This is my first Two and A Half Men fanfic. This takes place while Charlie was alive (so no Walden) and while Jake was a little boy. This is also a self insert fanfic. Read and review.

It was a Saturday morning in the Harper household. Jake was enjoying a bowl of cereal while Alan was eating some toast while waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. Charlie came into the kitchen looking completely out of it.

"Another drunken escapade?" Alan said with an amused tone.

Charlie paid no attention and grabbed Alan's coffee.

"Um, excuse me? That's my coffee," Alan said, less than amused.

"Boo-hoo, cry me a river!" Charlie snapped. Alan turned to Jake.

"So I talked to your mom last night," Alan says.

"About what?" Jake asked, with a slightly panicked tone in his voice.

"Woah, don't worry, it's nothing bad. You see, one of your mother's friends has a daughter in high school who would like to tutor you," Alan explained.

Suddenly Berta walked into the kitchen from the garage.

"What's going on here?" Berta asked.

"One of Judith's friends has a daughter who has volunteered to tutor Jake," Alan explained.

Berta suddenly turned to Charlie.

"Hey, Casanova, you'd better keep your pants on," Berta said.

Charlie raised his eyebrows and held his arms up defensively.

"Why do you automatically assume…" Charlie begins.

"For your information," Alan intervenes, "she is only 18 and can't even drive yet."

"I personally don't see any point in hiring a tutor. We all know I'm not going anywhere," Jake protests.

"Come on, just give her a try. She starts tomorrow," Alan said.

"And I will (air quotes) keep my pants on," Charlie says.

"You'd better!" Alan, Jake, and Berta said in unison.