A Better Man
By MRM
A Post ep for Drought Conditions.
Rated G
Disclaimer: I have no desire to take credit for these wonderful characters, only have fun with them in the lovely art of fan fiction. Also the song is by James Morrison.
A/N Thanks to the J/D West Wing fan fiction community for allowing me, a newbie, to share my post episode thoughts. A BIG thanks to Flow and Jeanne for their help and encouragement.
Feedback: is like my favorite Starbucks beverage warm, chocolate, caramel goodness!
Josh felt a her slim alabaster hand pull him from the hallway into a closet, the very same one he had been in with Donna earlier and found himself once again face to face with her.
"We have to stop meeting like this," Josh quipped smirking as he ran his hand along her arm.
"Resorting to clichés? Really Joshua," Donna retorted shaking her head and reaching up to smack the back of Josh's head.
"Ow! Donna, what the hell?" Josh queried as he rubbed the offended area.
"His brother just died you idiot, what were you thinking?" she asked sternly.
"He started it," Josh whined moving away from her quick backhand.
"Puhleeze! Are you a juvenile?" she inquired placing her hands on her hips while tapping her toe. Josh thought she looked so much like his mother at that moment that he smiled imagining her as the mother of their children. "Wipe that smirk off your face and tell me what you did."
"Really I don't have to explain this to you." Josh made a move to grab the door handle but Donna grabbed his hand and held it firmly in hers.
"Josh, he lost one brother, he doesn't need to lose another," Donna stated softly pleading with her eyes for Josh to talk with her. "What happened?" When she saw his shoulders relax and felt the tension leave his hand she knew he was going to respond.
Truth be told Donna wasn't shocked at the fight the two had, just that it hadn't happened sooner. She was sure Toby felt abandoned when Josh left and would find something to take out on Josh. Plus she heard about Josh's inability to get in to the White House today which resorted in him having to beg Margaret to let him in and she knew Josh was already feeling rejected by his family and his ego was wounded--not a good combination for Josh.
Josh watched in Donna's eyes the silent conversation she was having with herself. He knew she had him.
"We're both having a bad day Donna," Josh admitted hoping that she wouldn't push any farther.
"Well his is worse and you should have been the shoulder he needed," Donna chastised gently.
"I know Donna and I tried but he just verbally attacked me," Josh sighed. "Maybe he just needed a good punching bag. You know…release the tension a bit. God knows we're all used to being in that position," Josh exhaled grating his fingers along his scalp and then dropping his free hand at his side still not releasing his grip on hers with the other one.
"You need to apologize," Donna instructed him looking deeply in his emotion-filled brown eyes.
"I know Donna just not today, okay," Josh replied. "CJ and Leo have both talked to him and I will before I leave DC."
"Promise?" Donna asked smiling.
"Please, when can I get anything over on you?" Josh asked sheepishly.
"Not often but you have in the past, so promise me," Donna stated holding up her pinky.
"Pinky swear, who's being juvenile now?" Josh scoffed looking away from her hand, very aware that their other hands were still clasped together.
"Josh," Donna sighed, pouting a bit.
"Fine," Josh relented and wrapped the pinky on his free hand around hers.
Donna slowed as she neared Toby's office door. They had a special relationship these two. He told her when Josh was shot, he was the one who told her about the President's MS and he was there for her like a big brother. Now she wanted to be there for him. She knocked and entered when she heard his soft voice telling her to come in.
"Donna," Toby said surprise evident in his voice. "Don't tell me you still do his apologies."
"No, although I did rip him a new one when I heard what happened," Donna smirked at the slight smile on Toby's face.
"It's good to know some things haven't changed," Toby admitted chuckling.
"Actually Toby I came by to give you this," Donna stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him and she heard him sigh as he leaned into her embrace. "I'm sorry about your brother Toby. I'm sorry about Josh too. He misses you terribly you know."
"Yeah, whatever," Toby remarked releasing her and moving away towards his desk. "The whole thing with Josh and me was stupid," he admitted and then looked up to see her worried face. "It'll be fine Donna," Toby assured her. "We'll work it out." The phone rang and Donna left knowing the call from Sam would do wonders for her grieving friend.
Donna gasped when she saw Cliff Calley enter the room escorted by Annabeth. She cast a glance toward Josh and found his chocolate brown eyes staring back at her. He nodded his head toward Cliff and Donna turned and saw the man in question speaking with CJ. She looked back over at Josh and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "I don't know." They tore their gazes from each other and Donna's mouth dropped when she saw the man who nearly tore Josh and her apart speaking with the President.
She returned her gaze to Josh and studied him watching the President and Cliff speaking. She could see Josh clenching and unclenching his teeth and knew he was seething. She excused herself from the people she was standing with, found CJ and exchanged a few words before moving towards him. She pinched his side as she went by and he followed her a few seconds after she exited the ballroom. Searching the lobby he found her sitting in a hidden corner.
"What is he doing here?" Josh spat out, anger coloring his features.
"Joshua, sit down," Donna instructed him quietly as she entwined her fingers in his pulling him to a seated position next to her. "Josh, I'm going to tell you something you are NOT going to like but I need you to not be, you know, you," Donna continued to speak in a quiet, calm voice hoping it would make saying the next words easier to hear. She watched as Josh closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.
"Okay," he drew the word out as he exhaled.
"They're offering Cliff the Deputy Chief of Staff position," Donna was amazed at how even her voice sounded considering the thundering of heart. Josh sat back, clenching her hand in his.
"He won't take it," Josh said shaking his head.
"CJ's not giving him a choice," Donna told him placing her hand on top of their still joined ones. "Josh do you think," Donna started the worry evident in her voice.
"He won't say anything Donna, I've still got the copies and he knows that," Josh stated cutting off her worries, squeezing her hand seeing her relax at his words. They both looked down at their joined hands as the memories of a lie and a cold bench ran through their minds. Hearing Toby's voice they both looked over at the man heading towards the bar.
"Josh you should go talk to him," Donna suggested as she saw Josh cover the hurt from Toby's and his earlier encounter. "Do it, tonight, so it's not there between you," she added hoping to prod him from his seat. Josh looked toward the entrance to the bar in time to see Ricky Rafferty enter.
"Just great," Josh bit out leaning back against his seat.
"Now Josh I know for a fact he's pulling out of that situation," Donna admitted. "I'm sure he's telling her."
"Well aren't you just the font of information tonight," Josh retorted humorlessly shaking his head and removing his hand from hers. "Meanwhile I've got to beg to get into the building," he added as he stood and began to pace. "What am I doing here, I need to be with my candidate," he stated and looked toward the ballroom. Her hand on his arm stopped him and he looked into her pools of blue eyes. His heart slowed, his anger dissipated and his face softened.
"Fine," he grumbled and headed toward the bar.
"Some things never change do they Donna," Will commented as he stepped up beside her chair noticing she still had her eyes on Josh who was standing at the entrance to the hotel's bar.
"Don't worry Will I'm not sharing campaign secrets," Donna sighed and stood.
"I know you wouldn't," Will replied motioning for her to sit as he took the chair Josh just emptied. "I'm tired of having the same conversation in there. I need a break," he admitted. "He and Toby making up?" Will asked nodding toward the bar.
"I hope so," Donna replied never taking her eyes from the entrance to the bar noticing that Josh was no longer waiting.
Josh stood at the edge of the room watching Toby speak quietly with Ricki Rafferty. The anger he felt before tried to rear its ugly head again. Josh clenched his hands, shaking them slightly and breathed in deeply hoping to release the tension that coiled around in his gut. His love for his brother, Toby, was deeper than the betrayal he felt from him still he couldn't believe Toby wasn't on his side.
Stepping into the room after the Senator left, he slid in beside his friend at the bar and noticed the glasses on Toby's face.
"I thought David was the one who wore glasses," Josh stated quietly looking briefly at the man next to him and then up at the bartender asking for a beer. He lifted his gaze to Toby who wore a slight smile as he removed the specs and set them on the bar.
"When Donna left I knew you weren't far behind," Toby admitted softly.
"Yeah, that and this administration pushing me out the door, it was quite clear it was my turn to go," Josh explained sniffing and then reaching for his beer.
"What are you saying?" Toby inquired really looking at his friend for the first time in a long time.
"Toby you were deciding the voice, the policy for this administration, CJ was Chief of Staff and Leo was advising the President as well. Where did that leave me?" Josh paused and took a gulp of his beer. "Look Toby we are the party now, we needed to think about the next administration and Ricki Rafferty isn't it."
"I know," Toby admitted at nearly a whisper. Josh knowing he'd gotten his apology from Toby let it drop and took another swig from his beer.
"I'm sorry Toby, really, I don't want to fight. I need you," Josh told his friend laying a hand on Toby's arm.
"I'll do whatever I can from where I sit Josh, but I'm not leaving," Toby said taking a sip of his scotch before grabbing the glasses again.
"Ah 'kay," Josh paused for a moment reaching over and grabbing the bowl of nuts that was further down the counter, looked at them and then shook his head. "I'm starving, wanna get something to eat?"
"Yeah let's go," Toby stood and threw money on the bar for the drinks stopping Josh from reaching for his wallet with a look. Both men turned and headed for the door. They paused briefly when they saw Donna and asked if she wanted to join them and said their goodbyes when she declined.
Josh halted his hurried steps a few feet from his townhouse to a sight that was so familiar to him it immediately caused an ache in his chest and he gasped. Donna was sitting on his front stoop, wrapped in her warm long coat, scarf and incredibly cute pink hat. Her head was bowed and she hadn't noticed him yet. He couldn't believe she was here yet knew she would be at the same time. No matter how far apart they were, they were still connected.
"Josh," Donna said softly hoping that her here on the steps outside his building after he had an exceptionally hard day was still okay. She stood, wrapping her arms around herself defensively and turned to face him as he walked toward her.
"Hey," Josh greeted her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Come on, I'm sure you're freezing," he added softly as he guided her up the steps releasing her briefly to unlock the door and hold it open for her to enter.
"How'd it go with Toby?" she asked as she removed her coat, hat and scarf hanging them on the coat rack in the corner. She was immediately struck with the familiarity of it and didn't realize Josh was answering her.
"Donna?" Josh called her jarring her from her trance and she turned towards him. "You want something to drink?" he asked heading into the kitchen. "I'm not sure if I have anything, you know being out of town so much," he searched his fridge and then looked in the cabinets pulling a box of tea from the shelf. He grabbed the teakettle, filled it and set it to heat on the stove.
"So how did it go with Toby, I wasn't paying attention," Donna admitted a sheepishly.
"I noticed," he chuckled as he reached into the cabinets for the mugs they always used when having tea. Donna smiled at him seeing he remembered. "You were right, Toby backed out of his thing with Ricki but she's staying in it until after South Carolina. Damn spoiler is what she is messing with my little candidate that could," Josh feigned being angry but Donna knew he was relieved to have his conversation with Toby.
"I have a feeling about Matt Santos, Joshua," Donna replied coyly. "He's more than the little candidate that could."
"Don't I know it Donnatella!" Josh exclaimed as the teapot whistled. He poured them tea, handed her a mug and headed toward the living room taking a seat on the couch. "Donna?" Josh again noticed she faded off on him. "You okay?" Donna shook her head of all the memories assaulting her senses as she stood in Josh's home.
"So many memories here Josh," Donna stated softly as she stood on the cusp of the two rooms. Josh could see tears brimming on her lashes.
"Donna," Josh sighed setting his mug on the table, standing and then moving in front of her. "Please don't cry, you know I don't know what to do when you cry," Josh whispered as he reached up, tucked a stray blonde strand behind her ear, took her tea from her hand, placed it on the dining room table and then wrapped his arms around her.
"Oh I think you're doing a great job right now Joshua," Donna admitted sniffling and tucking her head in the crook of his neck inhaling his "Josh" scent. "But I'm not sure how you can be this way when I..." her words trailed off as she felt him stiffen.
"Come on, come sit down," Josh released her and slid his hand to her lower back guiding her to his couch grabbing her tea from the table and handing it back to her. Donna wrapped her cold, shaking hands around the warm mug keeping her eyes lowered until they cleared of the fear and tears she knew were there.
"Donna, I'm not angry with you," he told her. Lifting her head, she gave him a wary look. "Okay, not anymore. I was incredibly hurt, though and I think I'm still feeling some of that."
"You should Josh, and I'm sorry for the way I left, but not that I left," Donna confessed noticing the hurt appear on his face. "I had to leave Josh," she stated softly. "After Gaza, I couldn't keep on with the same old thing with us."
"After Gaza I thought you knew I didn't want to go back to the same," Josh retorted. They sat reflecting on their statements. "You know you said something before you left me and I wanted to set you straight about it," Josh said looking down at the tea mug in his hand and then setting it on the coffee table.
"What was that?" Donna inquired, running through her mind the conversation that hadn't left her memory since the day she left.
"You said that I didn't see you." Josh accented the word "see" heavily and Donna nodded her head remembering. "I've had a lot of time to ponder that statement." She gave him an incredulous look. "You have no idea how lonely the campaign trail is without you to share it with Donna," he confessed. She moved closer to him on the sofa, turned so that her bent lower leg was flush to his leg and rested her hand on his shoulder. Reaching over, grabbing her hand and tracing her fingers with his, he continued.
"How could I not see you Donnatella?" Josh asked lifting his other hand to her face grazing his knuckles along her soft cheek. "You were, rather are, everything to me. You are the reason I do anything. You are everything to me and I'm a better man because of you." Josh ached to kiss her. He wondered if she could see it in his eyes. He searched her blue eyes that were wet with unshed tears and found his answer. Slowly he traced the outline of her lips with the pad of his forefinger. He was mesmerized by the softness of them. He turned and tucked his leg under him as he leaned in to place his lips lightly on hers. He paused when he heard her gasp.
Donna leaned in closing the minute distance between them and he captured her mouth in his. Breaking the kiss and pulling her into his lap he hugged her to him and whispered in her ear,
"God Donna I love you." Turning her face upward, closing her eyes as tears traced their path down her alabaster cheeks she savored the words she'd waited so long to hear.
Josh thought she never looked more beautiful and happy but began to fidget worrying about her response.
"Uh Donna," Josh said quietly. Donna looked down at his sweet, worried face and smiled broadly. Josh reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He started to speak but Donna placed her fingers over his mouth letting them linger on his lips.
"I'm savoring the moment Josh, don't ruin it," Donna chuckled. "I love you...so much...but..." She watched his countenance fall as he lowered his chin. Cupping his chin she lifted his face to hers and kissed his lips softly finding them warm and wet with his own tears. "Oh Josh," she cooed.
"I'm too late aren't I?" he looked at her sadly.
"No," she shook her head. "You just have bad timing," she added smiling slightly. "But it doesn't change how much I love you and want to be with you." She laughed as he pulled her into his arms and whooped.
"Okay so obviously that means you're not going to quit and join me in getting the right man elected so we have to come up with a plan," Josh lifted her from his lap and began to pace the living room. Donna watched from the couch with great joy, loving watching her man in motion. Loving that he was her man. Josh stopped mid pace when he caught the look of adoration on her face. "What?" he scanned his body and then looked back up at her.
"Just admiring my man," Donna quipped, standing, moving in front of him and wrapping her arms around his waist. She laughed as he puffed up at her words. "Oh god, I forgot about the ego," Donna released him and laughed. Josh pulled her back to him and kissed her slowly, sweetly, tasting every part of her mouth.
"Okay here's the plan," the words rushed out of Josh's mouth the minute they ended the kiss still holding Donna whose knees were buckling from the intensity. "We meet the night of the convention after the nomination is announced."
"Does this mean we're waiting on this us thing?" Donna clarified and held her breath for his response.
"First I love that there is an "us" thing," Josh stated kissing her lips lightly before continuing and moving to pace again. "No but we have to be careful. Listen if Bingo Bob wins this nomination Donna, I won't work for him but I'll cheer you on from the sidelines. However when the Congressman wins this thing, I hope you'll consider joining us in the fight for the White House." Josh stopped, observed her reaction and saw a myriad of emotions run across her face. "As a leader on the team, Donnatella, to work with me not for me," he explained further as the silence dragged on.
"Really?" Donna asked unbelieving and Josh was stunned.
"Yes, really!" he exclaimed running one hand through his hair and placing the other on his hip. "Wait what are you questioning?" he asked realizing he wasn't sure if she was speaking about them, the job, or Bingo Bob.
"You really want me to be a part of the team after...well... all that's gone on?" Donna looked down at her hands.
"God yes!" Josh stated emphatically as he moved toward her and linked his hands in hers. "We need you, not to mention how much I need you." Donna smiled brightly which caused Josh's dimples to appear which led to another kissing session. "So you and me have a date right after the announcement, right?"
"Right," Donna nodded and captured his lips again.
NIGHT OF THE CONVENTION:
Donna saw him coming down the hall and she wondered why he wasn't waiting in the wings while Matt and Leo took the stage. After smiling a greeting she noted with gratitude that he thought to take a moment to share in Will's loss. She took the beer he handed her and the threesome quietly watched as Leo and Matt raised their hands in triumph. Donna amazed at Josh's self control sent him a silent thank you over her shoulder. Josh watching Will head out the door placed the beer in his hands on the table behind him, reached into his pocket and moved closer to Donna.
"Hello Beautiful," Josh whispered in her ear, wrapping his arms around her from the back and placing tender kiss upon her cheek.
"Hi," she whispered back leaning into his embrace.
"Donnatella, I was wondering if you'd consider giving me the rest of our lives to show you how much I love you?" Josh asked nervously, flipping open the small, velvet box he held in his hands. Donna's hands flew to her mouth as she gasped. Reverently she reached to touch the beautiful diamond in a platinum setting.
"It's beautiful," she cried turning to face him and was rewarded with his full dimpled smile. "Yes Joshua, I will marry you," she replied softly returning his smile. Josh stood and scooped her in his arms lifting her from the ground.
"Thank you Donna for making this the best night of my life!" Josh shouted, hugging her tightly to him and kissing her with all the love he felt. Releasing her he let out a triumphant yell, laced his fingers through hers and the two ran side by side to the convention floor to share the news.
Better Man by James Morrison
There was a time
I
had nothing to give
I needed shelter from the storm I was in
And
when it all got too heavy
You carried my weight
And I want to
hold you
And I want to say
(Chorus)
'Cause you are all
that I need
For you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love
me
Just the way I am
For you I am a better man
I said you
are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost,
without you
Under the stars
At the edge of the sea
There's
no one around
No one but you and me
We'd talk for hours
As
time drifts away
I could stay here for ever
And hold you this
way
