Chapter 1
All mistakes are my own however the characters are not. I am admittedly Scottish , so if there are any words which you don't understand- 'Google it'. I hope there is no issues with me using the word 'Mum' instead of 'Mom' as it felt wrong for me to change the spelling. Hope you enjoy this story, reviews are welcome!
They say you shouldn't trust anyone. What happens when you can't even trust yourself? Deep down I know I am not capable of it but I can't deny I don't have the urge to end it all right now, right here in this filthy bathroom. I am indifferent to dying. If I were to die I would be ok with that. There is nothing keeping me here. I doubt anyone would even notice I was gone but I have responsibilities that I can't run away from, so here I am applying makeup to my gaunt checks and under my sunken eyes. The makeup allows me to become someone better, someone who isn't exhausted and grieving. My long, narrow fingers smear the pale foundation over my shallow cheeks leaving my arms aching from the action, the tiredness has taken over my muscles and my whole body groans under any activity. I apply moisturiser to my cracked lips which have been worn down by my teeth constantly worrying at them. I look up at my reflection in the cracked mirror and hate who I have become, I don't know how I have let this carry on for so long. I run a brush through my brown straggly hair but there is only so much I can do to tame the mess which falls bellow my waist. The electricity bill was not paid so I will have to wait until next Wednesday before the greasy tendrils can be washed. It has become somewhat of my morning ritual and I can't help but feel that this is going to be a permanent routine, leaving a sinking feeling in my stomach.
I walk through to my plain bedroom and audibly sigh at the cluttered mess which seems to have exploded from my wardrobe. Although I don't have much of a social life I still like to look decent and my extremely thin figure makes it very difficult to get clothes which fit properly and the majority of my old clothes are far too big, often leaving me feeling suffocated by the extra fabric. As a result, part of my morning ritual results in rifling through my closet every morning looking for clothes which might make me look half decent. Today I had managed to find an old pair of grey tattered jeans which cling to my stick like legs perfectly and a dark green top which is baggy around my stomach but compliments my hazel, green eyes.
I straighten up my light blue quilt and open the curtains which are only half mast before picking up my brush again and trying to style my hair slightly better. The brush gets stuck in my hair as I try to pull it into a pony tail and I spend a couple of minutes trying to ease the brush out of my hair. In the end I have to use force to untangle the brush leaving my scalp feeling sore and tender. Instead of tying my hair back I settle for a couple of bobby pins to pin back the front strands of my hair.
I pick up my dark blue bag pack as I walk through the corridor towards the living room , picking up empty beer bottles as I go. The bare, dirty walls do nothing to make this house feel homely but it is the scattered bottles which make bile rise up my throat and my palms sweat. Dad must have made his way back to the house last night, the fallen photo frames evidence of his alcohol enraged anger. I set my bag back down and make my way towards his bedroom door where the stench of alcohol and vomit seeps through the crack. My heart stammers as I let the door swing open to reveal the sight of my dad passed out, facedown on his bed. His wispy grey hair stands in all directions and the stubble on his face has grown longer than when I saw him a couple of days ago. I creep towards the bed and close my eyes, willing the tears to disappear. I am quick to collect the three beer bottles which surround his bed and retrieve the whiskey bottle which he is clutching in his hand, as if it is a life line. I notice the dark stain on the carpet which I can only assume is the alcohol which was vomited back up. I cringe at the rancid smell and decide it can wait until after school. It is the first day back after the summer holidays, the last thing I need is rumours going around. I quickly make my way out of the room quietly shutting the door behind me being careful not to wake him up.
My old converses squeak on the wood flooring as I walk through a puddle of spilt beer. It takes all of my strength to not scream at the top of my lungs, instead I clench my fists and take a deep breath. I grab the cloth from the sink giving it a quick rinse before getting on my hands and knees to clean up his mess. Deciding that the floor is clean enough I quickly deposit the empty beer bottles in the bin and grab my back pack. It takes three hard shoves to finally get the old door to burst open sending me stumbling down the steps and onto the gravel path. I take in a depth breath letting my lungs fill with clean air and I take a moment to appreciate my surroundings. The benefit of living out in the countryside means I don't have to worry about neighbours finding out about my dads habits however it also means a twenty minute walk to school which quite often results in me showing up late much to the disappointment of my teachers.
I look at my watch and sigh as I reach the end of the track, there is only five minutes to the bell and I am still a good 15 minutes away. I start walking quicker now, getting in trouble at school is a much better alternative than returning home. Tears prick at my eyes and I am quick to wipe them away. This is not the time to be feeling sorry for my miserable life so I move my shoulders back and lift my head up. 'Get a grip' I tell myself.
The thickening air and the sound of cars in the distance tells me I am nearing the town, where the grand school building rises out of the ground like it was made by god. As I approach the school I notice large black gates blocking me from the entrance of the school. I let my eyes roll at the grand, ornate details sculpted into the metal, well this is definitely new and completely ridiculous. The smirk falls off my face as I realise the gate is locked and I have no way to get in. my eyes fall upon the plaque to the left of the gate reading 'All late comers must report to school office' I swear under my breath and let my eyes fall shut. I know I am in trouble, I have been late too many times now and the principle can not wait to see the back of me. It's not that I like the school, in fact I hate it. But this school was definitely not cheap and I know how much trouble my mum went to getting me in to this prestigious school. I hate to think of how disappointed she would be if she were still alive.
The heavy breathing coming behind me interrupts my thoughts and has me spinning around to investigate. Running up the pavement towards the gates is a tall, lean boy who looks to be about my age. His short brown hair suits him perfectly and his angular nose looks like it has been formed by a sculptor. I feel my cheeks flush as he catches me checking him out and I notice the way he straightens his back and lifts his chin as if he is trying his best to look attractive. I small smile spreads across my face as he gives me a small wink and it's when I notice that he is flexing his arm muscles that I let a small giggle escape from my lips. As he gets closer to me I see his footing waver and his face fall as he notices the large gate for the first time.
"Well this is embarrassing" I hear him mutter under his breath and I am glad to see that I am not the only one who is blushing. He turns to face me and I am taken aback by his piercing blue eyes which hold so much kindness that it makes me want to take a step back. He seems to analyse my face before he offers his hand.
"Rick, well I'm actually Richard but my friends call me Rick, we can be friends right? Cause I mean you're really pretty and I didn't mean for that to sound like I was hitting on you but I thought maybe you would want to hang around with me or something, maybe get something for lunch, I mean you don't have to" he stops his ramblings when he notices I am smiling
"Kate, and I would love to get lunch with you" I am surprised by how confident my voice sounds and my heart flutters as I notice the smile which has made it's way onto Ricks face. I think it is sweet how nervous he is and I am grateful to him for making this day worthwhile, it seems like the first time I have properly smiled in months. Rick makes a sigh of relief and his shoulders seem to relax as some of the nervousness disappears.
"It's good to know I'm not the only one who's late" he jokes with a goofy smile on his face and I think I like him more if that is even possible.
"Yeah, they are pretty strict about being late. Are you new? cause I don't think I have seen you around" I ask curiously, I am sure I would remember having seen those eyes.
"Yup, first day. My mum will be mad if she finds out I am late" he says with a grimace.
"You know we could always skip morning classes." I blurt out and I am not to sure what has come over me. I am a straight A student for god's sake! But my worries fade as I see the grin on Rick's face.
"I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner" he replies. I quickly look down at my shoes as I feel the red run into my checks once again.
"There is a great coffee shop down the street if you want to stop there" I nearly whisper.
"What are we waiting for, lead the way" I am grateful to him for stepping up, I am terrible at interacting especially when there is a super good looking guy involved.
"So, are you from around here?" he asks as we walk down the pavement which moments ago he was running along.
"About a mile out of the town, you?" I don't give him any specific details because I definitely don't need Rick showing up on my doorstep, he would probably run a mile.
"On the outskirts, we moved from the city. Mum wanted somewhere quieter but this town kinda takes the biscuit. There is nothing to do!" his eyebrows rise high on his head as he talks and I swear my heart is doing summersaults. I suddenly become very self-conscious and wish I had applied more make up this morning. Sunken checks is definitely not in style at the moment and I am sure the dark circles under my eyes just scream unattractive. I notice that Rick is still speaking, completely unaware of my thoughts.
"-bowling not even a cinema, there is a park but even that lacks anything special. I mean how do you keep yourself busy?" he turns to look at me as he asks the question.
"Emm, well you could go on a walk or build a hut. Oh god, you must think I am crazy, forget about the hut that's really stupid-" I am cut of by his boisterous laugh.
"Don't be ridiculous, that is an amazing idea. I am willing to build a hut if you promise to build it with me." he almost pleads with me and I swear those big blue eyes could be used as a weapon.
"I am not entirely sure if you are being serious or not." does Rick seriously want to build a hut with me? This is insane!
"Of course I am being serious, as long as I am doing it with you then I don't mind" he says it with such conviction that it even has me smiling.
"Well ok then." I laugh
"It's a done deal. There is no way you are getting out of it. I need to build this hut. My sanity depends on it" he says it with so much seriousness that I can't help but laugh and it's not soon before we are both laughing along with each other.
As we reach the coffee shop I can't help but admire the way his arm muscles move beneath his t-shirt as he opens the door for me although he seems to be completely unaware of my lustful gaze. I quickly pick a table and let my bag fall to the floor with a soft thump. When I look up I notice he has situated himself at the opposite side of the table and seems to be staring at my face. He realises he has been caught staring and quickly looks down in shame.
"Sorry, it's just your eyes are stunning. They are green but they have flecks of gold when they catch the sun. That sounds really corny but it's true." this time he doesn't shy away from me but says it with true conviction. I can tell my face is beet red and there is no way he doesn't notice it.
"Thanks, I suppose" I whisper timidly and I am so glad when he changes the subject.
"What would you like. And it is on me before you argue." he gives me a sweat smile before giving me wink which I am sure has turned many girls into puddles on the floor. I like to think I have more tact than that but the way my heart swells in my chest would suggest otherwise.
"Hot chocolate, please. Oh and since your paying, cream and marshmallows" I don't know where all this confidence is coming from but it is refreshing and I am enjoying the attention too much to stop. A brief smirk appears on his face before he bends down into a bow.
"Of course, m'lady" he says with dramatic flare before disappearing behind me to order our drinks.
