What if

A/N I do not own any Downton Abbey character. Only James is mine. This is my first ever fanfiction. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Chapter 1

Do you know this particular feeling? Knowing that you have absolutely no control over your life anymore, none at all. And you don't know what to do to make people see you. To make them listen to you. Well that's exactly how Mary Crawley has been feeling for a while now. And she doesn't know how to make it stop. In fact, she realized that she has been feeling like this for years. She simply had the bad luck to be born a girl. What a shame.

It's when her parents told her she would have to marry Patrick, her cousin and heir of the estate that she truly felt like that for the first time. That was 6 years ago. Since then, lots of things had change. Patrick had died in this horrible tragedy. And back then she thought, if only for a second that maybe she would be able to choose her future husband this time around. After all, she never loved Patrick and she's quite certain that he never had any romantic feelings towards her either. What if she could find someone who cared about her? But like we said, this thought crossed Mary's mind for only a second.

What does she know about love anyway? No man never truly had the chance to court her, or approach her in fact. She had always been promised to her father's heir. Just like she was now. But what was love compared to the possibility of spending her life at Downton, in her home, of being a Countess? She honestly wasn't convinced that loosing everything that should rightfully be hers (no matter what the laws said) for some silly feelings that she didn't even understand was worth it. So when her father had found the new heir only a few weeks after the announcement of Patrick's death, she knew even before her mother talked to her about it, that he would propose at some point and that she would say yes. And now, now she regretted it.


They were all in the drawing room at Downton. Today had been exhausting to say the least. So many guests were here for granny's 80th birthday. And things, let's say that things didn't go really well for Mary. She was repelled and angry. At her very own fiancée. There's something you should know about James Crawley. He is a charmer and women love him…very much.


Earlier that night, right before going into the dining room, her father realized that James was missing.

"Mary, do you know where's James?" asked her father.

"I don't. But I don't know why you seem so surprised. I actually don't remember the last time he was on time for dinner!" She said annoyed. And it was true. James wasn't the best example of punctuality.

"Don't be too harsh on him, darling. He has lots of things to think about these days. Learning how to run the estate is not an easy task." Mary rolled her eyes. How difficult could it be really? "Please go, and try to find him."

"But Papa…"

"Mary, we don't want to keep the guests waiting do we?"

So Mary went outside. Walked a bit, looking around. He was nowhere in sight. She told herself that she would wait five more minutes than go back inside. After all she would not let him ruin her evening.

But then she heard some laughs coming from the big oak tree, about twenty meters away. She walked to it, determined to know what was going on behind there. And then she saw him. Kissing this other woman, with his hands under her skirts. Mary gasped, shock written on her face. Though later she would ask herself why she had been surprised. She should have seen it coming.

They heard her inhaling sharply so they both turned their head towards her. The blond woman looked slightly embarrassed, but not much really.

"What are you doing outside Mary?" Asked James looking irritated that she interrupted their little game.

Recomposing herself quickly she raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Am I not aloud outside of my own house?" His cockiness was irritating her more than ever before. And that's saying something. And that girl, just standing there with her mouth open. Mary was furious. "And I should be the one asking to questions here!"

"Lydia, darling, please go back inside." Without saying a word, the woman gave one last look in James and Mary's direction before walking towards the house.

"So? Explain yourself." She said that rather calmly despite the turmoil inside of her.

"There's nothing to explain my darling."

"Don't call me darling!"

"Well then. I think you know exactly what you just saw. And I hope you know that you should keep it to yourself." He said, looking so sure of himself.

"Or what? Are you threatening me James?" She knew he could. If he felt threatened.

"Oh! Absolutely not. The cold and careful Lady Mary Crawley is intelligent enough to know when to hold her tongue. If it means that she'll keep her precious Downton."

"I dare you…"

"Please, Mary" He cut her off. "You're not as pretty when you're upset." He took a step forward and another, closing the gap between them. He was so close now. She could feel his breath on her face. And she hated it. All of this. Him. "Mary, don't get me wrong. You're a beautiful woman." His gaze on her was the one of, of a predator. "Way more beautiful than that silly girl. But you never let me touch you. Maybe when we're married, if you're satisfying enough, then maybe I'll stop seeing other women."

This was enough. She pushed him away from her. No man should talk to a lady like that. Not to any women, ever.

"Don't you ever say such things to me again or I'll, I'll…"

"What will you do? Tell me. Downton is mine, with or without you. But you on the contrary are nothing without me. No money, no title, no nothing." He had a little satisfied smile on her face now. He knew he was right.

"I'm perfectly capable of finding a husband on my own if I want to! And…" She tried to fight back. But James took her wrist in his hand and squeezed.

"But you won't. If you even try, I'll close all the doors of London in your face Mary."

She was trapped. She knew he would do it. Knew he was powerful enough to do something like that and she knew for sure that he wouldn't hesitate to do so. Even her father wouldn't be able to protect her from that. So she held her head high, freed her arm from his grasp, turned around and started walking in direction of the house.


Mary could marry for duty. She always, or almost always, thought she would do so. She wouldn't be the first one. But she couldn't bear being an object of ridicule. Because people would notice in the long run, they would talk; they would know what he's doing. All those women would know! And she couldn't let that happen. But honestly, what could she do? She needed some time to think.

"Anna, I'd like to go for a ride tomorrow. As early as possible."

"I'll prepare all your riding gear then milady." Anna responded with a smile.

"Thank you Anna. I really need to escape this house. If only for a little while."

"Is everything alright milady?" She was well aware that Lady Mary's life wasn't as pleasant as it used to be in this house. Not since James came along.

Mary smiled gently at Anna. "Yes of course, why wouldn't it be?"


When she woke up the next morning, Mary got up quickly and got ready. She wanted to be out before anybody could see her leave the house. She was in no mood to explain why she needed some time to herself. Because yes, in this house, you needed to justify your every moves, until you married.

Riding with Diamond was so liberating. She could feel the fresh morning air on her face, in her hair. She let out a little content sigh escape her lips. She felt free for once. And it was good.

She rode like that for a long time. Loosing herself deep in thoughts. She went farther away than she should have. She knew it, but honestly she couldn't care less. Until she felt a drop on her nose and then heard a loud stroke of thunder. Diamond hates thunderstorms and she knows it. Right on cue the horse started to fuss as it started to rain more heavily.

She rode a little bit, pushing Diamond to go faster. But lightning started to tear the sky and she knew that she should find somewhere to hide and wait for the storm to pass.

There was a little cottage just before the forest. It looked like the perfect shelter. Calming Diamond she walked at the back of the cottage. She was happy to see that there was a big shed where Diamond would be sheltered from the rain. Once she was confident that her horse was well settled, she walked to the front door of the house, and knocked.

When the door opened, she found herself face to face with a tall man with blond hair and piercing blue eyes.

TBC