CatB: Enjoy this lovely little PotC oneshot! It's a humorous little thing that came to mind ages ago...
Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. I do own a pirate, though.../shifty eyes
Jack Sparrow was sulking. "How dare they not invite me, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" He swayed drunkenly before continuing. "They should be grateful I even want to come to their stupid bloody wedding. All those drinks…and Elizabeth, in a dress…" His eyes began to glaze over, the he let out a huge sigh and his eyes became focused once more. "Pity they didn't invite me, really. They could've saved themselves a lot of bother. Mr. Gibbs!"
Gibbs hurried over. "Aye, Captain?"
"We've a need to stop in at Port Royal," Jack told him, grinning.
"By Port Royal, do you mean-"
"Elizabeth's marriage to the eunuch? What else could I possibly be talking about?" Jack replied, taking another swig of rum.
It was Gibbs' turn to smile. "I do love weddings."
"So do I, Mr. Gibbs. So do I."
Will and Elizabeth stood before a small congregation and a priest.
"Oh, Will," Elizabeth whispered. "I can't believe we're getting married at last! I've wanted this for so long."
"I have as well, my love," Will responded, kissing her forehead. He pulled away, smiled, and tenderly clasped his bride-to-be's hands in his own before nodding at the priest to begin the ceremony.
The priest obliged. "My dear friends, we are gathered here today…"
Jack hummed as he made his way up the docks of Port Royal. Gibbs followed close behind, with the odd assortment of men that made up the Pearl's crew bringing up the rear. Jack stopped suddenly and turned to face his men.
"Alright, you mangy dogs, here's the plan." He paused for dramatic effect. The crew members edged closer, no doubt expecting an elaborate scheme.
When he didn't say anything, Gibbs cleared his throat. "Uh, Jack? What be the plan?"
Jack looked surprised. "Plan? There isn't one, mate."
"If anyone has any objections to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their-"
"I've got one, actually."
Everyone turned to stare at the strange man who had made the objection, including Will and Elizabeth.
Will rolled his eyes and said loudly, "Jack. Great timing, as usual."
"Wasn't it?" Jack looked pleased.
"Jack, we're in the middle of our wedding!" Elizabeth cried. "What objections could you possibly have to this?"
Jack looked at her for a long moment. "It never would have worked out between us, luv," he said with a hiccup, "but there's no way Old Jack is gonna let you marry this," he waved his arms wildly as he searched for the word, "eunuch."
A few women gasped at this, and Governor Swann looked rather nauseated.
"And so," Jack continued, facing the stunned crowd, "today is the day you will always remember as the day that you almost married William Turner and Elizabeth Swann!"
CatB: Sorry for the abrupt ending, but I couldn't figure out another way to finish it off without it being long and messy...and I wanted it to just be a one-shot. Suggestions are appreciated! Please review, it makes my day. :)
