glass and pumped his weight into breaking it. Not a dent was left. The halls were silent, except the heavy grind of a door being opened behind him. Jack turned to find Ben re-entering. For a second he imagined the young body he was leading in to be Kate's and jumped to attention, his body urging him to the glass again. But the figure Ben had shuddering beside him, her head bound with a familiar brown bag and her hands bound at her front, was too small to be Kate.
"I want you to know Jack," Ben said aloud, "that this is your chance."
Jack stared continuously at the bag over her face. "Your chance to do the right thing." He could hear the whimpers coming from her mouth, the way her hands fumbled together, shaking, vibrating, her pale skin a shadowy green in the light.
"Let 'em go Ben, I swear to God. I'll do anything." Jack mumbled. "Anything." He said like a key to their release. Ben seemed to dismiss it.
"Jack, I'd like you to meet Claire." Jack frowns, now recognising the young woman in front of her. He tore the bag from her head, watching the young lady as her eyes widened when she saw Jack. She screamed through the gag, petrified, her eyes glazed with fear.
"What did you do to her?" Jack yelled at Ben, who swept his hand down the side of her face, caressing the wrinkles at the side of her eye. "Ben listen to me, listen." Jack pounded on the glass, desperate to break Ben's glance off the girl. Ben slowly draws his look from her, and smiles at Jack.
Claire collapses to her knees, her body buckling, tears streaming from her eyes.
"What the hell did you do?" Jack gasps, crumbling inside as he sees her weary figure subside into the ground.
"It's not us Jack. It's the island. When I told you not to use that phone. I meant it."
"Stop fucking lying." Jack shouts, "tell me…" he gasps, wiping his hand across his face, "tell me what I have to do."
The bargain was. Jack had to save them. All of them. Like he said.
The world had gone dark seconds after the voice disappeared on the other end of the phone. Their mission was far from over.
"Jack this is your sister." Jack looks up directly into Claire's eyes, her sad face crying out to be helped. He was sat in front of her now, behind the glass yes, but closer. Her eyes begged him for something, but the gag prevented her from telling him what. Resorting to looking into her eyes for a clue was proving useless. Jack stood up.
"What?"
"You have a sister Jack." Their eyes meet, Claire less shocked than Jack was. "Your father spent a lot of time in Sydney, correct?" he said like a fact. Jack didn't answer. His face swapped between the villain and the damsel.
"What do you want Ben? What do your people want from us?" Jack was becoming more wise to Ben's antics to totally dismiss the idea, but he wasn't about to start believing every word. There was something incredibly clever about this island, Jack knew that now.
"In good time Jack, you will understand why. But until then I want you to do as I say." Jack swallows down the feeling that Ben is coming to a point, rather than just getting him more and more agitated. "And no one will get hurt."
"Let her go Ben." Jack demanded.
"Her? Are you sure you want me to do that?" Jack considers with his eyes what he had just said. "Let them all go." He corrected. "Keep me if that's what you really want. Whatever you want Ben," he reminded him. But Ben wasn't after Jack calling the shots. He already had a plan, and unbeknown to Jack, it was going to work.
"As I was saying earlier Dr." This caught Jack's attention, people didn't call him that. Not usually. Not now. "We let you live here unscathed up to a point. But people here Jack do not like being deceived by people I told them we could trust. You Jack, caused that panic amongst my people." Jack shakes his head.
"I…"
"Shut up Jack," Ben snapped, his eyes glaring towards the man, for the first time he seemed angrier than suspicious, and this caught Jack off guard. "You have made one mistake too many. You belong to Jacob now." Jack swallows, wetting his lips.
"Who is Jacob?" he asks suspiciously, tilting his head towards Ben. "Another person we have to answer to. I'm sick of answering to you people. And we wont."
"Jack on the other side of that wall is a lab. You've seen it before." He reminds him slowly reeling Jack in. His concentration hanging by a thread. "In that Lab is a woman. I suggest you remain very quiet until I have finished." He threatens.
For as long as he had been in this cell he had heard nothing. He had seen no one except Ben. He had no idea where the others were, who they were with, where they had been taken. What had been done to them. He shuddered, Kate filling his mind. Her scared face as he spoke into that phone. Her eyes calling out to him. Had they made a mistake?
"What have you done to her?" Jack snarled against the glass, desperate to have killed Ben when he had the chance. "If you've touched her, I'll kill you."
"Focus on Claire Jack, for the moment." He says, his eyes sliding over Jack's taught face, a sly smile covering Ben's face. "We have the child." Ben snarls. "We want more." Ben muffles angrily, "and you will give them to us. All of you." Claire lets out a sob as she hears a mention of her child. Her eyes scream at Jack and he moves back to Ben.
"What have you done with him. Where is he!" he exclaims ramming himself against the glass. Ben takes a step back.
"Your nephew Jack, is fine. One of my priorities is to give the people what they want." Ben wrestles Claire to her feet. "Do as I say Jack, and Claire will be fine. Her baby will be fine." He repeats.
"And the others…" Jack begins but Ben turns to leave, his face blank. His eyes, dark.
The door slams. The room echoes into silence.
"Kate!" Jack yells running to the far wall. "Ka-ate." He screams. He bangs, the breath being torn from his lungs with every letter of her name. He slides down the cold, hard wall, his fists sliding with him, catching on the sharpness of the stone. The door opens behind him, this time inside his cell. A man, unrecognisable, stands before him with handcuffs and a bag. This was surely hell.
When he opens his eyes again, he's alone in a white room, all except for one mirrored wall. Jack gasps for breath, the air clean compared to the musty smell of the corn bag. He turns to the door, closed and locked. No handle on the inside. What was this place? His eyes scan into the middle of the room. And then he sees her. Her hands bound above her head in handcuffs and a chain that pulls her arms almost straight. Her head is lolled to one side, her hair down, some around her shoulders, a few strands across her face. The ends straggled against her naked chest, her flesh rosy beneath the dark strands.
"Kate." Jack cries. But he cant move, his fear holds him down as he realises what has happened. His face crumples and for a moment all he can do is cry, the tears swimming down his face as he stares at her naked body, exposed and cold. She is tied down on what looks like a controlled bed. The black leather bent upwards so she is almost sitting, her knees that were raised covered her and lay limp to one side, her feet clamped to the bottom of the bed. Jack swallows unsure of what to do next. Other than the bed, there is only a cabinet to the side. Stainless steel and empty all but a clipboard and what looks like a pen. Jack slides out the chair, the gown he had been put in slipping down to his knees, similar to the one he wore to the funeral. He pushes the questions to the back of his mind.
She's alive.
Her golden chest rises and falls slowly, her eyes flutter, her lips swallow down the fear that her face tells him happened from the stains of tears that run down into her neck.
"Ka…" he begins. But closes his mouth imagining what she might do if she woke now. He looks behind the headboard and sees the chain wrapped around nothing but a hook in many twists.
"It's not hard Jack." Ben's voice echoes. Kate shifts, and Jack looks back from the mirrored wall to Kate to see her eyes wide and fearful as she seems him standing so closely beside her. Her breathing is fast, as she panics and realises she is naked, her chest rising and falling so fast Jack tears his eyes away from her.
"It's okay," he whispers to her, holding out his hand to steady her. But Ben's voice returns.
"You know what you have to do."
"Jack," Kate begs, her voice high and filled with tears, "Jack please…" she shudders aloud. He turns back to her, frowning gently, seeing her crane away from him on the bed. Her hands are shaking, the chains clang. She shakes her head, her hair wavers over her face.
"I…" Jack shakes looking back to the mirror, an exasperated look on his face. "I don't…" Jack trembles.
"Jack please…" Kate begs in the back of his mind. He looks back to find her legs straining to be free from the chains, so she can crawl up tight and scared away from him, and his staring sad eyes.
"Jack…fix it." Ben echoes. Arousing Jack's attention, Jack turns and walks firmly to the mirror. He stares into the glassy centre holding himself up.
"I don't know who you think you people are," Jack rumbles, powered by the murderous sound of Kate's whimpers coming from her limp figure. "But I fucking well know not to expect anything humane from you creatures." He steadies his breathing, the anger taking over for a moment and possessing him so much he felt he had the power to physically rip off the door and free them all himself. "Let her go." Jack whispers against the glass.
"I'm sorry Jack but…"
"I said fucking let her go!" he belts himself against the mirror, the noise bounding off the small walls enclosing them.
"Jack!" Kate screams in surprise. But he stares tightly into the glass, picture Ben's look of stubborn hatred. Jack imagined pinning him down on the ground again, his flimsy figure beneath his taught muscly legs. "I should have killed you when I had the chance."
"You're right Jack," the voice returned eventually, "perhaps you should have? But you can't live on regrets."
"Listen to me," Jack moaned, "let her go." He closes his eyes, trying to shut out her whimpers, was she in pain? Or the same agony that he was?
"Jack, we're done listening. Do, what you're here…to do."
"Then tell me what that is!"
For the first time since she had seen his lost face, she realised Jack was unaware of what he had to do. He turns towards her, his eyes glassy, his efforts for release showing in his face.
"Jack." She whispers, calmer than before. "The chart," she nods towards the small clipboard on her right. Jack's eyes flick over her body, she notices his face lingering and then tearing away to the chart. He thumped the glass once more, but turned away from those piercing eyes that they both were blind to but equally aware of. Jack slides the chart into his hands, his fingers tracing the edges of the paper carefully. He flicks up the white page to reveal the yellow and the pink one, all corresponding with one another.
"What does it say?" She whispers.
"You don't know?" she shakes her head.
"Do you?" she mumbles, her eyes scraping round to see Jack's reaction. He looks away from her too soon? Doesn't he? He looks afraid, perhaps even unhappy. Was that the look in his eye?
"Well…" Jack begins, sounding for the first time like they have returned to normality all of a sudden. "You're not pregnant." He notices how her head flops back against the bed and she rolls it back towards him a grim smile playing on her lips. Her eyes flicker away from his, embarrassed. Jack chokes on the last of his words, his voice springing from no where and disappearing. He shakes his head and turns away from her, sniffing back the cries.
"I don't know when it all…"
"Jack…" she mumbles back to him, soothingly. He hears her voice and revels in the way it makes him tremble. Even now. Even here. He shakes his head though, in disbelief at himself. How dare he feel sorry for himself now?
"Kate I…" he turns back to her, concentrates on staring into her beautiful dark eyes, the shadows lifting instantly. "I don't understand what I…"
"It's okay," she beckons, with her eyes especially. But she wasn't convincing him just to speak. She was gesturing for him to relax too. "Just tell me what it says. Please."
He draws in a deep long breath, the edges trembling thin and weary.
"It says…" he begins. "It says that you now belong to the Dhama initiative. That you are there's to use to benefit the improvements linked to the testing agencies of fertility enhancement. Is this your signature." Jack lowers the clipboard to Kate's face and looks away as she nods. But since the word 'testing', he realised she wouldn't see beyond the tears that were forming in her eyes, and that she was doing her best to hold back.
He tears her signature away from her face, sure it was hers from the shape of the neat letters of her name, and the squiggle of the pen at the end. Neat and precise, just like her entire wellbeing.
"I…"
"I know." Jack states slowly, completely aware she would have never signed that. Signed her life away so securely.
"I don't know what the fuck you think you people are playing at…" Jack marched back to the wall and stamps the clipboard against the glass.
"It's not a game Jack." The voice fills the air, eerie and dense, "it's life."
"Then what do you want from me? I can't fix something you have already claimed to be what…repaired?" The words pained him to say. He imagined her face creasing in a similar way his had.
"Fix her Jack." He imagines Ben's gaze falling to Kate as if she were the ray of sun he had always dreamed of. What he had taken from being around Alex for so long, something he took for granted.
Jack turned to see her frightened face.
"She's not broken." He swallowed and walked back to her bed. He scraped the clothing off himself, revealing his shades of golden skin, hidden beneath the gleaming white gown. He shrouded her in it and tucked it under her chin, careful not to touch her at all. She smiled comforted and inhaled his scent slowly. Lowering his gaze to her eyes he smiled softly.
"I'm gonna get you out of this. I promise."
"There's only one way that's going to happen Jack." Perched on the side of her bed, their bodies inches away they both look up into the white ceiling where the voice appeared to come from. "In my hand I am holding an exact replica of the form you are holding Dr. Shepherd. Except this one," there's a distant pause, "has your signature on it."
"In twenty four hours she will be tested…"
"She has a name Ben." Jack says into his hand.
"In twenty four hours," Ben repeats. "If she's not pregnant." He starts, his voice plain and simple, "she's of no further use to us." Sickened by the statement, Jack brings up his head to meet the mirrored wall, his eyes glaring into the darkness beyond. He swallows, holding back his fears trying to comfort Kate with a look of serenity. "We have deadlines too Doctor. If you weren't brought here to fight us, or protect us. You were brought here, simply for us to use."
"You really think I believe you'd…" Jack speaks to the voice, as if he can see the face of Ben and all his charisma.
"Don't tempt me Jack. I can't be more kind than I already am being. James and Claire are close by. Aaron and I are here waiting for you all," Jack stares at Kate, forgetting what had been said only moments ago, "together. We are getting along famously already."
"You have to do something…" Kate gasps, rubbing the cotton away from her neck. "We can offer them something…anything?"
"I already did Kate?" Jack motions, looking into his bare lap for answers. He notices the worn ends of his boxers, a mucky grey compared to the white they had once been. When did life get like this? And how had he not taken any notice of it? "I just don't " But her cries are filling the small room, deep tension filled sobs that fall from her lips like tiny earthquakes. Her body trembles and her face pours out her hearts content. Jack reaches out to hold her, but rears back, scared of their skin melting against one another.
She turns away from him anyway, embedding her face into her shoulder, her armpit so much so that the edge of Jack's smock fall away revealing part of her round slim breast. He looks away, blushing. He turns into his hand and grits his teeth in anger.
"I swear to God!" he swears, raising off the bed and spinning in the room, "what do you want!" he screams, his face crumbling, his veins searing up from underneath his skin. "What do you want…" he drowns in his own frustration kneeling to the floor, completely taken over by the extreme confusion and resentment.
"What do you think will happen to you…James…the others? When you leave here?" Kate wonders a small while afterwards. When her cries had subsided from passionate cries, to mere sobs and then again diminished into trembling tears. He had listened to her quieten down, turning to sit against the long leg of the bed, his head back his eyes closed, the silent air lulling him into a place that he once considered reality. The sand flees, the roaring sea at all hours, the constant buzz of people and their problems.
"I don't know…" he whispers back, considering himself for the first time. "I don't care," he smiles, shaking his head with despair.
"You're giving up?" she states, rolling her head back to the shape of the back of Jack's head. She notices how long his hair is now, the shape of it sitting around his head, still so clean and touchable. She longs to reach out and touch it now, cursing herself for not doing so when she had the chance.
"On myself, perhaps." Jack turns round on his knees, his arms flattening along the edge of the bed, his eyes peeling at her face, once again cautious not to intrude on her space. "I meant what I said earlier," he whispers like the biggest secret he had ever told, his jaw moving against his arm. "Which is why I'm not giving up on you yet."
Kate manages a warm smile. Her face lights up when he reassures her in a way that wouldn't make any sense to anyone else in the world, let alone on the island. He was sure though, that it had the impact he wanted it to have. He smiles back at her, softly.
"Jack," she says softly, her voice hoarse and sour from the crying. He blinks with understanding. "Touch my hand," he looks up instantly to her bound red wrists, her entwined fingers and then back to her face. They didn't have to speak. Their eyes hold on to one another as he reaches up slowly, his fingers flexing forwards to meet hers.
His fingers first, Jack slides them into the palm of her hand sending shivers along her nerve endings. Her long fingers expand from their tight position and float open a little wider as his smooth skin runs along hers. Growing in confidence, he slides his hand up against hers more fully, their fingers matching for a moment, in size and shape. His eyes focus on holding them together, careful not to jerk apart at any moment and break the undeniable bond. She holds her hand perfectly still for Jack to fit his into hers and then all too suddenly he breaks away.
Quizzically she watches as he dives behind the bed and gradually she feels the chain supporting her arms loosen. Her hands fall down into her lap suddenly as she realises they are no longer held up for her. She cracks her fingers, rolls her wrists and tries to pull out of the handcuffs, but they are still tightly sewn around her.
Sliding back to the floor beside her, Jack reaches down and takes her hands in his again.
"I promise I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Kate smiles down at their joining hands, and then slides her fingers between his properly, placing her other hand over his, locking them together more firmly now.
"I wish you could keep that promise Jack," she mouths, "but it's okay because I love you too."
"I've gotten pregnant before…" she says slowly, looking down into the joining of their hands. She watches her own fingers as she strokes his bold furry hand gently, slightly tickling the surface of his skin as he slept on the side of her bed. He turns his head in his arms to face her now, his eyes wide and sparkling as he let her speak. "I wasn't ready…" she says quietly, and then draws their eyes together. "Can you imagine me as a mother…" she laughs, spluttering with tears of emotional torture. Jack pushes himself up on his knees again, taking her hands more securely.
"When you're ready, you'll make a great mother Kate." He squeezes her hands more tightly.
They fall silent, smiles playing on their lips. Unspoken words lifting up in the air around them.
"You…you think they're watching us?" she whispers, her eyes touching the room above them.
"I think they'd have to be pretty sad to be sat watching us." Kate smiles and shifts carefully to the side as Jack climbs onto the bed beside her. He notices that she clings to his hands, refusing to let go. He complies, sitting first beside her and then slowly pushing out his legs in front of him, along side her beautiful tanned calves. He tears his eyes away back to her face where she smiles and then softly lowers her head to his shoulder, her eyes heavy and slow with each blink.
She sighs deeply, sounding calm for the first time. He holds her hands as strongly as he dares, just to reassure her a little more.
"If you don't do this Jack," she mutters, turning her lips into his skin. He hears her swallow the giant ball of fear rising in her throat. He felt it too, between them, rising from no where but threatening all the same. She watches as he bites his lower lip, his eyes fluttering anxiously, flicking out over the white lab room in front of him. White had never seemed so dirty in all his life.
"I wont do it Kate." He said surely, shaking his head for emphasis. He doesn't see her eyes close and tears escape, down her cheeks on a path of destruction.
"You have to…" she whispers, glad he was holding her hands, preventing them from shaking rigorously. She sniffs loudly, circling her eyes trying to will back the tears. She closes them, breathing in the scent of his bare skin, the soft warm flesh melting beneath her lips.
"Not like this." he says softly and turns into her head, sinking into the curls of her hair.
"Jack, please…" she moans, "if you don't…" she gags, "I don't want to die." His head falls back against the squishy bed. Their hands break as he tosses his face into them, to hide. "Jack," she says guiding her locked fingers to his face, tugging on him. "If we do this, if it works…"
"You'll die anyway," he explains harshly, shaking his head, his eyes welling yet again. The pain too real, the promise of destruction too close to bear.
Their eyes meet and Kate sinks her fingers into his in any which way she can. She clings to his scratched and bruised knuckles, she holds his cold palms against her own and gently she fingers the soft warm skin on the insides of his fingers. His gaze dips to watch her slim hands working against him. His breathing slows, his cries disappear and gently she nuzzles her head against his bare chest.
"But it might work Jack…" is all she says. It's all she knows she can say, crazy as it was, sure they are still watching with eager eyes. Noting down every word they spoke, every bit of working out they did. She bites her lip gently, praying that Jack understood what she was trying to say. At least this way, it would buy them some time…
"Kate, I…" Jack roams her covered figure, from the edge of her hairline to the tips of her round toes. "You're tied to a bed in chains," he choked, "I could never…" he shakes his head in disbelief.
"Is this not how you imagined it?" she laughs lightly, her body kicking in and providing her with relief, her mind almost blocking out the reality. Jack laughed, sadness evident in his face as he watched her make light of the situation that was worse than he could have ever imagined it to be when he picked up that phone. Perhaps it would have been better if John had just shot him there and then? Better for her at least. He smiles staring into her beautiful face.
"Tell me Jack," Kate whispered, turning her face against his body again and kissing one tiny area on his shoulder. Her tongue moves back into her mouth and her lips click away leaving a shiny clear stain where she had been. "Tell me how you imagined it Jack." She mutters so quietly, he considers that he hadn't heard her at all, that all of this was a trick of the mind. He opens his mouth to speak, but swallows the words quickly away again.
"Close your eyes Kate," Jack pushes to her delicately, his words trickling against her forehead. She looks at his cautiously. "It's okay," he promises, "I'm not going to do, or go anywhere. Just…" he beckons them closed with a smile peeping in his eyes.
He watches as her lids fall shut, and flicker for a moment intensely. Staring down into her face, he blocks out the rest of the world, aware he was never good at this sort of thing back home, let alone here. He lowers himself on the bed beside her, his head meeting hers, centimetres away from her, as if watching her sleep beside him. His eyes roam her silent face, her peachy eyelids, the dark flick of her eyelashes so circular and full. He longed to reach out and run his fingers down the edge of her nose and into her full round lips. He licks his lips so slowly, he is sure they are dry again before he finishes.
"That day you kissed me Kate," she flinches as he pulls a hand free and slides it loosely down the side of her face. "Was the day I realised I would never be able to go on living my life without you." She smiles from behind her eyes slowly, her lips stretching. Jack melts inside, his eyes sliding upwards in sadness as he sees her face a picture of ease and beauty. "No one has ever kissed me like that. And …and it made me feel so…"
"Kiss me Jack." Her eyes bound open, the hurt filling them, panic flooding her face quickly when she opens her eyes to the world they were in. The deadly room they are trapped in.
"Kate I…"
"Kiss me."
"But I love you." He bargains uselessly.
"Which is why," she says lifting her head silently closer, "I trust you to do this, to do this, to make the right decision and help us in the only way that you can."
"You trust me…" he repeats slowly, searching her eyes.
"I always have, haven't I?" Jack nods.
She lowers her eyes down into his body. Her face delighting in the figure before her, the future he had just spoken of.
"Touch me Jack." She whispers shivering.
Well - that's it so far!! Going to post Chapter 2 .. right now!!
Please review !! pleaseplease!! .. and go read chapter 2 im a poet!
