A/N: My brother has funny thoughts. Thank you brother for you're insane mind!

Disclaimers: Not even the idea is mine. T.T

READ THIS! Envy and Edward are living together in an apartment. Obviously an alternate universe crackfic. This really has no real plot, just go with it. ;

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Envy had officially gone crazy. He sat at the kitchen table, staring murderously at Edward's cell phone. It was then that Edward decided to stop watching Oprah and walk into the kitchen, where he saw Envy about to stab his cell with a butcher knife. With some quick use of his alchemy, he rescued it just in the nick of time.

"What the hell are you doing!" Shouted the blond, cradling the phone to his chest.

Envy stood up with a flourish, the chair he'd been sitting on clattering to the floor noisily. "You need to let them go!" Replied the Sin fervently, "you're a terrible person, Edward! You're worse than I am!"

With a confused glare, Edward asked, "What is wrong with you?"

The Sin glared back, circling Edward to the right as if he were fighting him. "You know what I'm talking about, Ed. Don't deny it."

Edward pocketed his phone and threw up his hands in exasperation. "You need help, Envy."

"And you need to grow, shorty," retorted the Sin.

Edward started screaming about how he was not so short you couldn't even see him over a dustbunny, and Envy took that as his chance to snag the alchemist's cellphone. He pried open the battery case and, upon not finding what he was looking for, he tried to smash it on the floor.

Once again, Edward rescued his cell phone from the hands of the demented homunculus.

"LET THEM OUT!" Screamed the Sin hysterically, scrabbling at Edward desperately. The blond boy managed to push the insane man away as it suddenly dawned on him. Envy thought that there were people inside his cell phone.

"There are no people inside my phone, Envy," panted the alchemist, thoroughly out of breath from fighting off his roommate.

With a look that would wither plants, Envy pouted. "Yes there are. I heard them."

Edward sighed and picked up the chair Envy had knocked over earlier, motioning for the magenta-eyed Sin to sit. The Sin did as Edward bid, if only because he was curious about the cell phone.

The alchemist tried to explain to Envy how cell phones worked, but only managed to make the man more confused.

"So, the radio waves come out from that thing, and into someone else's thing and you can talk to them?" Asked Envy apprehensively. When Edward nodded, Envy asked, "but what about the voice I heard earlier?"

A dull thunk was the sound made from Edward's forehead striking the wood of the table. "Envy, you didn't hear voices. That was someone on the other end."

"But ... I didn't open it. I didn't even touch it," he whined in response.

With a sigh, Edward handed the phone to Envy. "Prove it."

The homunculus grinned like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland and pried open the cell phone to expose the circuit board. And, amazingly, inside was a tiny little man. He had a hat over his face and his hands laced behind his head and he was sleeping.

"See! I'm not crazy, Ed!" Shouted the excited homunculus, pointing to the tiny man sleeping on the circuit board. Edward stared, all the colour drained away from his face, utterly amazed and shocked to no end.

"Shhh!" said the little man, peeking out from under his hat, "I'm trying to sleep!"